Wistful Wednesday

Ah – the middle of the week. Question, though – if it’s closer to the weekend and should make us happy, why is it the day of the week that’s the hardest one to spell? I had a heck of a time remembering it when I was a kid.

Anyway…

A co-worker and I were discussing the concept of how much family involvement is healthy. It’s weird – she was amazed about how much involvement I have with my niece and nephew, and declared that it was a “Midwest or Southern thing”.

I’m not sure if it’s a regional thing as much as a “Sudie” thing.

I’ve seen both sides of the coin.

I’ve seen my maternal grandfather treat his family like mere interruptions – people in the way of what he wants to do. He treated his friends like he SHOULD’VE treated his family. He didn’t really care about what his children/grandchildren/great-grandchildren liked if it didn’t mesh with what he liked. I spoke and sang at his funeral, but there was no mourning for him.

I’ve seen my dad’s parents (especially my grandmother) not GET the concept of outside friends and thinking that family is enough. I remember once, my grandmother told me that I should never keep secrets from her when I refused to show her letters I had received from my very first pen-pal (in the third grade). It wasn’t a big thing, but it was “mine” and I wanted the letters for myself. Over the years, our relationship went downhill slowly. By her death, I didn’t even visit her or talk to her. I sang at her funeral too, and it affected me more simply because of the attachment my dad had for her, not anything I had in my heart.

Which approach/viewpoint/philosophy is right? Which is wrong? Is there a right or wrong? There is according to my friend. Her solution is total detachment. While I don’t LIKE the extremes of either method, but it’s hard to maintain detatchment. When you’re far away, it’s that much harder. When you have no children of your own, add even more hardness to it.

I made mistakes in judgment on this blog by noting things about family matters that I shouldn’t have. (They were edited out so you can’t find them anymore, and that’s that…) The question in my mind remains: “How much of the involvement should I keep up?”

Let’s face it – there’s been times when I have felt slighted, and times when I have slighted. I have worked hard to get over past slights, but I know I’m not perfect. I work hard to make sure I don’t slight others, but again, I’m not perfect.

I constantly struggle with it. I feel like I have to defend; I have to encourage; I have to report; I have to remain involved. But will my family do the same things for me? Should I accept their kindness now, or deem it too late?

It’s like I always say, “You can forgive the dog that bites you, but you don’t have to go back in their yard.”

I wish I knew if I could “pet this dog”. It would make my life easier.

Sorry – no jokes today – just thought I needed to vent.

Sudiegirl
(who will be more mirthful tomorrow, I promise)