Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Finally...blinded by science in 2008!

Today, we have a "Blinded Me With Science!" Award!

The Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Centre in the southwestern province of Sichuan, China.

"Sexercise" for male pandas. To quote the article:

China's notoriously sex-shy pandas are being put through a rigorous "sexercise" programme in a new effort to encourage them to mate, state media reported on Tuesday.
Yep - apparently Steve Carell is not the only male virgin in this world. I have yet to encounter a male that is "sex-shy", but apparently it's a problem in the panda world.

One activity is some kind of hoochie dancer thing that is designed to get the male pandas to walk on their hind legs. Again, from the article:

The Chengdu Panda Breeding and Research Centre in the southwestern province of Sichuan is making male pandas walk on their two legs to strengthen their pelvic and hip muscles, to better prepare them for sex, the China Daily said.

The move, which is achieved by luring male pandas up with an apple, looks remarkably like a dance routine and is aimed to boost the animal's sexual stamina, the report said.
Judge's comments:

Well, first of all...I never knew there was a problem like this but then again, I'm not a wanton, desperate female panda. I'm a fast-approaching middle aged broad who can give or take on the sex issue. But I gotta tell ya, some of the concepts are too potentially funny NOT to pass up.

First of all..."PANDA PORN!" Yes, read all about it below:

Giant pandas are known to be sexually inactive, but the new measure follows several other initiatives taken to try and encourage breeding, including panda pornography...

Randy pandas are also showcased having sex in front of their inexperienced counterparts to show the latter how it's done.
OK - I know I'm a bit naive on some things. I embrace my ignorance on some things, and panda porn is indeed one of 'em.

What kind of porn do pandas relate to? Are they into group stuff? Spanking? Role-playing? Is Ron Jeremy the star of panda porn videos? He's certainly hairy enough, and richer than most hairy guys I know, so he can afford to go to China and help out boy pandas too shy to proposition females at their local singles bar.

Second: why blame the males? What about frigid female pandas? Don't people think about that? Don't be heapin' the blame on my panda brothers. They're only able to do so much, and they don't even have opposable thumbs so as to be able to...uh...well, I think I've gone too far on this one.

However, I do salute the scientists who design panda porn and do hooch dances for the desperate and frigid panda population in China. SAL-UTE!