And now, from the "And they think MUSICIANS are weird?" department, and Yahoo! News

Sudiegirl sez: I never want to hear anybody make fun of musicians and our "decadent lifestyle" again. Ya know why? Because at least if WE get arrested, we can write a song about it. What can cheerleaders do? "Gimme a J, gimme an A, gimme an I, gimme an L! What's that spell?" And if they know what that spells, they're in the vast minority. (BTW, this is meant to be a slam on cheerleaders, not on people who are homosexual. Please understand that I am not a hateful person or homophobic in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.)

The point is, I remember being made fun of by cheerleaders and jocks for liking music and not being into sports. But apparently it takes all kinds to make a world, even if it's two women who were stupid, horny and impatient and couldn't wait until they got home to have their "special time". I'd say the same thing if it was a hetero couple...sometimes private moments should be private. A moment of discretion now saves you money on therapy bills later.

So let's get on with the show, huh? SIS-BOOM-BAH! (Does anyone say that crap anymore?)


Cheerleaders Had Sex in Bar, Witnesses Say
1 hour, 6 minutes ago
TAMPA, Fla. -

Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were charged after their arrest at a bar where witnesses told police the women had sex in a restroom. (Ya know, nobody likes a snitch, but if I have to go and there are two bimbos rehearsing for a porn flick in the only working stall, just call me "Stoolie"!)

Renee Thomas, 20, of Pittsboro, N.C., and Angela Keathley, 26, of Belmont, N.C., were taken to Hillsborough County Jail early Sunday. (Wonder if anyone told them "You got a purty mouth..." I can hear the banjos now.)

Witnesses said the women were having sex in a stall with each other, angering patrons waiting in line to get into the restroom at the club in the Channelside district. (I want to know this from my readers...has this EVER happened to you? It hasn't to me, and I feel like somehow I'm missing out on an important facet of life...but I doubt it. What say you?)

Thomas was charged with battery Sunday after allegedly striking a bar patron when she was leaving the restroom, then landed in even more trouble after police said she gave officers a driver's license belonging to another Panthers cheerleader who was not in Tampa. (There's a smart one for ya...she probably left her brain in the stall she and her buddy occupied. And smacking someone after you've been gettin' nookie in the public 'stroom? Not cool...you know, they teach you in kindergarten to KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF! Maybe all this would have blown over, huh?)

Thomas, who made the trip to Florida for Sunday's game between the Panthers and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, was released from jail on $500 bail before police learned she was not the person she claimed to be. (Well, who's the bigger idiot? Miss "Love in a Public Restroom" or the cop that couldn't tell the difference between her and the drivers' license? And considering she was 20, that bar has a "lot of 'splainin' to do" if she was drinking and the legal drinking age is 21. D'oh!)

Providing police with a false name is a misdemeanor. However, Thomas was charged Monday with giving a false name and causing harm to another — a third-degree felony punishable by probation or a jail term of 1 to 5 years, said police spokeswoman Laura McElroy. (Bummer...no death penalty? I'd have paid good money to be a witness to a cheerleader getting the chair.)

Meanwhile, detectives are trying to determine how Thomas gained possession of the driver's license of the third cheerleader. (Well, let's see...she probably...STOLE IT? Considering the kind of behavior she's capable of after heftin' a few brewskis, I wouldn't put it past the little angel.)

Keathley, charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, was released on $750 bail about an hour before the Panthers played the Bucs at Raymond James Stadium. The cheerleaders were not in town to perform at the game. (Well, then what the HELL were they THERE FOR? A Mensa meeting? Jeez...)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Well, my opinion doesn't count as much as these respected religious leaders. Take it away, boys!



Jerry Falwell didn't really have a comment, but he did want us at Rancho Sudiegirl to know that he's this big. (Apparently, to him, size DOES matter.)

That wacky Pat Robertson! When informed of this latest scandal by the staff at Rancho Sudiegirl and asked for his opinion, he closed his eyes and said, "I think those poor women need a laying on of hands." (Note: This kind of behavior has gotten Mr. Robertson banned from all Victoria's Secret stores as well as the JCPenney lingerie department.)

Jimmy Swaggart sez: "Oh dear Lord, I MISSED IT????"

Oral Roberts could not be reached for comment because God had called him home, and I'm not picking on Billy Graham because he was a close friend of Johnny Cash's, and Johnny Cash was cool.

Sanctimoniously yours,

Sudiegirl