Monday, December 26, 2005

And now, from the "Oh George, not the livestock" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: This post is dedicated to my long-time friend EW, who lives in Wisconsin, but is not a dairy farmer (that I know of). He actually was one person who inspired me to start this precious blog because we would send goofy news stories back and forth like this to one another and make comments about it. My friend Kandace S. would elaborate on things in much more detail, but she's not from Wisconsin. So EW, this post is for you, and I doubt you'll be able to eat cheese in the same way again.

Man Pleads No Contest to Cattle Relations
Fri Dec 23, 5:49 PM ET

A 64-year-old man has pleaded no contest to charges in Clark County Circuit Court after telling police he regularly had been using calves for sexual gratification. (Are there enough words in the English language to express the feeling I have right now? Actually, there's only one: EEEWWWWWWWWW.)

Harold G. Hart was placed on two years probation Thursday and ordered to have psychological counseling and an alcohol and drug abuse assessment after pleading to charges of sexual gratification with an animal and disorderly conduct. (Yeah, but what about the calves? Do they get therapy of some sort, or are they going to grow up into maladjusted bovines? Oh, I'm thinking of the Far Side cartoon that has the weird looking cows and the caption "Where Beef Jerky Comes From". I'm going to hell, for sure.)

According to the criminal complaint, the family living on the farm Hart visited, installed a motion sensor because they had seen suspicious footprints and vehicle tracks. (Not to mention all the calves that were looking traumatized, or worse, satisfied.)

When the sensor sounded, Hart was caught leaving the barn. He later told police the farm was a routine stop, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Marshfield or Neillsville. (OK, I'd like to think that at this point in time, I kind of understand how men work. But I guess when a guy goes to a barnyard to have his way with a calf after sitting in a bar with tits and G-strings everywhere, I don't really get the connection. Either that, or else buy that strip club and fire all the strippers, then make it a Blockbuster Video or Starbucks.)

Hart told police he had gone to the farm at least 50 times in the last year, sometimes two to four times in a week. ("Oh, the cows all get prettier at closin' time..." I hope Mickey Gilley forgives me for that, but it was funny.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

So much for having sex till the cows come home. (Oh come on now! You knew that was gonna come in somewhere!)

Also, EW, this makes the Beltway look a lot more appealing, now, doesn't it?

Moooooooooooooooove along folks...nothing more to see here, till the next entry.