Not too much to say, but I just thought I'd ramble...

It's SUNDAY, and I can't believe Easter is just two weeks away. Where has the time gone?

Yesterday, Doug and I went to the Newcomers meeting for the church we've been attending since January. They were all very gracious and quite genuine. At our previous church, genuine behavior seemed more the exception than the rule, to put it nicely.

I opened up about being bipolar, though, and that just scared me to death. Now I'm wondering if they think I'm just doing this on an upswing and I won't commit? I wonder the same thing.

I really hate this freaking disease. Every moment, every day, I have to watch myself like a hawk. I can't cut loose in small ways, because small ways turn into big ways and it all sucks. I feel angry and sad. I can't just go shopping like other people. I can't have a beer. I can't do ANYTHING, it seems, for fear that I'm going to go too far and either soar into mania or sink into depression. Even though I am on meds, it still pops out sometimes. It's just like asthma. I started out on an increased dose of lithium about three weeks ago, and I meet with my psych on Thursday to discuss how it's going. I hate hate hate hate HATE this.

Sudiegirl the disgruntled