It's OSCAR TIME!!!

Sudiegirl sez:
I’m just thrilled that two of my “Sexy Guys” made the cut, but now I’m torn because Paul Giamatti and George Clooney are both up for Best Supporting Actor. I haven’t seen many of the movies that are up for nomination, and I probably should, but I can still cheer for who I want.

One question, though, and it’s just me…does anyone ELSE think it’s wrong that Eddie Murphy was not even considered for an Oscar for “The Nutty Professor”? I mean, he played ALL of the Klump family except the little kid, PLUS he played Buddy Love and the Richard Simmons rip-off character. COME ON! Eddie needed to be taken seriously for that.

OK, enough from me…

List of Annual Academy Award Nominations
By The Associated Press 4 minutes ago

List of the 78th annual Oscar nominations announced Tuesday in Beverly Hills, Calif., by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences:

1. Best Picture: "Brokeback Mountain," "Capote," "Crash," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Munich."
(So much for “Walk the Line”, but that doesn’t always mean anything anyway, right? But wouldn’t it be a feather in Clooney’s cap if “Good Night and Good Luck” won? I’d be happy with that.)

2. Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Capote"; Terrence Howard, "Hustle & Flow"; Heath Ledger, "Brokeback Mountain"; Joaquin Phoenix, "Walk the Line"; David Strathairn, "Good Night, and Good Luck."
(YEAH for Philip Seymour! High FIVE! However, I’m torn again…I like David Strathairn too. He can play someone who’s vulnerable and human, or a total sleaze. Very versatile. However, he’s not on the “Unlikely Sexy Guys” list so there ya go.)

3. Actress: Judi Dench, "Mrs. Henderson Presents"; Felicity Huffman, "Transamerica"; Keira Knightley,"Pride & Prejudice"; Charlize Theron, "North Country"; Reese Witherspoon, "Walk the Line."
(I have to say this too…Charlize already won an Oscar just a few years ago…don’t pull a Tom Hanks on us, Academy! Let someone else win it…Reese Witherspoon or Felicity Huffman, maybe?)

Supporting Actor: George Clooney, "Syriana"; Matt Dillon, "Crash"; Paul Giamatti, "Cinderella Man"; Jake Gyllenhaal, "Brokeback Mountain"; William Hurt, "A History of Violence."
(Yup…definitely torn. I mean, George Clooney is DA MAN and very hot looking, but Paul G. was totally shut out of the “Sideways” race, and he shouldn’t have been. Maybe this will be the open door for Paul…I hope so.)

5. Supporting Actress: Amy Adams, "Junebug"; Catherine Keener, "Capote"; Frances McDormand, "North Country"; Rachel Weisz, "The Constant Gardener"; Michelle Williams, "Brokeback Mountain."
(I don’t have any opinion on these folks, but it seems like Rachel Weisz has been winning the most awards thus far…granted, that doesn’t mean who should win in my opinion…it just means who more than likely will.)

6. Director: Ang Lee, "Brokeback Mountain"; Bennett Miller, "Capote"; Paul Haggis, "Crash"; George Clooney, "Good Night, and Good Luck"; Steven Spielberg, "Munich."
(See? Clooney has another possibility for winning, so if Paul Giamatti wins the Supporting Actor Oscar, George has more chances anyway, right? Right!)

7. Foreign Film: "Don't Tell," Italy; "Joyeux Noel," France; "Paradise Now," Palestine; "Sophie Scholl — The Final Days," Germany; "Tsotsi," South Africa.

8. Adapted Screenplay: Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana, "Brokeback Mountain"; Dan Futterman, "Capote"; Jeffrey Caine, "The Constant Gardener"; Josh Olson, "A History of Violence"; Tony Kushner and Eric Roth, "Munich."

9. Original Screenplay: Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco, "Crash"; George Clooney & Grant Heslov, "Good Night, and Good Luck"; Woody Allen, "Match Point"; Noah Baumbach, "The Squid and the Whale"; Stephen Gaghan, "Syriana."

