More evidence that Tom Cruise is a wack job (with footnotes from your favorite bipolar redhead)

(The usual disclaimer...I apologize in advance for those whom I am sure to offend with this entry. Must suck to be you, though...having to go through life without hearing a decent joke and wearing body armor in case you get offended. Anyway, on with the show...)

Cruise Clashes With Lauer on 'Today' ShowFriday June 24 10:59 AM ET

Let the cynics talk. (OK, here I go!)

Tom Cruise is in love and he just can't restrain himself.
(Then why not have someone else do it?)

"You know what? There's always cynics. There always has been. (In reference to the previous sentence, is that gramatically correct, Tom? I think not.) There always will be," said Cruise, who hasn't been shy about displaying his affection for "Batman Begins" actress Katie Holmes. "I have never worried ... about what other people think and what other people say."
(Have you noticed the glazed look in her eyes in their photos? He says it's love. I say it's sodium pentathol.)

Cruise, 42, and Holmes, 26, went public with their romance in April, smooching and posing for photographers in Rome. They recently became engaged.
(Yeah, and she dumped Chris Klein for Cruise...so he went out and had a drunk driving encounter, and his picture is on www.thesmokinggun.com. Check it out, y'all...welcome to Hollyweird.)

Many have doubted the romance. The words "publicity stunt" have rained down on the couple like an alien invasion as Cruise has been busy promoting his new film, "War of the Worlds," directed by Steven Spielberg, which opens on June 29.
(As the Church Lady would say, "How conVEnient!")

"I have to tell you, it's just a great time in my life," Cruise said in an interview that aired Friday on NBC's "Today" show. "I'm really happy. And, you know, I'm engaged. I'm going to be married. I can't restrain myself. It's like you've got two little cords on your mouth and you can't stop smiling."
(Oh god...I think I'm going to hurl. Men NEVER go nuts like this when they're engaged, or if they do, it's a sure sign that in 5 years, he's gonna be kicked to the curb for a marginally talented (and marginally intelligent) poolboy with great abs. Of course, Cruise has remembered the perfunctory prenup? Right, Tommy Boy? Sigh...)

The 42-year-old actor, whose marriages to Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman ended in divorce, declined to say what the 26-year-old Holmes has brought to his life that wasn't there in the past.
(Gee, I don't know either...from the looks of things, it sounds like she brought an Ecstacy dealer. It's illegal to be this happy, isn't it?)

"I don't want to compare things," Cruise said. "It's that thing where you just in life when it just happens. ... You meet someone. And it's I can't even describe it."
(Who writes this stuff? The syntax alone is simply horrid...don't get me started on the sentiment.)

When asked if he could be with someone at this stage in his life who doesn't have an interest in the Church of Scientology Holmes has said she's embracing the religion Cruise told interviewer Matt Lauer: "Scientology is something that you don't understand. It's like you could be a Christian and be a Scientologist. (Is that like when you were a kid and wanted to be a fireman and a cowboy, or a ballerina and president of the United States?)

"It is a religion. Because it's dealing with the spirit. You as a spiritual being. It gives you tools you can use to apply to your life."
(Like whips and chains? Chainsaws? Lathes? Ooh...gettin' ahead of myself. Down, Sudiegirl!)

When Lauer mentioned Cruise's earlier criticism of Brooke Shields for taking anti-depressants, Cruise told the "Today" show co-host he didn't know what he was talking about.
(OK, I draw the line at dissing Matt Lauer. He's hot! You don't dis this man! Makes me wanna break out my can of whoop-ass.)

"You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do," Cruise said.
(Oh REALLY? Considering the syntax of your Ode to Katie, I really wonder what you know. Sure as hell isn't sentence structure.)

The interview became more heated when Lauer, who said he knew people who had been helped by the attention-deficit disorder drug Ritalin, asked Cruise about the effects of the drug.
(Are you sure that's what he asked? Maybe it was more like, "Tom, have you considered asking your doctor to up the dose of your Ritalin?")

"Matt, Matt, you don't even you're glib," Cruise responded. (OK, what the hell did THAT sentence mean? Was that a direct transcription?)

"You don't even know what Ritalin is. (I do...it's a stimulant medication that, with children that are hyperactive, calms them down and helps them focus.)

If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That's what I've done."
(Jeez, no need to get all HUFFY on us, Cruise Boy. So how did they come up with these theories? God, no wonder Nicole dumped you. You're a twit! To think I had pictures of you on my walls in junior high...I'm so ashamed.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Ya know, sometimes the good lookin' ones lose their minds first. I think at this rate, I'll be able to know the difference between my ass and a hole in the ground for a long time. Good luck, Katie, and let me know if you need help hookin' up with those poolboys I mentioned earlier.

Cynically and lovingly,
Sudiegirl