Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The New Original List of Unlikely Sexy Guys (all other previous lists are invalid)...

Well, I’m assuming by now you know that Sudiegirl is not made of stone. (I’m made of Diet Pepsi, Paxil CR, lithium, crayons, and Chubby Hubby ice cream, but NOT stone.)

Therefore, you also must know that in the past, I’ve kept a list of “unlikely sexy guys” on this blog. I have been greatly amiss in not keeping up with that authoritative listing, so now I will go ahead and update you wonderful people with who (in my mind) is both “off the beaten path” and “sexy” AT THE SAME TIME!

Take that, People magazine!

(OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: BTW, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Christopher Kennedy Lawford are exempt from this listing because they are OBVIOUSLY hot. We’re looking at “off the beaten path” with a few ringers thrown in. Brad, George and Chris are the Holy Trinity of men I would select to give me rubdowns with hot scented oil. Oh, yeah, and Tom Jones would be singing to me.)

Unlikely Sexy Guy #1: Richard Thomas (John-Boy Walton, plus various tv-movie of the week roles, one-man Tennessee Williams stage show, etc.)

Richard Thomas…sigh…what can I say? I wanna touch that mole on the side of his face. I wanna make him blush. Oh baby, oh baby. He was the one reason I even tolerated “The Waltons” when I was a kid…all the rest of the boys in that family looked like Howdy Doody, but not John-Boy. He was hot. I wanted to make him forget his chores, you know?

Unlikely Sexy Guy #2: Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”, “Private Parts”, “American Splendor”, “Big Momma’s House”, many other supporting roles…Yale grad…)

OK, I hear you scratching your heads all the way over here…now listen…I put him down here for many reasons. One, he has pretty (and EXPRESSIVE) eyes. Two, he looks like a nice man. He’s played jerks before, but something tells me (his aura perhaps?) that he’s really not that way. I couldn’t handle watching “Sideways” for more than ½ hour because he really looked sad, and it was a realistic kind of sad, not a “Look at ME! This is my Oscar nomination right here!” It really broke my heart, and I had to turn it off. So could you imagine what kind of an effect he’d have on me in real life? Sigh…

Unlikely Sexy Guy #3 – or maybe it’s more likely than I’m thinking: Kevin Pollak (stand up comedian/actor…hottest role was as a court-martial lawyer in “A Few Good Men”…drool, drool)

Kevin Pollak. WOW. Why is he sexy? He is funny, and talented. That whole one-eye crossing thing kind of creeps me out, but it’s OK. And I love urban guys…that whole “wise-cracking East Coast guy” kind of thing. Oh boy. He is married, but I can still drool from a distance, can I not? (As long as his wife doesn’t beat me up, that is…) I know the first three guys out of the gate on this list are all actors, but ya know, I’m a performer on the side so I’m just automatically drawn to the entertaining element of life. Sorry folks. But back to Kevin…he’s sexy whether he’s in blue jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap or a dress uniform. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Unlikely Sexy Guy #4 – Ron “Tater Salad” White (Stand-up comedian, actor…gee, are we seeing a trend here?)

OK, another Sudiegirl secret…I like big, beefy guys as well as smaller guys. All of my boyfriends in HS (and my first college boyfriend) were big guys, and my poor old 5’8” dad asked me “why the hell I had to date boys big enough to eat hay?” What can I say, Dad? I like big boys. Doug is 6’1” and pretty big & muscular. Then…sigh…there’s “Tater Salad”.

He’s got that sly smile, like he’s lettin’ you in on the joke. He looks like the type of guy who would never talk you into doing anything, but somehow it would just happen anyway. You would wind up sitting in a jail cell with him going, “He didn’t look like a cop to me either!” In short, he’s a bad boy, and sometimes I like bad boys! (I’m not a scotch drinker, though, so his scotch is safe.)

And finally, our final inductee…

Unlikely Sexy Guy #5 – Gedde Watanabe (actor, voice-over artist, comedian…)

When I first saw Mr. Watanabe in “Sixteen Candles”, I knew in my heart that there was more to him than the unfortunate Asian stereotyping. Then I saw him in “Gung Ho” and other projects.

He’s a talented man, and not afraid to let his vulnerability show on camera.

He’s got a distinctive voice, and he’s cute.

Very cute.

Oh my God, he’s cute.

OK, that’s enough now….

So there you have it…the OFFICIAL, “all other collections are invalid”, “Real McCoy” list of Sudiegirl’s “Unlikely Sexy Guys”. This is the first in a brand new series, however, and more listings may follow. Or not. I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?

See ya…gotta wipe up all the drool.


(PS: photos from:,,,, and Enjoy!)