10. Animated Feature Film: "Howl's Moving Castle"; "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride"; "Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit."
(OK…just to show you how out of it I am, I haven’t even seen any of the nominated CARTOONS this year, and I’m usually there. But just on the basis of what I already know, I want Wallace and Gromit to win. “OSCAR, Gromit!”)

11. Art Direction: "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," "King Kong," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "Pride & Prejudice."
(I’m surprised that “Memoirs” didn’t get more nominations, but at least from the previews, it’s a striking, beautifully photographed film. But I need to check out more of these bad boys before I can truly form an opinion.)

12. Cinematography: "Batman Begins," "Brokeback Mountain," "Good Night, and Good Luck," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "The New World."

13. Sound Mixing: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," "King Kong," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "Walk the Line," "War of the Worlds."

14. Sound Editing: "King Kong," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "War of the Worlds."

15. Original Score: "Brokeback Mountain," Gustavo Santaolalla; "The Constant Gardener," Alberto Iglesias; "Memoirs of a Geisha," John Williams; "Munich," John Williams; "Pride & Prejudice," Dario Marianelli.
(OK, John Williams has won enough! Let someone else win. Can they just remove someone’s name from the roster if they’ve won many, many times?)

16. Original Song: "In the Deep" from "Crash," Kathleen "Bird" York and Michael Becker; "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp", Paul Beauregard; "Travelin' Thru" from "Transamerica," Dolly Parton.
(Wow…only three original songs? Pretty sad. I am rooting for Dolly Parton, just because she’s Dolly, dammit!)

17. Costume: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," "Memoirs of a Geisha," "Mrs. Henderson Presents," "Pride & Prejudice," "Walk the Line."
(Well, technically, “Mrs. Henderson Presents” doesn’t use costumes so why was it nominated?)

18. Documentary Feature: "Darwin's Nightmare," "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," "March of the Penguins," "Murderball," "Street Fight."
(I saw and LOVED “March of the Penguins”, but “Murderball” has also intrigued me, especially the solid steel wheelchair gorilla basketball games they play. Damn…torn again.)

19. Documentary (short subject): "The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club," "God Sleeps in Rwanda," "The Mushroom Club," "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin.
(Two film titles ending in “Club”. Was that on purpose?)

20. Film Editing: "Cinderella Man," "The Constant Gardener," "Crash," "Munich," "Walk the Line."

21. Makeup: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," "Cinderella Man," "Star Wars: Episode III — Revenge of the Sith."

22. Animated Short Film: "Badgered," "The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation," "The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello," "9," "One Man Band."

23. Live Action Short Film: "Ausreisser (The Runaway)," "Cashback," "The Last Farm," "Our Time Is Up," "Six Shooter."

24. Visual Effects: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," "King Kong," "War of the Worlds."
___
Academy Award winners previously announced this year:
Honorary Award (Oscar statuette): Robert Altman.
The Gordon E. Sawyer award (Oscar statuette): Gary Demos.
___
On the Net:
http://www.oscar.com/

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

I’m debating about whether to stay up and watch, and maybe even provide a blog entry about my thoughts on the whole thingie. Maybe I can borrow a laptop from someone so I can do this from the safety of my own livingroom, huh? One can always hope.

