Things I don't get

You all may think "Why is Ms. Sudiegirl sharing her ignorance with us? Doesn't she have an image to uphold?"

Nope, sure don't.

You see, in order to have an image, you have to exude some kind of mystique, which I think is kind of an exotic BO or something like that. At any rate, my BO doesn't smell in the least exotic (funky, maybe, but not exotic), therefore no mystique and no image.

So here we go, campers, onward, with "Things I Don't Get" (first in a series...Kandace S. has once again helped contribute thanks to our daily e-mail missives to each other, and other folks have contributed too...if I don't get your name inserted in here, come to my house and beat me up and I'll be sure to give you credit the next time!)

Insert your own fanfare here (I dig Aaron Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" myself):

1. OK, the first thing I don't get...HUNTING an animal and killing it. Don't get me wrong, here...this is not an anti-gun rant or some extreme PETA thing. I understand the scientific principles of thinning out the populations of various animals so they don't kill each other off due to over-population, and I'm cool with that. I did pay attention a little bit in biology, and understand that Mother Nature doesn't always get the thinning-out part done on her own. However, in this day and age of farming, mass production and whatnot (Pilgrim's Pride and the redneck sport of "chicken football" notwithstanding), do we really need to go out like Davy Crockett and shoot moose, bear, and other critters? I mean, I guess I could understand the thrill of the hunt if it was like, say, a plus-size clothing sale at Kohl's or Dress Barn. Now THAT's thrilling...going in and trying to find a pair of navy blue slacks on sale days like that is akin to opening day of pheasant season, I'm sure. However, I don't have to pluck the pants when I'm done, there's no blood (unless someone gets in my way), I don't have to have a license to go to the sale (I can take the bus or catch a ride with a fellow enthusiast), and even if I have a criminal record, I can still shop (provided I pay for my purchases, that is). Sounds girly, I know, but that's the kind of hunt I feel is most worthwhile, especially if it's 50% off or more. (Thanks to Mike F. for discussing this issue with me on a Friday night at 10 PM)
2. Why are many men turned on by two women getting intimate with each other? Kandace S. and I have been discussing this and we don't have an answer for that one yet. Nobody ever discusses whether women like watching two men smooch and do whatever to each other...I'm pretty indifferent to it, myself. As Robin Williams says, "It's like watching an industrial film in fur." If any men could actually explain this (the allure of chick-on-chick action) to me, I would sleep a little better at night...well, that would be a contributing factor, anyway. Still have to have a fifth of tequila to really get the job done.
3. OK, time for Sudie to rant on Hollywood for a few. We've all seen poor Mary-Kate Olsen do the rehab thing for anorexia, and we've seen the footage of Kirstie Alley discussing her comfort with her current physical look (which, by the way, I'm fine with...she's one of my heroes). What is the big f*****g deal with weight and physical image in Hollyweird? Our country is so messed up as it is, and we have to deal with this? I mean, the press treats Kirstie like a trailblazer of sorts, and she is. Why? Because she doesn't give a damn about what they say...she loves her children and she isn't going to worry to extremes about her body image because she's aware of who she is in the first place. She defines herself, I guess, and I admire her for it. As a plus-sized babe myself, I know there are a hell of a lot more of us out there than the celery-sucking Hollywood mamas, and they'd better watch out. One day, we'll take over.
4. The last thing I don't get (for today, anyway) is how PETA can get angry with KFC for its meat processors playing chicken football, but they can make fun of various overweight celebrities (Luciano Pavarotti, for one). Aren't humans animals, too? If so, that treatment is not very ethical and I think we should go out and throw paint on all the PETA activists we know. Oh, and since Russell Simmons (hip-hop mogul and media activist)...since his wife, Kimora Lee Simmons, got busted for pot possession, that should be OK with PETA since marijuana is organic, right? So is cocaine and heroin, and most brands of consumable alcohol...the list goes on for days. Hey, maybe I'll join PETA after all, if their standards change...

Well, until next time, campers...

Sudiegirl