Droopy Sudie

I’m so damned frustrated right now, it’s not even funny.

D lost his job yesterday.

My back is killing me.

I’ve embarrassed myself twice today in front of friends and am having a hard time not kicking myself for it.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

I am just so tired, frustrated, and other adjectives that imply “not perky” – I don’t like this.

It’s not D’s fault. I feel like I’m not very good at being supportive, but dammit, sometimes it’s all I can do to keep myself straight, you know? I work hard not to let my feelings overflow at work, I try to keep organized, etc. I already know that my nurturing skills suck when it counts, and I don’t want to let D down and make him feel like he’s not worth spit. He’s such a good person, and I wish he could get a chance to show an employer that he can be dedicated and work to the utmost of his ability. We thought this last job would be a great opportunity, but it turned out to be the opposite.

I’ve been there. Oh GOD have I been there. And I’m afraid to talk to my mom about it because I’m not in the mood to hear her say, “Well, I remember someone who went through the same thing; where’s YOUR patience?”

I wonder the same thing. I’m so mad at myself.

I need to be stronger for him, but sometimes I need strength from another as well. That’s the hard part of being so far from home.

I hate my hometown but I love my family, and I miss just being able to go to their house and relax. I miss feeling my dad’s hand on my head or patting my shoulder. I miss my mom helping me brainstorm. I even miss my sister cracking jokes and my nieces and nephew hugging me and asking if I’m going to be OK.

But you know, I do have to look on the bright side…

At least my college mascot wasn’t a “Banana Slug”.

Sudiegirl