And now, from the "Was this a factor when the Wright Brothers invented the airplane?" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Part of me thinks this is OK. Another part thinks that with my luck, I’ll sit next to the guy who wants to discuss his rock collection from here to Las Vegas, or the woman who wants to relive the adventure of her multiple foot surgeries. Either way, I’ll be havin’ that special feeling not unlike William Shatner in the “Terror at 20,000 Feet” episode of “The Twilight Zone”. Pass the puke bag…



Hello there...You come here often?
By Ellen Wulfhorst
2 hours, 7 minutes ago

Hoping to ease the nightmare of flying next to a crashing bore, (I’m sure there was no malicious intent in that pun, BTW) a company in New York will match like-minded passengers to help make the time fly. (Two puns in the first paragraph. Boy-oh-boy, this writer’s on a roll…)

Inspired by a flight where he found himself happily seated next to Miss Texas, company founder Peter Shankman says he set up AirTroductions to give travelers a chance to choose their seatmates. (OK…”happily seated next to Miss Texas” kind of frightens me. I mean, how did he KNOW she was Miss Texas? Was she wearing a tiara and sash? Did she introduce herself like this: ‘Howdy there! I’m Miss Texas!” And if he was “happily seated”, what exactly did THAT entail? What part of him was, in fact, happy? Was it all of him, or just various parts?)

"It is for anyone who travels who does not want to have to deal with the psychological hell of sitting 2 inches from someone you don't know for eight hours," he said. (What’s psychologically hellish about it? Apparently “ignoring” is out of the question? I can ignore someone for eight straight hours…just ask some of my former high school teachers.)

To use AirTroductions, travelers register online, listing personal details in a profile. When they post their traveling itineraries, the registry provides information on other people taking the same flights. (Well, that’s all well and good, but it’s just like online dating. What’s stopping someone from lying their ass off? I mean, it’s not monitored…you could board a flight after engaging in a shooting spree at your local Dunkin’ Donuts or something! Or someone could say they’re single when, in fact, they’re married with kids and have debt up to their eyeballs. You just never know!)

The registry is free until a user opts to contact a fellow traveler for a $5 fee. Typically, they meet in an airport, where they can arrange to sit together, Shankman said. Nearly 4,500 people have enrolled, although only about 60 have made matches since the registry kicked off last fall, he said. (I’d be inquiring long and hard about refund policies in case the “match” didn’t work. REAL LONG and REAL HARD. I don’t care if it’s $5.00. If I’m sitting next to a moron, or a male chauvinist pig, or Tom Cruise, I want my money back.)

Julia Filz said she signed up because she's a nervous flyer who wants a seatmate to distract her. "If I'm sitting next to somebody and I'm talking to them, I don't even know if we're taking off or landing," said Filz, who works in Baltimore. (Well, it sounds like she’s easily distracted…you could also take her cell phone, her IPod, and all her money too. Now THAT’D be worth the $5.00!)

Besides, she added, the system might help avoid a repeat of her worst seatmate experience -- seated beside a woman who was very drunk first thing in the morning. (Or not. They may have shot up heroin pre-flight, or taken lots of Vicodin. And again, the potential for lying is there…you can’t deny it.)

Randy Petersen, editor of InsideFlyer magazine, said he was not sure the idea would fly. Having a good seat trumps chatting with a stranger, he bets. (Now SEE!? There is someone with logic that’s quoted in this article.)

"A frequent flyer would never give up an upgrade to first class to go back and sit in coach next to someone you may want to throw out of the plane in the first hour," he said. (I know I wouldn’t. I know the one and only time I sat first class, I would have killed my own flesh and blood if they tried to take it away from me. Sorry, but true. Once you have chicken pasta salad, you can’t go back to party mix.)

And there's the question of who gets the middle seat. "I'm not sure any conversation is interesting enough to have two elbows with me," Petersen said. (Well, now, I don’t know…elbows are interesting, and easily broken too.)

While it's designed for networking, a fair share of the people registered with AirTroductions admit they're looking for dates. Some appear more promising than others. (I have a question…how does one appear promising? I mean, usually you don’t know what they’re promising unless they say it. Am I being obtuse? I hope so…it’s my job.)

One man provided his photo, with half his hair shocking pink and the other bright blue. One woman promised she "always smells nice," while another insisted that any seatmate wear full body deodorant spray. (So far, no multicolored hair or stinky people. Good start…)

A photographer said he was looking for investors, an executive said he was seeking "engaging conversations" about globalization and technology and a rabbi said he would like to "schmooze about Judaism." (You know who I’d look for? Someone who’s a narcoleptic mute. That way, they're sleeping and wouldn't be able to talk if they're awake.)

