And now, from the "Why didn't you just sleep with her sister?" files and Yahoo! News...
Sudiegirl sez: You know, some folks will do anything to get out of a situation. However, this representative of Ocala, Florida's brain trust and think tank really set an example for the rest of us sneaky bastards. Take it away, AP!
Cops: Man Invents Story to Make Wife Leave
Wed Aug 3, 9:32 PM ET
OCALA, Fla. - A man made up a story about killing a hitchhiker and burying the body in the woods in an effort to persuade his wife to leave him, authorities said. (Please read title of this post and tell me if you agree or not!)
Teddy Claire Akin, 28, of Ocala, was charged Tuesday with making a false report and petit theft. He was being held without bail. (Something tells me, however, he was just happy to get out of the house!)
Akin's wife, Felicia, called the Marion County Sheriff's Office Monday to report that her husband had told her that he killed a hitchhiker, authorities said. (Seems like the logical thing to do, wouldn't you think?)
Akin told investigators he had picked up the hitchhiker, who wanted a ride to Tampa. He said he hit the man in the neck, causing him to gasp and make a gurgling sound (OH NO! NOT A GURGLING SOUND!), when the two got into an argument over how far Akin would drive him, authorities said.
Akin said he dumped the body in a forest near a gun range and kept the man's wallet, which contained the license of Utah resident Dennis Legrande Allen, authorities said. (Wonder if that guy knew Lance Archibald?)
Deputies searching the area Akin described with dogs and an air unit failed to find a body Monday evening, Capt. Thomas Bibb said. (OK, is it me, or does the syntax in this sentence seem off? Did he describe the area using dogs? Or did they search the area with dogs? Maybe I need to take a nap.)
Akin eventually told investigators that he was going through a divorce and had hoped the murder story would make his wife leave him, said Sue Livoti, a sheriff's office spokeswoman. (Again, read the title...it would have been a whole lot simpler and he wouldn't necessarily be in jail. Jeez! Men...)
"It seems he wanted to get a little attention and sympathy from his wife," Bibb said. (Ah, so it's a case of "the dork who cried wolf!")
Akin told investigators he found the wallet on top of a newspaper stand. Investigators reached Allen in Utah by phone; Allen said he did not know Akin. (Yeah, but does he know Lance Archibald? Come on, I'm dying here!)
The sheriff's office would probably bill Akin for the cost of their seven-hour search, Bibb said.
"This was something that cost us a lot of time and energy," Bibb said. (Do you understand the scientific principle about not getting blood from a turnip, Sheriff Bibb?)
A message left early Wednesday at the county public defender's office was not immediately returned. (They're busy squeezing blood from turnips.)
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Information from: Ocala Star-Banner, http://www.starbanner.com/
Sudiegirl's final opinion?
Ya know, if you want to leave, just leave. I know it sounds harsh, but this way was stupid, and caused a lot of heartache. I'm sure your wife wants you away from her ass now, and for all the WRONG reasons. Again, you should have just slept with her sister. Not that I necessarily condone it, but it would have been a lot easier and wouldn't have put a black mark on your "permanent record".
And BTW, I would have called the cops on your butt too, and I wouldn't have paid bail for you either. Let your mother do that...she obviously didn't feel the need to teach you right from wrong, so let her pursestrings loosen up.
Sudiegirl the practical...sometimes.
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