Wednesday, February 22, 2006

And now, from the "War and Pestilence apparently don't mean much to Martha S. and Donald T" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: I haven’t ragged on either of these two PITAs (pain in the a**es) for a while. Let’s get this party started, y’all!

Trump, Stewart Face Off in War of Words
Tuesday February 21 7:58 PM ET

The bleat goes on in the rekindled Donald Trump-Martha Stewart battle. The domestic diva took aim in an article in the current Newsweek; The Donald blasted back in a letter to Martha delivered Tuesday, and late Tuesday a stunned Stewart returned fire. (All these images of war between these two megalomaniacs…reminds me of a cerfain individual in office. The only difference is at least these two can put a sentence together without a malapropism.)

In his biting letter, Trump wrote that Stewart's version of "The Apprentice" was "a mistake for everybody especially NBC." (Well, now, Donnie…you’re not playing nice. Your show isn’t exactly “Masterpiece Theater” or “Supertrain”, much less “Manimal”!)

The real-estate mogul was responding to Stewart's sniping to Newsweek that "Martha Stewart: The Apprentice" floundered last fall canceled after one cycle because Trump would not take his competing show off the schedule. (As much as I feel Martha is a control freak and a grandstanding ho, she had a point.)

Her show was supposed to be the only "Apprentice" and was meant to start out with her firing Trump on the air, she told Newsweek, reiterating comments she'd made before. (Does she have something in her contract stating this? If she does, one word – “LAWSUIT”. I’m sure Martha’s familiar with that concept, as well as the concept of “RESTRAINING ORDER”.)

"Having two `Apprentices' was as unfair to him as it was unfair to me," she told Newsweek. "But Donald really wanted to stay on." (Ah, the “passive-aggressive” approach, where one takes a microscopic amount of blame. Interesting tactic.)

Trump's blunt response asks Stewart to take responsibility for her "failed show." (Just like he takes responsibility for his failed marriages…)

"Your performance was terrible in that the show lacked mood, temperament and just about everything a show needs for success," he wrote. "I knew it would fail as soon as I first saw it and your low ratings bore me out." (I wasn't aware that The Donald was the king of nuance. Where's my copy of the memo? Gee…all that’s left for him to say is “Yo’ Mama.”)


"Between your daughter, with her one-word statements, your letter writing and, most importantly, your totally unconvincing demeanor, it never had a chance much as your daytime show is not exactly setting records," he wrote. (Geez, Don…take a Midol or a Vicodin or a .38 slug to the temple. My God. Someone pissed in your Wheaties this morning, didn’t they?)

Then he really told her what he thought. (As if the first two statements weren’t enough.)

"Essentially, you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone," said Trump, who claimed NBC did not intend to fire him on Stewart's show. (OOOHHH! He’s such a bitch! He's been taking lessons from Mr. Blackwell, hasn't he?)

In a statement issued late Tuesday, Stewart, who lost an appeal last month that ended her criminal case for lying about a stock sale that sent her to jail for five months and nearly six months of house arrest, said she was bewildered by Trump's comments and tone. (I normally don’t get political, but is that "bewildered" statement kind of like Democrats saying they’re “concerned” or “troubled” whenever they're interviewing a potential Supreme Court Justice?)

"The letter is so mean-spirited and reckless that I almost can’t believe my longtime friend Donald Trump wrote it," she stated. (Why is this reminding me of those “press conferences” at pro wrestling matches where the wrestlers get in a mock fight and badmouth each other?)

"I am very proud of the work we did with Mark Burnett Productions and Mr. Trump, who was an executive producer, on `The Apprentice: Martha Stewart.' Many young entrepreneurs learned so much from the show and enjoyed it. Many families sat their children down weekly to watch it. (In a related item, child psychologists are reporting record numbers of new patients…parents are concerned about their children becoming anxious because there’s no more cardamom or lemon zest at Safeway.)

We are even more pleased with our excellent daytime show “Martha” syndicated by NBC Universal which has just been nominated for six daytime Emmys (including best show and best host), was touted by The New York Times as one of the best shows on television, and has been embraced by our wonderful audience throughout the country." (This is sounding more like a press release than a letter. Maybe she didn’t write this? Or, even worse, maybe she did? If I wrote the letter, it would be: “Dear Don: Bite me. Oh, and your wife had a brain implant in 2002, but it didn’t take. Smooches, Sudiegirl.”)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

I think I need MY own “Apprentice” show. And every week I kick someone off the show…my tagline will be “Bite me”. Yeah!

Mark Burnett, you listening?