One woman from Seattle gave a description that could render her either the best -- or worst -- seatmate ever. "I'm that person whose laugh you'll hear over everyone else's: some call it infectious, others just loud," she wrote. (So she’s Arnold Horshack’s sister?)

In Petersen's view, most passengers prefer traveling alone, playing video games on laptops while tuning into music on headphones. But even the most misanthropic traveler can find happiness in AirTroductions, Shankman said. (Well, I guess it’s a paradox, isn’t it? Misanthropes going to the Internet to sign up for a service to say they hate everyone and don’t want to talk to anyone. But will they want to spend the $5.00? If not, they’re a cheap-ass misanthrope.)

The system allows passengers to note if what they really desire is a seatmate who will leave them alone, he said. (Although, in a pinch, multiple tattoos and a copy of The Satanic Bible will work nicely.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Why do human beings make things more complicated than they are? I mean, I’m not fond of being on a plane for eight hours, but do we really have to shape life to fit what we want? Most of us have experienced silence for an extended period of time either when we take tests or go to the library. What is so friggin’ hard about keeping quiet? Your head will not fall off if you do not talk to someone for an extended period of time. I guarantee this. Listen to the pretty music on the headphones, eat the stale pretzels, and just shut the hell up.

Crankily yours,
Sudiegirl

Postscript: Yet another article about AirTroductions...click HERE to read all about it. And give me your thoughts...who would your ideal seatmate be on a long flight? Mine would be...well, someone that couldn't speak any language, or else was heavily doped up and sleeping the entire time. That way the conversation factor wouldn't be present. Either that, or my precious D, who knows not to mess with me when the stewardess brings around the snacks and drinks.

And now, from "Those Scandinavians really know how to party!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez:

You know, I've heard of theme parties but this really...oh lord, hear my cry of despair as this pun escapes my lips...takes the cake.

It just goes to show ya, I really don't wanna go to Scandinavia anytime soon.

Party in Autopsy Room Shocks Norway
Fri Jan 27, 5:49 PM ET

Health authorities expressed shock and disgust Friday over reports that employees at a hospital in southern Norway threw a party in a post-mortem room and covered an autopsy table with a white cloth and candles. (Meanwhile, Martha Stewart expressed dismay that the doctors served red wine with lutevisk.)

"This is unacceptable and unheard of," Health Minister Sylvia Brustad told state broadcaster NRK. "It makes me sick." (Well, at least the guests didn't complain...see picture of guest at right.)

Management at the Fredrikstad hospital said it learned two weeks ago that employees had staged a Christmas celebration in the room where post-mortem examinations were performed. (I mis-spoke when I thought it was a birthday party...but Christmas is over, the Christian calendar says we're in Epiphany now, so just deal with it because it's MY BLOG!!!!!)












The hospital said the incident had shocked its management and employees, according to a statement from administrative director Ulf Ljungblad. (And of course, no name is as authoritative as Ulf Ljungblad. Anyway...)

The employees involved had been called in to explain themselves to their supervisors, the statement said. It was not immediately clear if they would be disciplined. (OK...they're throwing a party in the autopsy lab, and the only other witnesses are DEAD...what's to discipline? Leave it alone. These autopsy folks have to look at dead people all day long and try to figure out HOW they DIED. They need to do something to relieve stress.)

NRK said the revelers had covered the autopsy table with a white table cloth, lit candles and decked it with beer bottles. (That's pretty festive...)

The room is adjacent to the hospital's mortuary and chapel, NRK said. (Well, that's one stop shopping right there! You can either pray to God for forgiveness, or if you have a bit too much and depart this mortal coil, the attendees can determine the exact cause of death, take you to the mortuary and tie the tag on your toe for you...all in one place! What could be better?)

