And now, from the "Mad Puker" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: You know how hard it is to find pictures of people puking that don't make me want to puke myself? Also, is it just me or should they just dr0p all this hub-bub about the Mad Puker? I mean, COME ON! Get a grip, y'all. There are more important things to worry about besides whether someone can puke on command or not, and if there was intent to puke. Just take a Tums and get over it. And now, on with the sputum...

Teen's Vomit Sentence a Conundrum for Cops
Sun Jul 31,11:12 PM ET

OLATHE, Kan. - Police departments in Johnson County aren't sure how they'll carry out an unusual sentence a judge imposed on a teenager convicted of intentionally vomiting on his teacher. (I'm sorry...if I were the court reporter or something, I'd be giggling my fat ass off.)

Johnson County Magistrate Judge Michael Farley on Tuesday sentenced the 17-year-old boy to spend the next four months cleaning up anytime someone gets sick in a police car. (You know, a better sentence would be if he cleaned out my Jeep Cherokee. It's pretty nasty. He'd have to pay for his airfare and bring his own garbage bags, rat-traps, and bleach, and I'm not paying for his lunch either if all he's gonna do is puke on me to get revenge.)

The teen was found guilty of a misdemeanor count of battery for vomiting on his Spanish teacher during the last day of classes at Olathe Northwest High School. Prosecutors said the crime was intentional, but the defense claimed the boy vomited because he was nervous about his final exams. (You know, how do you prove that puking was intentional besides heresay? I mean, can you dust for it, or is the splatter pattern different? Call CSI!)

While the Olathe, Overland Park and Shawnee police departments are still awaiting official word on the sentence and details on how to contact the teenager, they also aren't sure how or if they would use his services. (Then what was the f***ing point of the sentence? This judge must live in his own little world and have someone else research things like logistics and feasibility!)

"I'm sure we would, but nobody's contacted our department and said, `If you have this happen, here's the kid's phone number,'" Shawnee Police Capt. Ron Copeland said. (Well, Olathe isn't that big a town, is it? Can't they just look up the kid's number?)

Normally, when someone throws up in a Shawnee police car, officers hose out what they can, then send the vehicle to a car wash to be detailed. (Eew...poor auto detailer...)

Police in Overland Park, where a vehicle maintenance manager usually decides if a biohazard company needs to be called in for cleanup, plan to consult a department lawyer about liability issues. (That'd be a good idea. I might have to do that myself if I have this kid clean out the aforementioned Jeep.)

"Are we going to have to provide this guy with a biohazard suit?" Overland Park police spokesman Jim Weaver asked rhetorically. "Are we going to have to provide him with a breathing apparatus? That's a valid question." (You know, this wouldn't have been an issue 30 years ago. Thank you, HIV and Ebola.)

Olathe Sgt. Mike Butaud believes that about every month or two someone throws up in an Olathe patrol car. In Shawnee, officers estimate it happens once or twice a year. (Well, maybe you need to up the ante a little bit. Is there a support group for motion sickness around where you can take them out on bumpy roads going 75 MPH, after feeding them hot dogs with everything?)

"When you have someone who's going to throw up in your car, the first thing you do is pull over right away," Butaud said. "Even if someone's going to clean it up, you don't want to have to drive around with that smell." (Ewww...maybe they'll have to have an open bottle of Hai Karate cologne in every squad car. If that smell can't get rid of a puke smell, nothing can.)

Kathleen Rieth, the county's director of juvenile court services, said her office will work with police on how to carry out the sentence. (This should be interesting...who's gonna carry the puke bucket?)

And just because they have questions and concerns doesn't mean police in Johnson County don't support the judge's attempt to make the punishment fit the crime. (Uh-huh...just as long as they don't have to be the ones dealing with the mad puker.)

"I really understand the way he's going with this," Butaud said. "He's trying to make it a learning experience so he (the teenager) can really learn the error of his ways." (Oh definitely...farts are much more efficient, and that way everyone can enjoy the fun.)

Brian Costello, the teen's attorney, said the case won't be appealed. (Could you imagine having to explain that at a Bar Association meeting? "Yes, we appealed the puke case...the jury couldn't keep it down.")

"He feels horrible about what happened," Costello said of his client. "His family has been embarrassed. He's been embarrassed, and he just wants it to be over." (Wonder how this kid is going to be listed in the yearbook? "Most likely to lose his lunch over a passing grade?")

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Pass the Tums.