Tuesday, January 03, 2006

A Sudiegirl First!

In the spirit of trying new things in this New Year, Rancho Sudiegirl Inc. has decided to start up a few new items which will be sprinkled copiously throughout the weblog. The first one is “Millie Knows Best”, an advice column handled by my beautiful, willful, stubborn yet lovable Maine Coon Cat.

Why, you ask? Because Chelmsford is afraid of typing. That, and Millie threatened to eat my McDonalds take-out for the rest of her or my life (whichever ends first) if I didn’t give her something to do on the blog. So you see, I’m between the proverbial rock and hard place.

So Millie, here’s your first letter…BE NICE.

Shut up, Meat Puppet…and FEED ME!

OK, here we go…blah blah blah…

Dear Millie:

I think my spouse is cheating on me. He comes home late at night, reeking of a perfume I don’t wear and covered with lipstick. I don’t want to make him angry, but this has been going on a long time and I’m a bit concerned, especially since a process server came to our home with paternity paperwork. What should I do?

Standing Doubtfully by her Man

Dear Standing:

Have you peed in his shoes yet? Usually that works for me when I’m mad (hope Mommy didn’t read that…)

Wake up and smell the kitty litter, lady. He stinks, he’s messy, and he comes home late. Male cats in heat are in the same condition. However, in the animal kingdom there is not much call for fidelity since fidelity leads to inbreeding and pretty soon cats start acting like dogs and we can’t have that.

My advice to you is to pee in his shoes and call a lawyer. Oh, and then pee in his shoes again.


Well, that was certainly an admirable first effort, and also explains the rather damp conditions of my shoes.

Let’s hear it for Millie, and if you want to ask Millie advice, just e-mail me (click on the contact info on this blog) and she’ll be happy to help you with your life problems.

LIKE HELL I WILL! GIVE ME FRENCH FRIES, MEAT PUPPET! (Mfffffff – muffled growls as Sudiegirl puts Millie in the bathroom, far away from her shoes)

Have a great day!

UPDATE: Millie's advice column has already been noticed, and "Musings of a chick" is linked to the "Bum Steer" weblog. Take a look...it's quite interesting!