And now, from the "Quit Whining" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Ah, another little gem from Hollyweird for me to pull apart like a child might pull apart a set of Legos. JOY!

Star demands Playboy pull issue with her on cover
By Dan Whitcomb 52 minutes ago

Film star Jessica Alba demanded that Playboy magazine pull its March issue, saying on Thursday that its editors made her an unwitting cover girl and misled readers into thinking they could see her nude inside. (OK…has she not heard about what Playboy is most famous for? HINT: It’s not recipes.)

Lawyers for Alba sent Playboy a letter threatening to sue if it did not remove the issue -- which features a publicity photo of the bikini-clad actress on the front -- from the stands and pay for damages to her reputation and career. (I’m really biting my tongue so hard it hurts!)

"Playboy has violated my personal rights and blatantly misled the public, who might think I had given them permission to put me on their cover when I didn't," Alba, 24, said in a statement. (Well, who in this day and age is going to get mad at you for being on the cover of Playboy these days, besides the religious right or Gloria Steinem …who USED to be a Playboy Bunny for an undercover magazine article?)

Alba's lawyers say that after the "Fantastic Four" star refused to pose for Playboy, the magazine tricked Sony Pictures into giving them a publicity photo from her 2005 film "Into the Blue," for the cover. (OK…how does one corporation trick another? Does it involve phone pranks? Joy buzzers? Exploding cigars? Work with me here…)

In the February 23 letter, which was made public on the Smoking Gun Web site, attorney Brian Wolf says Playboy sought to create the false impression that Alba would appear in revealing pictures inside the magazine. (So…”bait and switch” with a$$ and t**s!)

A Playboy spokeswoman said Alba was placed on the cover after being chosen "sexiest star of the year" by its readers. She was included inside the magazine in an article on the top 25 sexiest celebrities as chosen in an online poll. (And I’m SURE it’s been detrimental to her career…NOT! She probably cries herself to sleep after counting all her money in her giant mansion.)

"Many celebrities have appeared on the cover of Playboy, but not nude, including Claudia Schiffer, Paris Hilton, Goldie Hawn, Raquel Welch, Barbra Streisand, Brooke Shields and Donald Trump," Playboy spokeswoman Lauren Malone said. (Why did they throw Donald Trump in the mix? That came out of left field. What man about town would even think about seeing Donald Trump naked? Is there something we should know?)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Jessica, dear…I’m not a prude or anything. But if you don’t want to get burned, don’t even give the appearance of playing in the fire. I’m sure you are only wearing the bikini because your skin needs to breathe, but not everyone believes that. And you should also be crawling up Sony Pictures’ butt as well, because they’re the ones that released that publicity shot! It’s not like someone from Playboy broke into your house and stole that pic out of your underwear.

I guess this is one advantage of being overweight…nobody wants to see me in a bikini, not even on the cover of “Field and Stream”.

To quote Tammy Wynette…”Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman.” Deal with it like the rest of us.

POSTSCRIPT:

I found this photo online, and doesn't it seem like Mr. Bana is checking out the latest photos of Ms. Alba and trying to keep from drooling on national TV? And Jessica is conveniently covering her cleavage with her applauding hands? She sure doesn't look too distressed. Whatever...