Tom Cruise, or "How did this idiot find his way out of a paper bag?"

OK...I know I'm not the first or the last to riff on ol' Tommy boy, but he's even getting on my nerves. As most of my friends/readers know, it takes a lot to make me move from rolling my eyes to "Kill him...OK, not literally, but at least put him in a soundproof box somewhere."

But done it, he has.

First off, will someone please explain the allure of Scientology to me? That would be an incredible insight into the glorified Jell-o mold that Mr. Cruise calls a brain. I just don't get it. I'm not narrow-minded (my first husband worshiped a Norwegian cat goddess, for cryin' out loud), but it seems to me that any religious movement that takes pride in a movie as hideously bad as "Battlefield Earth" needs to be strongly evaluated.

Second: Katie Holmes. I don't think she's an organic human being. I think she is either:
a) a Stepford-type robot (with Mattel tattooed on her ass, no doubt) that just happens to have a SAG card
b) some kind of being derived from a few stray skin cells of Mr. Cruise as well as maybe Annette Funicello (with a smaller bustline)
OR
c) a blow-up doll with a motor inserted with the same horsepower as your average John Deere riding lawnmower.

Third: His stance on psychotropic medications. I realize that a big part of Scientology is "mind over illness" or some rot like that, but my take on it is this: "Methinks the actor doth protest too much." Anyone who is so violently against something usually winds up being the one who needs it most. And kudos to Brooke Shields for kicking his ass on that topic. Mr. Cruise has no direct experience with natural childbirth or post-partum depression so he should just shut the hell up.

Fourth (and final): He's just acting like a spaz lately. I mean, how long has this Katie Holmes chick known him, or he her? What's more, why is he dictating her acting career? Is this just a short guy thing? Why isn't her mother stepping in and going, "Katie, why don't we go to lunch at Ruby Tuesday's (that has a damned salad bar) and re-evaluate your thinking? I'll treat." I just don't get Hollywood and its weirdness. I get enough crap just for joining the Episcopal Church, for cryin' out loud.

Well, that's my rant for today...I'll be back later on and God knows who my next victim...er, subject...will be.

Sudiegirl the sanctimonious, judgmental and critical (but still lovable).