Fredrikstad is about 50 miles south of Oslo. (One thing...if you don't want other people throwing parties in the autopsy lab, don't give directions to the town! DUH!)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Well, maybe I need to call these folks to help me plan my reception? What do you serve with corpses, anyway?

I never thought it'd be like this...

I had visions of myself through my growing up years doing various things: singing professionally, living in New York, having men fall all over themselves because of my talent and witty conversation because I wasn't much to look at, etc...

I never thought that by this time in my life, I'd be writing a blog on a (more or less) daily basis, living in Washington DC, working as a secretary, singing with a big band that plays nursing homes, and being a "one-woman man" with someone I had been friends with for eons before anything serious even happened.

But the thing that's most surprising?

I never thought I'd be an aunt to three wonderful children like Courtney, Cameron and Chloe. And it's different being an aunt to them because I don't have kids so therefore, I focus on them. My Aunt Florence was also childless, but I remember her threatening to tie my neck into a pretzel knot if I wouldn't be quiet.

And the most surprising thing of all as far as "auntdom" is concerned? I have become the one thing that is usually reprehensible to me. I've become a human jukebox. I don't even take money...all those wee squabs have to do is feel sad, and I ask, "Do you want me to sing to you?" and the requests come flying out of their mouths.

Now, granted, the "jukebox" thing is under my terms to a degree. Courtney has decided she likes it when I sing "Tracks of My Tears" and "Heard It Through the Grapevine", so I am educating them on the wonders of Motown. Chloe's request was "Will The Circle Be Unbroken?", but she usually likes most anything.

Also, the thre kids like it when I sing "Rubber Duckie". However, they're mad because I can't audition for "American Idol"; I'm over the age limit. I told them I wouldn't do it anyway because Simon's a jerk and says mean things to people, and that's no way to nurture talent.

Why is this transformation so weird to me? You see, when I was younger and feeling my way around what I liked/didn't like to do, I would get really mad when my dad's side of the family wanted me to sing at special occasions. I felt that since they made fun of me for being overweight and my oldest male cousin relished calling me ugly, they didn't deserve much else from me. I didn't want to be a trained seal for them. I saw no purpose in singing for people that did nothing but tease me and make me feel badly about myself at an awkward stage in my life. My parents and sister didn't get it, and many fights ensued between us as a result of it. But my feelings didn't change.

When my cousin Mike passed away, I was asked to sing at his funeral. I did. I cried through all my songs, even with my dad sitting in the choir loft with me. But that faction of my family never bugged me about singing for them again. I figured they saw my pain, and they figured out that maybe they should just give it a rest for a while.

But now, for the three "C's", it's like Teresa Brewer says: "Put another nickel in..."

Your favorite redheaded human jukebox,
Sudiegirl

She doesn't get it and neither does he...

OK...I must admit I missed yesterday's episode of "Oprah". I would usually follow that statement with "I'm OK with that, really..."

But I'm not today.

In light of the recent facts, I still think Frey's book is a good read, and from what I know about addicts and other troubled folks, sometimes they make up who they are because they're not happy with who they really are, or they simply don't remember things so they make up stuff to fill in the blanks for all involved, including themselves. But I do feel badly all the same that he BS'd his way through the process. He had to have known at some point that people were going to look at his book as the truth. It was marketed as such. He went along for the ride, he cashed the checks, and he played the part.

But what he forgot was...it catches up. Maybe slowly, maybe fast, but it does get there.

What is "it"?

Life. The facts. People that you forgot were there, or weren't there.

My first boyfriend in high school was much like Frey. To use a well-worn phrase, "he didn't let the truth get in the way of a good story." And looking back, it was a bit sad because he was a nice guy and he didn't think who he was was enough. He "came from a broken home", idolized his absent father, toked up with his mother, and joined the Army to straighten himself out, but it didn't work. Not at all. So now he's 2 years shy of forty, and living a dead-end life, ignoring his only child (that we know of) and just not getting it.

