Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Typical Tuesday

Thought for Today:
"I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is only a temporary situation."
- Mike Todd, American movie producer (1907-1958).

Sudiegirl's response:
Yeah, but you can't say 'bro'...however, you can say po' and make the excuse that you couldn't afford the last two letters of the word.

Well, I'm not coughing up AS MUCH phlegm today, but it happens every once in a while.

So, kiddies...I am hanging in there as best I can. D and I start the first of a series of pre-marital counseling sessions (our church requires it...should be interesting). I can't believe that this is finally happening. I'm sure our parents are saying,"It's about damn time!" Oh well...should be interesting to see how we're going to do this on the proverbial shoestring. If anyone has ideas, please let me know. You'd think after two of these damned things that I'd know SOMETHING.

And AS PROMISED, 99% less Britney and Rosie from now on. I was getting just as sick of ranting about them as you were of reading about it, so no more of that stuff. However, there are other things to hold in wonder and/or disdain...let's take a look, shall we?

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to Smokey Robinson and Dolly Parton for being saluted for the Kennedy Center Honors.

Yes, I know others were honored as well (Andrew Lloyd Webber, Steven "I Was An Eagle Scout" Spielberg, and Zubin Mehta), but these two are near and dear to my heart.

I had to note these two statements that their peers made about them. First, for Smokey Robinson, Aretha Franklin said the following:

"This beautiful, kind, kind man wrote and sang poetically and unselfconsciously about love ... redefining popular music in the '60s, using the connective power of song to break down the barriers of black and white," she said.

Meanwhile, Reba McEntire had this to say about Dolly:

"Once upon a time, a woman in Nashville was told what song to sing, in what clothes," she said. "Because of Dolly we've been writing, producing and singing our own music for some time now."

You know, it seems to me that the Honors just keep getting better and better. I know Stevie's been honored, but I'm hoping there'll be more worthy honorees to come. I feel badly that I can't get more stoked about Spielberg or Andrew Lloyd Webber, but I guess too much exposure to "E.T" and "Memory" from "Cats" will do that for a person.

So from the good, we've got to go to the bad, right? It's been a while since this award's come up, but Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. (makers of Do-It-Yourself Taxidermy kits, now with 50% more stuffing) feels that these folks are indeed worthy of the honors. So without further adieu, let's look at today's:

First Recipient: 21-year-old Leonardo Romero, a.k.a. "The Pajama Thief".

Reason: To quote the article:

A California man instead opted for pajamas when he allegedly held up a convenience store, using the pants pocket as a holster - and providing a pretty vivid description for police. At approximately 2:14 a.m. on Nov. 22, 2006, a man wearing his PJs entered a 7-Eleven and told the clerk to fork over the cash, police said. "The store clerk said the suspect entered the store and demanded money, while at the same time displaying part of a gun from his pajama pockets," according to a statement issued by the Salinas Police Department.

Double Plus Bonus? When attempting to flee on foot...he was caught by the police dog. Again, to quote the article:

With the help of a police dog named Brix, cops apprehended Romero as he tried to climb over a fence.

Judge's comments:

Ya know, I can just imagine him going to prison with the "Pajama thief" rep. I hear the catcalls now:

"Yo, man...did you bring your pajamas with you?"

"I bet they had feet, right?"

"Your momma can't tuck you in now, dog..."

"I got your teddy bear right here, junior..."

God forbid if they hear about him getting caught by the dog. He may want to ask for solitary.

2nd and 3rd recipients: Sukhwinder Singh Grewal, 41, and Amrik Singh, 27

Reason: They're nut thieves. To quote the article:

Two men suspected of masterminding a $2 million almond theft ring in California's Central Valley were arraigned Monday on felony charges of receiving stolen property.

Police found workers at a warehouse Nov. 26 loading boxes from various nut processors into a rental truck. Officers recovered more than 123,000 pounds of almonds and 13,000 pounds of walnuts.

Authorities accuse Grewal, the owner of Sona Spice Imports, an importer and wholesaler of goods from India, of selling the nuts in unmarked boxes to small stores throughout California and parts of Canada. Investigators have said there was no indication buyers knew the nuts were stolen.

Double plus bonus: Nope...

Judge's comments: OH do I have 'em...

1. Sometimes you steal lots of nuts...sometimes you don't.
2. How many men out there - when they first read this headline - grabbed their crotches in fear?

I guess I understand the value of the nuts, but it's still weird.

That's all I got for this one...

So we've had the good, the bad...and now...the UGLY.

Great. Just great.

As if this world weren't annoying enough - Tori Spelling has to write a damned book about herself? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

To quote the article:

The "Beverly Hills 90210" alumna, who has been spoofing her rich-kid reputation on VH1's "so noTORIous," is working on a memoir to be published in 2008 by Simon Spotlight Entertainment, a division of Simon & Schuster.

"We all think we know who Tori Spelling is because she has grown up in the public eye, but her book will give readers a chance to know the real Tori — a funny and resilient young woman with a fascinating story to tell," Jennifer Bergstrom, Vice President and Publisher of Simon Spotlight, said Monday in a statement.

Here's something interesting to note, however...again, from the article:

The book is currently untitled; financial terms were not disclosed.

In the interest of helping Tori out (or getting a laugh at her expense), I have decided to come up with some book titles for her. That way, she's not bothered with the task of creating an original thought. (Something tells me she might have trouble with that particular task.)

Here we go:

For Who The Bimbo Tolls
Valley of the Talent-Free Daddy's Girls
Wake Up! I'm Stupid!
The Life of Someone Who Dumped Her First Husband By Fax (Or Text Message, Can't Remember Which)
The Red, Low-Cut Dress of Courage
Much Ado About Nothing (OK...I admit, no editing of this title, but really, it fits, doesn't it?)
My Daddy Bought Me A TV Show And Now He's Dead
The Idiot (again, no editing, but it's more convenient that way!)
Low Expectations
Long Day's Journey Into The Galleria

If anyone has other ideas, by all means, share with me! That's what this blog is all about...sharing sharing sharing.

Nothing's sadder during the holiday season than a breakup, no matter what your orientation is. Sadly, Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkuhl have parted ways.

I really do wonder sometimes if Bass revealed his sexuality as a career-advancing device or not. I mean, he wasn't doing so well...the whole astronaut thing fell through, his movie sucked, etc. Also, I can't help but think that Lehmkuhl's status as a reality game show winner was enough for him...maybe hitching his wagon to Lance's small star was first and foremost on his mind? I mean, the book deal...the statement to the press that Lance's outing was "forced" by PerezHilton.com...it seemed pretty damned convenient.

I still believe that Lance is Paul Lynde's illegitimate son, though...you have to admit, that game show connection is what clinched it for me.

Thoughts, anyone?

Finally, I have made three new friends...I'm adding them to my blogroll as well, but please stop by these blogs and tell them Sudiegirl sent you. You'll be glad you did. Click here, here and here for further details...

So see? See? I didn't forget about you. Far from it, gentle readers. I love you all bunches and bunches, and I am thankful that you come and visit me.

Have an awesome Tuesday, and if I don't cough up a lung I'll be back tomorrow.