My god - you'd think I'd learn...

OK - so - I got a wild hair (no pun intended) last night and set my hair in rollers.

Now hear me out...I usually have pretty OK luck with foam rollers and stuff when I sleep on them wet. Usually.

But last night, I decided I wanted spiral curls.

Why?

Because apparently I am an idiot.

Oh, it started out well...I'm jammin' to Steely Dan's "Two Against Nature" CD while setting my titian (sp?) locks, and it didn't really take that long to do so. Once I was finished, I turned off the CD, went to the bedroom, read for a while and then went to sleep.

This morning, I got up at 5:30 AM to take these lovely li'l rollers out. Once that was finished, the following sounds came from my throat..."JEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

I scared D to death with my screams.

"What what what?" he said, startled as can be.

"My HAIR!!!!! My F*****G HAIR!"

Yes, my hair was REALLY bad. Not just "well, it's OK"...we're talking they should create sick days for this kind of disaster. We're talkin' "finger in the light socket" time. Running a pick through it only made it worse. It would snag, and make my eyes water, and then I'd curse even more.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked, then walked in to the bathroom and said, "Oh."

I didn't cry...but I did curse a lot. It didn't help that D said, "Why don't you sing a few choruses of 'Tomorrow' for me?" I kept screaming, "I look like f*****g Buckwheat! Motherf****r! I HATE MY F*****G HAIR!!!!!" I'm sure my neighbors hated me at that moment. D wasn't exactly pleased.

It took me about fifteen minutes to mash my hair into a barrette and a scrunchie, so nobody would know of my latest hair faux pas. I am so ashamed. I do this to myself...nobody else is to blame but me. But I am so inept with hair stuff...you'd think I would know better after all this time.

I don't even want to think about what my hair is going to look like on Black Saturday (May 5). I've had people offer to do my hair, and to be honest, they can't do any worse to it than I can. I may take 'em up on it...and then drink a few shots of rum to further anesthetize myself.

Better living through hair care products, I always say.