But Oprah doesn't get it either.

Oprah forgot that one aspect of the addict's life; it's depicted in this joke: "How can you tell when an addict is lying? Their lips are moving."

That's the core of addiction right there. That's the 800-lb. gorilla an addict has to get off his or her back.

We've all told lies (I know I have)...from little white ones to giant purple flame breathing ones. But addicts are the geniuses of lying...until it catches up with them.

I don't know who's right or who's wrong, but I wish for both their sakes this hadn't happened.

Sudiegirl

And now, from the "Simon Sez too much" files and Yahoo! News

Sudiegirl sez: The reasons I don’t watch “American Idol” are legion. Go visit my blogger colleague Little Green Friend at “Mai Tais and Yahtzee” to read his friend’s absolutely true story about her “AI” audition. Click here to read about it. In the meantime, I’ve sharpened my fangs and am ready for some British meat (as well as other interlopers that get in my way). Roll ‘em!


GLAAD Mad at "American Idol"
By Sarah Hall
Tue Jan 24, 8:15 PM ET

American Idol has been accused of being tone deaf when it comes to tolerance. (It’s nice that they’ve diversified…they used to be tone deaf about MUSIC!)

Last week's season premiere of the talent search drew the ire of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, after both Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson made remarks that the activist group characterized as offensive. (Not cool in this day and age. It’s one thing for someone to say it in the privacy of their own home, but not on national TV!)

While snarky banter and nasty putdowns are standard form for the American Idol judges, GLAAD contends that Cowell and Jackson each crossed the line by taking aim at contestants' sexuality during the fifth-season premiere of the talent search. (I don’t know what horrifies me more…the fact that they were dumb enough to say these things or the fact that this show has had five seasons under its belt already.)

After one male contestant's performance at the Chicago auditions shown in last Tuesday's episode, Cowell snapped that he should "shave off the beard and wear a dress," because he would make a "great female impersonator." (That’s not nice at all, but could you imagine if he had the cojones to say it to an actual woman that had a facial hair problem?)


Jackson followed suit Wednesday night, asking an androgynous hopeful named Zachary Travis, "are you a girl?" After gamely laughing off the dig at his gender, Travis gave his performance of Whitney Houston's "Queen of the Night," which was, to be fair, less than impressive. (Well, something tells me the thoughtless remark didn’t help the guy’s performance very much.)



In typical fashion, Cowell deemed the rendition "atrocious" and "confused," leaving the would-be Idol in tears. Making matters worse, as Travis cried to his family on-camera after his audition, Idol producers cued up the theme to 1992's gender-bending film, The Crying Game. (Oh…I smell a defamation lawsuit! Sue, baby, SUE! I’d love to be the paralegal on this case…)


"The real offense here was in the producer's decision to add insult to injury by turning a contestant's gender expression into the butt of a joke," GLAAD Entertainment Media Director Damon Romine said in a statement. (I have to say I agree. As I said before, there’s a difference between what one says in the privacy of their own home and being personalities on a TV show, spouting off to millions of home viewers. Many people watch this show whether I like it or not, and it’s just stupid to do.)

As a result of its concerns, GLAAD contacted the network in order to discuss the group's stance on Idol. (Wonder how nice about it they were? I think I'd be packin' blunt instruments, but that's because I've got a temper of some sort. The picture on the right also has a good idea, but something tells me eating Simon Cowell would make the polar bear sick.)

"We've spoken with Fox and have entered into what we hope will be a productive, ongoing conversation about the show's representation and discussion of sexual orientation and gender expression," Romine stated Monday. (That’s a really complicated way of saying, “Shut the hell up, you guys! If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”)

Fox declined to comment on the matter. (Good call…no sense gagging on your own foot, now, is there? BTW, the "No Bozos" insignia is a tribute to Fox's thoughtful silence.)

