And now...a few words on...forgiveness

OK...first of all, it's hard for me to forgive, PERIOD, so the fact that I have actually done so in this lifetime of mine is pretty hard to conceive by anyone that knows me.

However, I have done it.

I have forgiven the oddest people, though.

For example, I have never, nor will I ever, forgive my first husband for the problems he instigated in our marriage. In short, I hate him like cancer. According to the tenets of Christianity, it's not good to do that. However, I have been OK with it for the last 10 years, and probably will continue to be until I'm dead and buried.

In a complete 180-degree turn about, I have forgiven my second husband of a lot of transgressions in our marriage. I know we both made a lot of mistakes in that one too - BIG ones - but for some reason, I find it easier to forgive him than my first husband. Why is this?

I have my own theories:

1. My second husband always had the tendencies he had (bad temper, psychological issues, etc) and I chose him anyway for the strengths he could give me. In short, I knew where I was going, and I went, and I accepted responsibility for my share when it was over. With my first husband, it was more of (at least in my opinion) a case where he misrepresented himself, and I was so insecure I made mistakes of my own because I DIDN'T know where I was going with him. There's a quote from the movie "Heathers" that is appropriate..."Are we going to prom or to Hell?" That's pretty much it in a nutshell.
2. My first husband expected me to be friends with him after telling me he hadn't loved me for a year and 1/2, and that he thought he impregnated a 21-year-old. My second husband said he understood if I didn't want to be friends, but after his oldest brother died, something inside me said, "I think he still needs me on some level, and I need his friendship too." Strangely, my boyfriend is OK with this, and sometimes, all 3 of us talk on the phone. I think it's just a case of humbleness and what the other one expects. Sometimes we get friends we don't deserve (good or bad), and sometimes we think we deserve friends when we actually don't. In short, my 1st husband is laboring under delusions.

In closing, here is my theory about forgiving and forgetting: You can forgive a dog for biting you, but that doesn't mean you have to go into his yard again. Think about it.

(And I apologize for assuming the dog is male...call it a weakness...)

Hugs to all, Sudiegirl