And now, from the "Christmas is for bimbos" files and Yahoo! News...

(Photo of Paris Hilton before and after her plastic surgery courtesy of www.rponline.de)

Sudiegirl sez: Ever have one of those days where you'd like to defect to a country that has no television or other medium that can turn no-talent heiress bimbos into household icons? Me neither, because then this weblog would have no purpose and we wouldn't want that, now would we???

When I first saw this article, my eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see my brain. That wasn't pleasant, so I rolled them back so they were facing out, and things weren't any better. I guess I'd better rise above it and do what I do best, right? Right...it's SHOWTIME, FOLKS!

Man Creates Paris Hilton Christmas Shrine
By ERIC TUCKER, Associated Press Writer

2 hours, 25 minutes ago

See Paris Hilton in all her seductive splendor, striking a provocative pose for passing motorists and spreading hot Christmas cheer in a chilly Rhode Island winter. (Do I have to? And BTW, I'm not that impressed...after all, I come from Iowa, land of the world-famous "butter cow"!)

Blown-up images of Hilton and strings of pink Christmas lights adorn the front lawn of a home in a middle-class neighborhood of this city, part of a head-turning holiday display that pays homage to the famed hotel heiress. (Oh Lord...)

The over-the-top pictorial is the work of Joe Moretti, a 38-year-old designer who was arrested last year for trespassing on Martha Stewart's property in Maine. (I'm surprised she didn't cook him with hollandaise sauce on her show instead of letting the authorities handle it.)

Passersby get an eyeful of Hilton sporting a tiny pink top hiding little of her chest, or wearing knee-high boots and a sultry pout or holding a finger to her lips. Even Hilton's faithful Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, is celebrated in a colorful portrait. (You know, it's probably a good idea for me to stay away from Cranston, especially if I would have a black Sharpie in my hand ready to draw mustaches on each and every portrait.)

"If it's offending anyone, I apologize," Moretti said in a telephone interview Thursday. (That almost sounded sincere!)

"That's not the intent. The intent is to be different and to be creative and let them see a little bit of Hollywood or New York — bring it to Cranston," Moretti explained. (Well, I guess I can see your point, but why not pay tribute to someone who actually has a couple of brain cells to rub together?!)

A number of cars slowed or came to a complete stop on the busy road as they passed Moretti's house Thursday afternoon, the better to ogle a life-sized shot of Hilton with high boots, legs spread and eyes partly closed. (I wonder how many auto accidents have occured on his street and if Paris Hilton should be made legally responsible for them. Personally, I think she should but that's just me...)

Moretti's display includes a list entitled "How to Be a Hilton," complete with tips such as: "An entrance is everything," "NEVER wake before 10 a.m." and "NEVER spend the summer in NYC." (How to be Sudiegirl? That's MY next book project. Pretty short book, I'd wager, but hey...)

Neighbors in Cranston, just south of Providence, had mixed reactions. (You mean beyond a double-take?)

"It's nothing more than they could see on TV, on normal stations — or actually at school," said Stefanie D'Angelos, 28, who has four children. (You know, she does have a point. So why did this guy put this all out in his front yard instead? I'd rather look at the broad inside if I have to look at her at all...)

Added Frank DelSanto, who said he was near 80: "People should not be ashamed of their sexuality — male or female." (I'm not ashamed of my sexuality...I'm ashamed of HERS!)

But others were bothered.

"It has nothing to do with the holiday, and it doesn't suggest anything that's appropriate to this time of year," said Judy Gershman, 57, who said she had hadn't looked closely at the display. (Well, from the description of it I'd say you don't have to look closely at the display. You can see it from Pittsburgh.)

Ron Raffonelli, 65, said he would be upset if his young grandchildren came to associate Christmas with naked woman. He'd prefer the kids to think of Santa Claus instead. (I don't want to think of Santa Claus naked either...)

After all, Raffonelli said, "He's been around longer." (Well, maybe Paris has too...after all, with a good plastic surgeon you can hide many things!)

This is the latest in a series of artistic lawn displays decorating Moretti's lawn. Last year, he paid tribute to Martha Stewart even as he and another man faced charges for sneaking on to the domestic maven's property. The charges were later dismissed, and the men donated money to public libraries near the property. Moretti calls the incident a "big misunderstanding." (Yeah...Martha Stewart gets pretty violent. Should have stalked someone a lot more docile.)

Moretti has made past tributes to Madonna, Princess Diana and Liberace. (Yeah...he's straight...NOT!)

He came upon his latest subject after meeting Hilton in a store in the Hamptons, and said he found himself fascinated. (You know, that's just creepy. Was he looking for fashion tips or a quick lay? Inquiring minds wanna know.)

"She was just very sweet," Moretti recalled. "So I said, 'Wow, this year I think I'm going to do a Paris Hilton Christmas.'" (You had another think coming, Mr. Moretti...you realize that, right?)

Sudiegirl's final words?

Deck the halls with blonde-haired bimbos,

fa la la la la, la la la la.

I'm gonna hurl.

Sudiegirl the sickened.