GLAAD isn't the only activist group stepping up to call Idol out on questionable behavior. (YAY!)

Niger Innis, national spokesman for the Congress of Racial Equality (CORE), told TMZ.com that the group was concerned about Idol's treatment of people of color. (I don’t watch the show so I must admit I don’t know about it…but heck, two people of color have won it already so who knows? Unless they’re talking about the preliminary tryouts they show…I have no clue whatsoever. Since I can’t try out because I’m too OLD, I don’t give a flying fig.)

"American Idol is part of an entertainment culture that often makes blacks look like a bunch of clowns," Innis said. (Well, I personally think American Idol makes EVERYONE look like clowns, but what do I know?)

Meanwhile, the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) is upset over Cowell's persistant jabs at overweight contestants. (Nice…really nice, Simon. Remind me to put that humanitarian award statuette on backorder for you…)

"I have mixed feelings about American Idol," Peggy Howell, NAAFA'S public-relations chairperson, told TMZ.com. "We saw how far Ruben Studdard has gone because of the show. However, Simon Cowell continues to make rude remarks about overweight and obese contestants." (You know what? I’ll bet ya dollars to donuts that Simon used to be overweight himself as a kid, and it’s insecurity or something on his part. I mean, come on! Can you consistently be comfortable with saying mean things about people for this long without some psychological baggage of your own?)

Despite the controversy, Idol notched monster ratings last week, with Tuesday's episode drawing a whopping 35.5 million viewers and Wednesday's episode attracting an only slightly less impressive audience of 31.4 million. (God, human beings are lemmings without fur, I swear to god.)

The show returns Tuesday, showcasing the Greensboro, North Carolina auditions, and Wednesday, featuring the San Francisco auditions. (Skipping both of ‘em, I’m sorry to say.)

In other Idol news, a man accused of stalking season four finalist Jessica Sierra was denied bail Tuesday after a judge determined that he was a flight risk. Daniel Robert Young was arrested last week, after he flew from California to Tampa, where he was apprehended by police at the home of Sierra's grandparents. (EEEWWW…too creepy.)

Meanwhile, current contestant Derrell Brittenum joined his twin brother, Terrell, behind bars after turning himself in Friday to Georgia authorities on charges of forgery, theft by deception and financial identity fraud. (Also sad.)

Derrell spent the weekend in a Rockdale County, Georgia jail cell, before being released on a $30,000 bond. Terrell remains behind bars in Tennessee without bond. Fox has not commented on whether the brothers will be seen on future Idol episodes, though both made it through the Chicago audition.

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

First, I'm sure Peter from Australia will be reading this and asking the same question...if you don't like it, why write about it? Answer: because it makes me feel better, and because it's MY BLOG AND I'LL DO WHAT I WANT WITHIN THE REALMS OF TASTE!!!

Second, I know I'll never be on American Idol, but if I were, and Simon made comments about my appearance, I'd come sit on his lap and give him a big ol' kiss, saying "Fatness is contagious...I'm starting an epidemic." Take that!

I live to give...that's all I've got to say.

Strangeness in the world...am I the only one that sees it?

Consider the evidence for the first weirdness presentation. To the left, your typical fruity cocktails. To the right, your typical energy drink (which I stay away from because they're expensive and they taste like CRAP and there's no point in Li'l Ms. Bipolar indulging herself in such a manner...). However, upon dining at Applebees this evening with D, I find that it's "hip" to mix booze and energy drinks into an "energy cocktail". Drinkin' sure has changed since I was a young'un. I mean, am I the only one who thinks this doesn't make sense? I already commented on the atrocity committed by Anheuser Busch when they created B-to-the-E or whatever that drek was called (and oddly enough, I haven't seen that many print ads for it), but apparently the trend is still being pushed on people. Consider this scenario, dear friends, and see if you don't agree:

Your favorite bipolar redhead (or hell, anyone would do in this case) goes to Applebees with a few friends for happy hour.

