Another award!

Announcing the "Smile, Darn Ya Smile!" Award...




This is given to a person/group of persons who have no sense of humor to a genetic flaw or hyper-devotion to a cause. I'm not saying devotion is BAD...but sometimes when they get pissy over a situation that's dumb to begin with, it's potentially hazardous to one's health if they don't laugh.

Recipient: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (aka PETA).

Reason: They want Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois, to drop their Halloween-themed promotion. What is that promotion? Well, they are offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach (which can reach up to three inches in length).

To quote the article, here are what both sides have to say:

PETA: A spokeswoman for the animal rights organization says the contest at the amusement park's FrightFest is "gratuitously cruel."

Six Flags Great America: Amusement park officials are defending their menu choice. Great America spokesman Jim Taylor says the bugs are nutritious, high in protein and fat free.

Judge's Comments:

Well, first of all, this is not a contest I will enter. EVER.

So there's that.

But COME ON. I don't care if the roach is from Madagascar or Hoboken. I don't care if it hisses or does backflips. The point is...IT'S A ROACH!!!!!!

For many reasons, I approve of a roach's demise.

For one thing...they're going to outlive us in a nuclear blast, so right there, a roach's demise is based on principle. It's not fair that some organism with the propensity to spread disease and make oogy noises gets to live. (Then again, there is Paris Hilton...)

Second of all - consider this: whenever I think of someone that wants to go to the All-Roach Buffet, I think of Renfield from "Dracula" (especially the Coppola remake, with Tom Waits playing Renfield). So you know what? If I'm goin' to a theme park (and the thought of that is enough to make me queasy) I'm not going to need unlimited line-jumping. I'm going to need a comfy spot and a nice tall mug of frosty beer. Let Renfield eat the Madagascar hissing thingie...it's not hurting me any. I'd rather be viewed as the cutie-patootie redhead with pretty eyes and a mug of beer than the greasy, filthy Renfield wanna-be that's gonna eat a ROACH!!!!!!!!!

Thirdly, if the Great America spokesman Jim Taylor is to be believed, the roaches are HEALTHY.

No. You all know I don't do healthy. (If confused, go through previous entries with multiple references to ice cream, and this entry's "Frosty Beer" reference for further clarification).

So if it's healthy - and you're going to a theme park to engage in safe yet risky behavior - why do you want healthy? It's like going to the state fair and eating a Caesar salad instead of a batter-dipped, deep-fried candy bar. You don't want healthy - you want artery-clogging, potential stomach-pump-using good time family fun! Therefore, no healthy roaches need apply.

Finally, I don't think PETA has thought this through completely. Isn't it better to be eaten and give the cockroach the dignity of an honorable death that helped some roller-coaster geek to win a prize? Or is it better to be like me, feel the thing run across your foot, and BEAT THE EVERLOVING CRAP OUT OF IT WITH THE NEAREST BLUNT OBJECT? Poor little roach doesn't have a chance.

So see? There are positives to the situation, PETA...so SMILE, DARN YA!!!

Sudiegirl