Friday, January 06, 2006

And now from the "Maybe The Constitution Should Contain the Right To Arm Bears?" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Shocking. Simply shocking.

Fla. Deputy Uses Taser to Stop Bear
Thu Jan 5, 4:30 PM ET
MILTON, Fla. - A sheriff's deputy got a shock when a bear came toward him as he searched for a prowler. So he gave the bear a shock with his Taser. (Two shocks don’t make a right, ya know!)

Homeowner Charlie McQueen Smith called Santa Rosa County deputies Tuesday night after finding her air conditioner torn from her kitchen window. (I’d have to do that too, I must admit.)

Deputy Ray Dykes thought he was looking for a prowler. (Natural assumption…however, did he examine the area for clawmarks or pic-a-nic baskets?)

"When I pulled up, I saw the reflection of an animal's eyes. It looked like a little bear cub," he said. "I got to about 40 feet and it stood up, and that's when I knew it was fully grown." (Yep, that’s usually an eye-opener.)

Dykes used his Taser gun when the bear got too close. (Wouldn’t that be great if everyone was issued a Taser and they could use it whenever they wanted to keep people away? Then again, you never know whose “Taser List” you’re on. Maybe that would be a bad thing after all…)

"He was about seven or eight feet away when I shocked him," he said. (Wow…what’s the range on those suckers anyway? I’m just not up on Taser technology, I guess.)

The bear fell to the ground, breaking the connection with the weapon, which administers a strong electrical charge. The animal fled into the woods and disappeared. (I bet he’s tellin’ all his bear buddies not to go to Milton because they’ll shock you with this thingie they have. It’s better to go harass tourists at Disney World, then blend in at "The Country Bears" show, unless that's the one that's in California, in which case they'll have to catch a ride with someone.)

Smith said she's lived in the home since it was built in 1960 and had never seen a bear there before Friday. The bear showed up then and visited several times over the weekend. Smith suspects the smell of fried chicken might have enticed it to try and come inside. A trash pit near the home might also have been a lure, officials said. (Yep…nothing says “come on-a-my-house” to a bear like fried chicken and garbage fumes.)

If the animal returns, the Florida Wildlife Commission will likely capture and relocate it, said commission biologist Pat Bowman. (Hey…they could send it to Pat Robertson! You know…starve the bear for a few days, send it to Pat Robertson, label it with some verbiage that would appeal to the dude, have him open it up, and VOILA! Problem solved. The bear is fed, and this country is rid of a crackpot evangelist. God, I’m BRILLIANT!)

"Between the Taser shock and the garbage removal, I would like to think this bear is going to stay away," she said. (Uh-huh…just keep the garbage removed and eat your KFC AT the restaurant, and you should be free of ‘em.)

Black bears are protected by state law. (And that’s a good thing as long as we keep the boundaries firm.)
Information from: Pensacola News Journal,

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Grin and bear it.

Whahahahahah! I got a million of ‘em!