Tough enough Tuesday...LUCHA LUCHA!!!

Today in history:

On Oct. 10, 1845, the U.S. Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, Md.
(There is no better sight in the world than driving by said Naval Academy and seeing all the men in uniform walk by. Not just because of their devotion to protecting the U.S., but because they look DAMN FINE in their dress uniforms. Pant, pant, drool…)

In 1935, George Gershwin's opera "Porgy and Bess" opened on Broadway.
(Trivia: I think – and I could be wrong; please correct me if I am – Bobby McFerrin’s father was in one of the first productions of this groundbreaking opera. It’s definitely one of my faves as far as the score is concerned; I have never seen it on stage, but I hope to before I die.)

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Well, I celebrated my Columbus Day by sleeping through some of it, and then cleaning up around the house a smidge. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate a holiday honoring a man who traveled the wrong way.

So anyway, I’m making up for my absent post by two posts today. I can do that b/c it’s my blog, my rules. Har har.

Anyway…I was inspired by Robin Williams today. Why, you ask? (Even if you don’t ask why, humor me anyway…come on, throw a girl a bone, huh?)

It’s because of this statement, from an article posted on ABC.com. To read the whole article, click HERE. Otherwise, here’s the inspiring quote:

[Robin] Williams was asked about today's crop of potential presidential candidates, particularly Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

"If you do a double bill, Hillary and Oprah [Winfrey]," Williams said. "Ebony and ivory, go together in perfect. … I just want to see Oprah debate [Secretary of State] Condoleezza [Rice]. That would be like … I think that's a pay-per-view."

While I can’t duplicate the rapid-fire delivery of Mr. Williams, I can propose a unique, exciting idea that I’m SURE would change the course of Presidential elections forever.

That idea is…political “Lucha Libre”.

Yes, having masked fighting become the supreme deciding factor in who runs this country can’t be any worse than the electoral vote. (I realize many political analysts will disagree with it, but I think it’s because they didn’t think of it first.)

According to wikipedia, here is how they define this sacred art:

Lucha libre is a phrase used in almost every Spanish country which could mean professional wrestling or freestyle wrestling. Starting in the early 1900s it was mainly a regional phenomenon until Salvador Lutterroth brought American wrestlers to Mexico in the 1930s, giving the sport a national foothold for the first time.

Already, the goosebumps are forming, aren’t they?

Come on – it seems logical, doesn’t it? After all, a lot of males are certainly into watching women wrestle. Also, since women would be embarrassed about this, they would want the two female wrestlers to wear masks of some sort to conceal their identities, correct? Therefore, put 1 and 1 together and you get Presidential Hopeful Female “Lucha Libre”!!!

I think – as Robin Williams suggests – that Hillary Rodham Clinton and Oprah Winfrey should be the ones to give us the throw down, so since they’re both busy I’ll take care of the details.

1. The Masks

As you can see, lucha libre masks are both concealing and flamboyant…two essential elements for the match.

2. The rest of the gear

Since the two wrestlers are both female, in the interest of good taste (and network peacemaking), tops and bottoms should be worn. They both should be spandex, but design is up to the opposing camps. Since Hillary is already in the Senate, she should have an American flag design. Oprah should wear an outfit that is designed after one of her “Oprah’s Book Club” book covers. I’m not sure which one though, so if anyone wants to contribute, please feel free to do so.

3. Venue

Of course, since Mexico is the capitol of Lucha Libre, we should be respectful and use one of the facilities their country has. That way, it can be aired in English and Spanish (on Univision) so that way many groups of voters are represented. Fair enough? Also, since spandex is involved, simulcasts on Spike TV and MTV are possible, and since it’s women, LIFETIME, baby!!!!

4. Rules

The rules of Lucha Libre are very similar to its American predecessor in singles matches. Matches can be won by pinning the opponent to the mat for the count of three, making him submit, knocking him out of the ring for a count of twenty or by disqualification. Submission is generally verbal or signaled by waving the hands. The tap-out, which is popular in Japan and the United States, has little meaning in Mexico. Using the ropes for leverage is illegal and once a luchador is on the ropes, his opponent must release any holds and he will not be able to pin him.

Disqualifications occur when an opponent uses an illegal hold or move such as the “Martinete”, hits his opponent in the groin (faul), uses outside interference, attacks the referee or rips his opponent's mask completely off.

Most matches are two out of three falls (Dos de tres caídas) and failure to observe the rest period in between rounds can lead the referee to call exceso de rudezas (usually translated as "excessive violence") and reverse the previous fall's decision.

So basically, other than these guidelines, it’s pretty much a free-for-all, and really, don’t you wanna see that? That’s good TV, and you don’t have to worry about waiting in line at the voting booth. Plus, you can drink beer and sit around in your underwear, a practice that they discourage at your average polling place.

But what if the VP candidates want to get involved? Who would they be? Well, for Oprah it’d be Gayle King because they do everything together. For Hillary, I’m really not sure who’d she have because I don’t know if she has friends or not. Let me just pick someone out of the blue…OK…think think think…how about…Katie Couric? Her anchoring of CBS News isn’t doing so well, and I’m sure lots of guys would want to see her in a mask and spandex, wrestling her perky li’l heart out. So if we go with the tag team approach, here are the rules:

The primary match type in Lucha Libre is the six-man tag match called Relevos Australianos ("Australian tag match") although they are usually called tríos matches outside of Mexico. The matches usually have two referees and the two teams have a captain. In order to win a fall, either the team captain must pin the other team captain or any two members of one team must be pinned. If the legal man of the team leaves the ring, another team member can replace him without tagging in. The referee may also designate any two wrestlers as the legal participants. In traditional tag matches with two man teams, both members of the team must be pinned down.

You gotta admit…this is good for the country, and good for promotions. Best of all, if something “ILEGAL!” has occurred, it takes a heck of a lot less time to determine what’s happened and whose fault it is.

So think about it, America…Lucha Libre Election Time! LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!

Sudiegirl
(Who loves her country, and likes this idea…)

PS: This idea is for entertainment purposes only, and I don't want anyone to think I am not for the idea of a female US President. It's just for the laughs, folks...thanks for understanding!