Thursday, December 01, 2005

And now, from the "They'll research ANYTHING, won't they?" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: I'm glad my tax dollars don't pay for this research. And BTW, the lovely cow-ess featured in the graphics is none other than Clarabelle Cow from the Disney cartoons. And as Richard Pryor says, "Women don't fart, they toot." So I hope this addresses toots, farts, and other euphemisms from both male, female, and gender-confused bovines. I've said it before, and I'll say it again...cows are intrinsically funny!

Cure for cow flatulence cooked up by scientists
(Let's hope it's not beans...)
8 minutes ago

LONDON (Reuters) - Cows belching and breaking wind cause methane pollution but British scientists say they have developed a diet to make pastures smell like roses -- almost. (Yeah, but does it address the needs of an average "NFL widow" who has to spray air freshener in the house every 3 minutes while hubby sits oblivious to his fumes?)

"In some experiments we get a 70 percent decrease (in methane emissions), which is quite staggering," biochemist John Wallace told Reuters in a telephone interview. (Hmmm...I'm trying to figure out how to work "staggering" into some snotty comment. Bear with me...this stuff takes time.)

Wallace, leader of the microbial biochemistry group at the Rowett Research Institute in Aberdeen, said the secret to sweeter-smelling cows is a food additive based on fumaric acid, a naturally occurring chemical essential to respiration of animal and vegetable tissues. (If it's naturally occuring in vegetable tissues, why not just feed the cows those vegetables?)

A 12-month commercial and scientific evaluation of the additive has just begun, but he said if it proves successful it could be a boon to cutting down on greenhouse gas emissions. (So the fart research will continue for a year? the people in this biochemistry group have trouble getting dates? I can imagine the introduction..."What do you do for a living?" "Well, I work in a biochemistry group that studies methane emissions from cows, and we're working to remove the smell." "Oh, my...LOOK AT THE TIME! Gotta go!")

"In total around 14 percent of global methane comes from the guts of farm animals. It is worth doing something about," Wallace said. Other big sources of methane are landfills, coalmines, rice paddies and bogs. (Personally, I like Ron White's solution..."I'm eatin' the cows...but I'm only one man!" Pass the A-1 Steak Sauce, please...)

Scientists in Australia and New Zealand have also been working to develop similar products amid growing concern about greenhouse gas emissions from cattle and sheep.
(So I guess you could say the gas is passed? Mooo.....)

In New Zealand the government in 2003 proposed a flatulence tax, with methane emitted by farm animals responsible for more than half the country's greenhouse gases. The plan was ultimately withdrawn after widespread protests.
(A FART TAX? Oh boy...might as well tax Taco Bell, then...)

"We've had more success than they (scientists in Australia and New Zealand) have. Everyone has been trying different methods. We just got lucky," Wallace said.
(Well, I think unfair taxation on farts and belches is just over the top, myself...)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

*toot* *burp*
Anybody got any Pepto?

Sudiegirl the committed omnivore.