Wednesday, January 11, 2006

And now, from the "Does this have relevance when there's war and suffering in the world? Apparently YES!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Mr. Blackwell is such a bitch…I LOVE IT! I’ll contribute my own comments, but I have a feeling Mr. B wins, hands down.

Britney Bottoms Out with Blackwell
By Gina Serpe
Tue Jan 10, 3:57 PM ET

In the eyes of Mr. Blackwell, Britney Spears was one big oops fashion-wise in 2005. (So far, so good…)

Maternity wear or not, the popster and her year's worth of fashion foibles topped the veteran style watcher's 46th Annual Worst Dressed Women list, released Tuesday.

"When it comes to Couture Chaos, this Tacky Terror should take a bow," Blackwell bitched in his typically tortured, strangely punctuated couplets. "From the 'Princess of Pop' to the ultimate 'Fashion Flop!' " (Apparently, he couldn’t find anything to rhyme with “ho-bag”.)

K-Fed's better half has been a regular Blackwell target. She was seventh on last year's rundown of the sartorially challenged.

Coming in at number two on the fashion-basher's don't list was Mary-Kate Olsen, who was dinged for "Bag Lady rags that look depressingly decayed--forget the 'accessories' and buy some Raid!" (I don’t get her style either, unless it’s a by-product of the bulimia/anorexia thing…)

Aside from Spears, several other repeat offenders were once again dissed by Blackwell, including recent divorcee Jessica Simpson ("It's time to sack the stylist and divorce the 'designer,' she resembles a cut-rate Rapunzel--slingin' hash in a Vegas diner!"), Anna Nicole Smith ("Her Supreme Court battle proves every fashion 'dog' has their day--unless she's mistaken for 'Queen Kong'") and Paris Hilton ("Hot? I think not!"). (He’s batting 1000 so far…you go, boy!)

Eva Longoria was the only Wisteria Lane denizen to make the list of undesirables this year, thanks to her "garish taste." Her Desperate Housewives cohort Nicollette Sheridan, who topped the worst-dressed list last year, managed to escape this time around. (I don’t watch the show so I guess I haven’t figured out who she is yet, other than she got in a fight with a cop.)

Blackwell apparently took no pity and spared no puns for some of the year's tabloid fixtures.
Fresh off revelations of drug use and an eating disorder, Lindsay Lohan was deemed a "Fashion Fright," while singleton once more Renee Zellweger also took a verbal beating. (Yeah…that’s not the coolest thing he could do. But you gotta admit…and maybe I sound like my mother when I say this, but what’s up with fashion? I now the ‘80’s had their share of gaffes, but NOTHING like today! However, the only complaint I have about Lindsay Lohan is that I miss her red hair. She looked so much like young Ann-Margret with it, I thought she’d find herself in an Ann-Margret bio-pic one of these days.)

"Renee runs the gamut from Kewpi Doll Dreck to Red Carpet Wreck--Just take your pick," Blackwell bleated. "She looks like a painted pumpkin--on a pogo stick!" (Truly inspired poetry. Forget that Shakespeare guy, or that ee cummings guy who was allergic to punctuation…Mr. B is where it’s AT!)

Mariah Carey's big comeback year didn't go unnoticed, or unremaked upon, by Blackwell.
"Fashion's Hari-Carey Strikes Again!" Blackwell "quipped." "The world applauds your musical emancipation, but please--leave that body to our imagination!" (I just hope she doesn’t have plans to make any more movies!!!! And is it me...or does she kind of look like a horse?)

Also getting the thumbs down was Shakira, whom Blackwell declared "hopeless." (What? No RHYME!?)

Lest he be deemed to mean, Blackwell again issued his disclaimer that his zingers only apply to the dissees fashion sense, not their careers or personal lives. He also had some nice things to say. (That’s good to know…nobody likes a dried-up old fashion expert who only has MEAN things to say.)

In addition to his top 10 fashion disasters, Blackwell also named his rhyme-free Fabulous Fashion Independents of 2005. Oscar hopeful Reese Witherspoon headed the list, along with Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johnasson, Kate Moss, Natalie Portman and the perennial Nicole Kidman. Also making the cut were Paris mama Kathy Hilton, designer Carolina Herrera, Dionne Warwick and Hollywood fundraiser (and ex-Henry Mancini wife) Ginny Mancini. (Well, re: Dionne Warwick, apparently the psychic network is giving her a generous clothes allowance.)

Here's a complete look at Mr. Blackwell's 46th Annual Worst Dressed List:
1. Britney Spears

2. Mary-Kate Olsen
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Eva Longoria
5. Mariah Carey
6. Paris Hilton
7. Anna Nicole Smith
8. Shakira
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Renee Zellweger

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

WHEW! I’m not on there this year…Thanks, Mr. B…let me know how much I owe ya.

Sudiegirl the (for now) sartorially safe.