Musings of a chick: Flippant Friday

Remini held Suri Cruise during L.A. visit
(OK - I know that this headline means an actress named Leah Remini held TomKat's baby. However, if you're not quite awake yet, and you read this article, wouldn't YOU think that it meant that some kind of insurgent army took over a city in the Middle East? Oh boy...)

Authorities say "Band-Aid bandit" captured
(Well, he should have switched to Curad, or the store brand, don't you think?)

It's Friday - meaning it's the day after Thursday and the day before Saturday. (Have I used this line before? Probably - oh well.)

I have a gig tonight in Elkridge, MD. That's up by Baltimore, I believe.

Every time I think about this gig, I shake my head in frustration. Why?

1. We're going to have to brave weekend rush hour traffic in the direction of Baltimore (which is also at the height of tourist season).

2. High gas prices and escalating temperatures do not make this gig any more appealing either.

3. The client (a - SURPRISE - historical society) only wanted to pay for a 15-piece band but they want a fuller sound plus a vocalist. In short, they want to pay yesterday's prices for the whole package. Therefore, since our band doormat - er, manager - committed to the gig anyway, he's taking the remainder of the cost out of his own pocket.

A. Some of the folks in the band are going to refuse their pay, but not me. I figure if I'm haulin' my expansive diva ass to this place, I've already shaved my legs and armpits and I'm angry enough at having to take time out to do that. Therefore, I need compensation of a sort.

B. In addition, if our manager commits to this, and we're not union workers, we can say no to this illustrious gig. It just honked me off to hear the "sob story", and in my opinion, it's not my fault. I've waived fees before for my singing, but it's usually for family or close friends. If it's for some yahoo that I barely know, I charge. It might be lower than some other people might charge, but I'm OK with it because I do it for fun. But if I'm asked to do something because I'm part of a group, and the person in charge makes a bad decision, I'm not that charitable. I could be at home watching trashy cable TV shows, but I'm fulfilling my duties as the "chick singer". Therefore, if I do my part, he should do his without other people turning it into a Hallmark Hall of Fame tv-movie.

OK - enough of my whining...

Let's talk about Hollyweird for a sec, shall we?

First of all, there's a moving coming out on August 4th called "Barnyard: The Movie". (I guess that's so we don't confuse it with "Barnyard: The Novel"? I dunno...)

It looks like it could be pretty funny, and any animated film project that can "rope in" (if you'll pardon the pun) Sam Elliott from a cowboy role to a "cow" role has my vote. Not to mention Danny Glover as a voice cast member, and Kevin James (who is so cute).

But one thing disturbs me - this picture, which is supposedly of the "leading male character" and a hapless mail carrier:

I guess I don't remember enough about biology or animal husbandry. I know that female cows have udders like this, but do MALES? They keep referring to the male cows as "cows", but I thought they were "steers" or "bulls" or something. You'd think since I come from Iowa, that I know these things. However, my dad wasn't farming when I was growing up, and the farmers I knew usually did grain or hogs. Let me pause for a moment and check with my mom...

OK, I'm back. Here's what my mom (who knows more about this stuff than I do) says:

1. Male cows do not have udders. They are called "bulls" if they still have their "gear" (if you know what I mean), and "steers" if they've been castrated.

2. Female cows do have udders. If they have not had a calf yet, they are "heifers". If they have had a calf, they are called "cows". Furthermore, female cows cannot give milk until they've had a calf. They're like humans in this respect.

I knew the terminology for male and female cows, but I just wanted to make sure I had things in the right order. MOMS ROCK! Thanks, Mom! These film-makers should have called you to get things right. (Their moms aren't as smart as you are, so they don't know about these things. I'm so blessed! I love you, Mom!)

One final thing - in the "spooky chicks" department, does anyone else see the shocking resemblance between Bryce Dallas Howard and Sissy Spacek? Take a look: