So how am I faring on this first official holiday after my dad's passing, you ask?

I'm not really sure how to answer the question I just posed, you know?

Yesterday, D and I went to another couple's house that are friends of ours, and it was kind of stressful. Not because I was having trouble, per se...they decided they were going to fight about whose fault it was that their daughter's juice box was spilled inside the hubby's BMW.

It was bizarre...she and I and her daughter were home, working on the food. He called once to mention that the juice box was spilled and it may have shorted out some electronic thingie. Then he called two more times about the same thing and they argued back and forth. She was in tears, and I was trying to talk her down and the little girl just didn't know what to do. At any rate, I didn't think about Dad at all because I was simply trying to keep my head about me and help get dinner completed. Apparently things were better by this morning, but I can't get it out of my head.

Why is there so much pressure on everyone to have "perfect" holidays?! I mean, things aren't going to be perfect because we're human beings and human beings, by nature, are imperfect. I make light of Oprah's "twenty favorite things" and Martha Stewart being hyper-perfectionist about what a holiday should be like, but many people take them seriously and believe that this is the way it should be, world without end, amen.

But you know what? I'm not buying D a $300 iPod. I'm not buying my sister an 8-oz. jar of face cream with inspirational messages on it. I'm not buying my future father in law popcorn that costs $117. I'm not going to run hither and yon to find exotic ingredients for a dish because Martha Stewart says I should. I don't expect these things to be done for me or given to me either. I joke about being a "material girl", but really, gifts aren't as important to me nowadays. I like 'em, but if I don't get 'em, I'm cool.

Secondly, D and I don't do a whole lot for Christmas ourselves. The last couple of years, we have gone to a movie and then had Chinese food. Works for me. So many bad Christmas memories for me center around pressure for the "perfect concert", the "perfect holiday get-together", the "perfect gift", the "perfect dinner".

One example of how the rush for "perfection" has affected me- I do not own very many Christmas music recordings, if any at all. The reason? In high school, I was in a singing group called Hi-Fi's. We did probably 25 or 30 half-hour Christmas programs every school year, running around to different civic groups before school, during school, or after school. On top of it, our choir director was in the closet, and a very fussy type of guy. He's screaming at us to be more festive when we're trying to learn Christmas songs in OCTOBER. It's a wonder I didn't convert to Judaism. Once I had control of my life, I curtailed the Christmas stuff. I don't really get into the spirit of the thing until about a week before. That's fine by me.

I guess what I'm saying is this...the guy who we're honoring on Christmas was born in a stable and slept on hay. His mom had to figure out how to explain to her husband how she could be pregnant AND a virgin, and his dad had to reconcile the fact that this kid wasn't going to be a carpenter. Why do we push ourselves to create opulent ceremonies when the initial event was humble?

Think it over, folks...

Sudiegirl, who is attempting to be stress free.