Remind me...

As I get older, I do forget things. So would one of my eight faithful readers remind me of these important things if I should tend to...well, you know...

1. Don't watch sappy Judy Garland movies when by oneself and the boyfriend is at work, especially "I Could Go On Singing", where La Judy plays a self-absorbed singer who wants the son back that she left behind over 10 years ago. All it did was made me say, "Thank God D. had a vasectomy and thank God I took my meds before I could whine about my biological clock ticking even though I have a mood disorder I could spread to my unborn child with more certainty than the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series!" (Oh, I'm sorry...I shared too much in that last statement. But isn't that a killer picture of Judy?)

2. Also, remind me that just because I have checks left in my checkbook doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not overdrawn. Can you say "BOING"? My checking account has, and it will lose elasticity quicker than Joan Collins before the Botox if I don't watch it.

3. Make me repeat this mantra..."I will not buy sweatshirts with puffy-paint winter motifs on them...I will not buy sweatshirts with puffy-paint winter motifs on them..." and beat me with a garden hose if I do not behave.

4. I must also remember this...try as I might, Brad Pitt will not leave Angelina for me. I must accept this fact. (Actually, I think I have, but some days I forget or else it's a convenient excuse to buy ANOTHER pint of Chubby Hubby and find a damned Judy Garland movie on the f'ing tube.)

5. It is not necessary to invoke quotes from Jonny Quest at a given opportunity. "You Heathen Monkeys!" screamed at earth-shattering decibels does not go over well at the mall. Those who don't understand what you're talking about will just throw things at you because you're being loud and harshing their buzz.

6. When the Mary Kay ladies have a table set up in the lobby of my work building, remind me that I don't have to buy anything. (Mary Kay, by the way, is not really dead, but is an animatronic character that is stored at Disneyland. They bring her out at every convention, wind her up, and push her on stage so she can tell all the Stepford wives in attendance to buy more cosmetics, and that she's a great-great-great-great Grandmother. I think she went to school with George Burns. Sorry, am I digressing?)

and finally,

7. Remind me to go to bed! (Thank you, I think I will.)

Loopily yours,

Sudiegirl