Monday post part deux

Interesting search term of the day:

"gaithersburg enema"

Eew...kind of a brand-name thing going on. I can visualize the slogan now...

"There ain't no enema like a gaithersburg enema...now with 20% more fiber."

(Mr. Fabulous, if you're reading this, you should know how dedicated I am to the art of catchy slogans by now...)

Well, the results are mixed as to whether I should be the next Crocodile Hunter.

Des says she'd watch the show, but doesn't want me to mess with wild animals for fear of injury. I must say I agree with her, but hell - what's a few nicks and cuts in exchange for world-wide exposure to the Sudiegirl mystique??? (Plus, I can always pull a Marlin Perkins and send someone else to do the real dirty work...)

Jules wants to be my sidekick. I must say, if you go to her blog and read her various accounts of working with children, she is definitely qualified.

Petey baby thinks I should stick to the Mall (I can't say that he's wrong, but I don't want to disappoint my public...)

Stacy (who has never heard of White Shoulders perfume) wants to borrow my custom-tailored white jacket with the really long sleeves that wrap around. No dice, but I'll spritz you with White Shoulders so you can experience its wonderfulness.

Cheering section (so far) consists of Michelle and Mike Ashley (Also, Michelle should be in charge of political commentary and Mike Ashley can write the theme song lyrics.)

Tomorrow, I'll come up with the logo. Stay tuned!

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OK...the "Huh?" award raises its head on a fine Monday morning. Recipient: Coca-Cola corporation

Reason: opening Coca-Cola plant in the capitol of Afghanistan.

To quote the article:

KABUL, Afghanistan - A sniper on the gleaming Coca-Cola factory's roof peers through his gun sight over Kabul's bullet-pocked suburbs, searching for any hint of a terrorist threat.

In a parking lot festooned with red Coke flags, an American dog handler barks commands at journalists being frisked by Afghan security agents.

In strife-ridden Afghanistan, this is how even the most positive of events — like Sunday's opening of a new $25 million Coca-Cola production plant — are handled. Even more so when pro-U.S. Afghan President Hamid Karzai attends.

The president thinks it will be a positive thing for the country, providing jobs, etc. Perhaps so...but here's another comment from across town. Again, to quote the article:

Across town, Jomaa Gul saw things differently. The unemployed 34-year-old lives in the ruins of what was once the administration block of Coca Cola's last production plant in Kabul.

Gul's father worked at the 40-year-old plant before it was ravaged by artillery fire in the 1992-1996 civil war, which killed more than 50,000 people and installed the Taliban. The younger Gul's family and four others moved into the bombed-out building because they had no other place to go.

Afghanistan needs new hospitals and an end to violence, not investment for soft drinks, Gul said. "But now we have no running water, no electricity and no sanitation," Gul said as he kicked a dust-covered glass Coca-Cola bottle through a patch of weeds in the loading bay where trucks once took the soft drink away.

"Hospitals and security are more worthy investments for $25 million than a soft drink plant."

Judge's comments:

OK. I know I'm no expert in foreign relations or international business.

However, last I heard, I was a working stiff, and as one, I understand some basic principles of the working life. I can see the president's point of view on the positive changes this new plant could bring.

In THEORY, I understand this.

However, we also know there's theory and practice. Mr. Gul is one of the examples of PRACTICE. He's unemployed. We don't know if he's applied for employment at this new Coke plant or not. But we know that his father worked at the old one.

We also know that Mr. Gul and his family are living in the bombed out old Coke factory because they had no other options for housing.

I agree with him too...hospitals and security for one's nation are more worthy causes than a soft drink factory.

So who's right? Who's wrong?

See...that's why this "Huh?" award was created, for just such an occasion.

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Rancho Sudiegirl, Inc. has created yet another new award. How do we do it? Well, with faith, trust, lots of caffeine, and absolutely no social life whatsoever.

Ladies and gentlemen...I give you...the "Few Fries Short of a Happy Meal" award

Inaugural recipient: unidentified Slovak driver who was using a penis pump while driving and crashed into a bus. To quote the article:

"It's very likely he had auto-sex while driving, it is a matter of investigation. After the accident he was found lying in the seat, his pants were off and it (the pump) was placed on his penis," police officer Peter Polak told Reuters.

Oddly enough, the driver didn't die in the accident. He was taken to the hospital for head injuries.

Judge's comments:

I'll bet you dollars to donuts that he'd trade his current spot for one in the morgue by the time this story hits his friends and family. Oh well, as Dennis Miller said when describing Jimmy Swaggart's exploits, "Let he who has a free hand cast the first stone."

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Finally, PANDA NAMES! Who doesn't want to name this currently moniker-less panda? So far, we have a few...as you remember, my choices were:

Babycakes
Flo
Cuddles
Fluffer-butt (that's what I call my cat Millie sometimes.)

Edward H. sez he'd name the panda "Delmar" just because.

Des says that she would name the panda whatever the Chinese translation is for "giant cutie poo puff ball".

Michelle opts for "Scooter Pops".

So, fair readers - put your idea in the hopper. Not sure what the prize will be yet, but it'll be something befitting the "Rancho Sudiegirl" way of life.

Bye for now...smooches!

Sudiegirl