Extra, extra...read...all...about...it?

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Sudiegirl sez:
They say that "brevity is the soul of wit" (at least, I think that's how the phrase goes).
However, sometimes brevity winds up making a supposedly "serious" headline open to interpretation of a snotty nature. Consider these specimens:
(These are from Yahoo! News, BTW...)

Panel Doesn't Want Junk Food Aimed at Kids
(Well, then...at whom should we aim? What, kids cry too loud if you wing them with a bag of potato chips?)

Labs Unsure Whether to Join Stem Cell Bank
(Well, I like dogs, but I don't think this breed is up to making such a large decision. Why not ask a poodle?)

Greece Hands Over Flame for Turin Olympics
(Wouldn't that be a fire hazard? Plus, it would hurt!)

Voters take back elections
(Why? Didn't they fit?)

US Criticizes Venezuelan Vote
(US to Venezuela: "Your vote is ugly and its mama dresses it funny!")

US Just Misses World Cup Seed
(The seed never calls, it never writes...)

Money laundering charge stands
(Uh...is that it? Is there anything else?)

Military Kids See The Nutcracker With Bush
(Oh...Martha Stewart was in town?)