Oh GOD...why do they have to ruin everything that's fine just the way it is?

(Sudiegirl's disclaimer...actually, I'd like to apologize in advance for insults slung at the yahoo who had this "brilliant" idea to infuse beer with stuff that's good for you, or at least to the idiot's family. You can't help who you're related to...God knows I'm aware of that...so read on. The original, unblemished press release from the Anheuser Busch website is linked to this, so the choice is yours.)


ST. LOUIS (Oct. 4, 2004) -

B-to-the-E (BE), Budweiser's newest entry in a long line of innovative beers by Anheuser-Busch, is a distinctive new product for contemporary adults who are looking for the latest beverage to keep up with their highly social and fast-paced lifestyles.

(Well, first of all...most of the people I know who drink Budweiser don't want to keep up with their highly social and fast-paced lifestyles. They want to sit on their asses and drink while watching the game, the Indy 500, the drug bust across the street, etc.)

As the industry leader, Anheuser-Busch is the first major brewer to infuse beer with caffeine, guarana and ginseng. Well balanced with select hops and aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry, BE will offer a lightly sweet and tart taste - a great mixture of beer and new flavors for adults to enjoy when out with friends at a club or at a bar after work with colleagues.

(WHAT?????? First of all, doesn't loading a beer with stimulant herbs kind of defeat the purpose of beer? I mean, how will ugly women like myself get laid if a guy is stimulated with caffeine, guarana and ginseng? Ginseng is supposed to help with memory, and god knows you don't want 'em to REMEMBER anything when you meet them right before the bar closes. Plus, I've actually been drunk and hopped up on caffeine at the same time, and it sucks. It doesn't sober you up, it just makes it that much harder to sleep your drunk off! And aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry...who the f**k designed this beer, Martha Stewart? It's not a good thing!)

Brewed at Anheuser-Busch's Houston brewery, BE will be packaged in a sleek, slim-line 10-ounce can with stylish graphics. BE will be launched in multiple phases throughout the year in markets across the country.

(Man, you don't even get a regular 12-oz. can out of it? That really sucks. Say goodbye to tallboys too. I don't want sleek cans! I want fat cans that sweat and leave a ring on the arm of the couch if you don't use a damned coaster!)

"Contemporary adults thirst for variety and what's new, and our B-to-the-E delivers a beverage that is true to their lifestyles and range of drinking occasions," said Pat McGauley, senior director of New Products and High End Brands, Anheuser-Busch, Inc. "Our new B-to-the-E provides caffeine, guarana, and ginseng in a great tasting beer."

(Mr. McGauley, who does your market research!? I mean, who the hell wants stimulants in a beer? That's what cocaine is for! I mean really...did you really put together a focus group and ask them, "What would be more convenient...stimulants and memory-enhancing herbs with a crisp berry aroma, or getting pulled over for cocaine possession?" I sincerely doubt it. You are going to piss off so many country singers and NASCAR fans, it will be truly horrific.)

BE will be priced slightly higher than Budweiser and marketed through local print advertising, point-of-sale materials, bar and club promotions and online programs. BE will contain 6.6 percent alcohol by volume. (OK, it costs more, there's crap in it that's good for you, and they won't even do TV commercials? That's a sure sign that something's rotten at Budweiser.)

"We created a great new drink that's outside the boundaries of the taste adults would expect from a traditional beer," said Nathaniel Davis, brewmaster, Anheuser-Busch, Inc. "With B-to-the-E, we've come up with a beer that has a taste with a 'wow' factor at the finish."

(But Mr. Davis, I don't want a "wow" factor. I want something that's going to get me wasted or get someone else wasted in the off chance that I want to go to a local dive and have anonymous sex with someone that, through the magic of alcohol's chemistry, finds me attractive 15 minutes before the bar closes! Does the phrase "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" mean ANYTHING TO YOU? Did you get knocked out by a Clydesdale or something?)

Based in St. Louis, Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. is the leading U.S. brewer and holds a 50 percent share in Grupo Modelo, Mexico's leading brewer. In a survey of 10,000 business leaders and securities analysts, Anheuser-Busch ranked first overall in quality of products and services among nearly 600 companies researched in FORTUNE magazine's 2004 "America's Most Admired Companies" listing. (Not after this, they won't. Can anyone say "Yugo"?)

The company also is one of the largest theme park operators in the United States, is a major manufacturer of aluminum cans and is the world's largest recycler of aluminum beverage containers. For more information, visit http://www.anheuser-busch.com/ or http://www.budweiser.com/.
(I'd say go there and visit, then send hate mail and tell all your friends that Anheuser-Busch is run by a bunch of hatemongering Communist bedwetters.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion(s)?
1. I wouldn't really go to a bar these days and pick up a guy that was drunk to have sex with him...I can do that at home. Also, when I say I'm ugly, it is for comedic effect. If you say I'm ugly, I'll punch your lights out doll...don't forget it.

2. I'm almost glad I don't drink anymore if they make crap like this that's actually good for you. To be honest, guarana and ginseng aren't 100% approved by the FDA...they're in the same category as stuff like St. John's wort, etc. I really think combining this crap with beer is stupid. I honestly wonder who the hell they polled to come up with this brilliant idea, but whoever they polled should be taken out and shot.

So now, to the strains of "This Bud's for You", I remain your loving and alcohol-free (for the moment):
Sudiegirl