The dog ate my rough copy, and congratulations to Nicole Kidman/Keith Urban!

Congratulations to Nicole Kidman on her recent marriage to a normal guy.

She deserves it. She also deserves full custody of their two children since Tom has his genetically engineered child with Katie "I'm not brainwashed, really" Holmes. Hope she has a happy life!

I'm sorry I haven't written, y'all...I'm not sure what was up with that, other than I've been busy and...OK...men, leave RIGHT NOW if you don't want to read the rest of this.

OK...gals? Still here? Let's go, then...

Yep...the crimson tide has come in. And here are some other euphemisms for it, while I'm feeling up to sharing them:

• "Trolling for vampires" (my personal favorite, besides "crimson tide")
• "Riding the Cotton Pony"
• "Aunt Mavis" (insert another maiden aunt-sounding name if you feel "Mavis" doesn't hack it)
• "The Monthly Bill" (because sometimes they do come early)
• "That not-so-fresh-feeling"
• "Hell" (short, sweet, to the point)

I hate this part of womanhood. It's so not fair.

I mean, do guys have anything like this to contend with?

NO. Impromptu boners and wet dreams don't even come close because gradually, they go away as you get older and control the urges.

The crimson tide comes every month, lasts for five days, and the time preceding it is filled with bloating, tender breasts, mood swings, greasy hair and unexplained phenomena of that nature.

Did I mention the uncontrollable cravings for chocolate and salty things? How about the near-animalistic behavior if one is unfortunate enough to stand between the pre-menstrual woman and the Hershey bar?

Here's a story for you if you think I'm bluffing: One man I know is still waiting for his prosthetic arm because he was innocently opening a bag of Reeses' Pieces in front of his girlfriend.

It took the paramedics two hours to pry her jaws from his shoulder, and the ambulance driver set the speed record for going 100 miles/hr. to the nearest 7-11 for the necessary supplies to divert the female - namely Pringles, an economy sized bag of M&Ms, and Dove ice cream. It was all for the greater good.

Think about it...during that special time, the woman you know as your sweet, amiable spouse/girlfriend/sister/mother/niece/aunt (or other significant female in your life) goes thorugh this behavior. You have it easy. Don't EVER forget that. If you do, you will be kidnapped and forced to watch a double feature of "Steel Magnolias" and "Pretty Woman" with a group of pre-menstrual women that have run out of chocolate and Kleenexes.

OK guys, you can come back now...

Anyway, it's been rainy, drizzly, humid, and otherwise summerish here, and nothing new.

My mother has returned from her trip out west...and there were no calls from the FBI while she was gone so I assume things went well.

One thing I found out this weekend? They're CANCELLING my other fave TV dramedy on cable - yep, "HUFF" was sent to the ratings guillotine.

This is so unfair. Shit like "AI' and "The Surreal Life" stays on the air, but good quality TV like "Huff" gets the axe. The season finale is tonight, and something tells me these folked filmed the episode without knowing they were going to get the "big hook".

Oh well, that's life, I guess. At least I'll have "Big Love" to come back to. If there are any "Huff" fans out there, go to The Internet Movie Database, and the bulletin boards for "Huff" therein. They have a link to the petition put together by one fan to save "Huff". I'm not sure how much good it'll do, but hey...that's what this country is all about, right?

Well, that's all I have to say at the moment - gotta go curl up like a boiled shrimp and fight cramps.

Bye!

Sudiegirl