(And BTW, have you ever noticed that it is always advertised as one hour, but goes for three or four?)

She decides to take of this tasty alcoholic beveage, not really knowing what a "energy drink" can do to a person. Three drinks later, she is reciting War and Peace backwards and in Russian to boot.

She leaves the bar, and a friendly policeman stops her because she's going ninety. The officer is puzzled because she tests over the legal limit for driving in the state of Maryland, yet she is vibrating and reciting the Declaration of Independence in Esperanto. The officer doesn't know whether or not to arrest her or award her an honorary degree in languages.

He decides to let her off with a warning and advises her to contact the nearest heroin dealer she can find because she REALLY NEEDS TO COME DOWN.

See what I mean?

Second exhibit for weirdness: BIG HAIR (see image at right from
www.willuck.com). I am kind of clueless when it comes to styling my hair, although I do have many of the required unguents and tools with which to do so.

On Sunday, I was bored, and had watched entirely too many Lifetime TV-movies about women in trouble, who were being sold to the black market while their teenage daughters were hanging around with the wrong crowd and their husbands were sleeping with the church secretary.

Anyway, I plugged in the hotrollers and all that, and when I was ready, I put those suckers in. First of all, I just have to say it's a pain in the neck (literally). Second, I had to switch rollers on my "bangs" a couple of times, and the rollers still drooped in the front.

But once I took them out, I underwent this strange transformation. I became a GIRL. Not just any girl, either...I looked like some washed-up Miss America wanna-be from 1964 who was now a Mary Kay saleslady in Pocatello, Idaho.

Second, my dialect kept changing - I kid you not. I kept slipping into a Southern accent (not a classy one either...more like Flo from "Alice"), or else my best Jersey squawk. I was quite frightened...and I'd taken my meds so it wasn't an imbalance of any sort. Thank God the curls and the side effects are wearing off...that's all I've got to say.

Finally, I'm tellin' tales on myself out of school (it's an expression...an OLD one), but I just have to. This is too good.

Apparently, the Ginsu knife company has been acquired by Warren "I'm Jimmy's Uncle" Buffett and Berkshire Hathaway therein. On Sunday (yes, the same Sunday I became Big Hair Barbie), I went to Safeway to pick up hairspray for my new 'do, and this obnoxious, shaved-bald guy who talked through his nose was hawking Ginsu paring knives. He was talking a mile a minute (he must have had one of those Sobe energy cocktails from Applebees) and annoying the HELL out of me. He was talking about how wonderful Ginsu knives were, and all the different features that made them the wonderful cutlery pieces they were. Blah, blah, blah.

But gentle readers, please know that I am here and able to blog instead of locked up in a jail cell in this post 9/11 age by stopping myself from asking the following question:

"How hard is it for the average forensic scientist to track DNA from the blade of a Ginsu paring knife?"

And you have to understand - that was ITCHING to pop out of my mouth. That phrase was pushing past my tongue and threatening to corrupt the years of orthodontic work my parents slaved to pay for...all because I REALLY WANTED TO BE A SMARTASS.

So thank God for my restraint, otherwise I'd be trying to write this on toilet paper with a contraband ball-point pen and wondering where I was going to store it in case I would get a surprise body cavity search.

Bye for now...

Sudiegirl

The question should really be: WHO CARES?

WHICH model-actress-whatever has some problems in the hygiene department? (Marilyn Monroe did, according to Peter Lawford...)Famous for showing flesh and flashing smiles at all the chicest parties, this downtown wild child has a certain scent about her. Snotty scenesters blame it on her foreign upbringing, but she was raised here in the city . . . I don’t know, but maybe she’s homeless? Either that, or she’s not making enough money at modeling/actressing/whatevering to afford soap or deodorant? Does she have lice too? Is she constantly scratching? Boy, what a glamorous life she leads!

WHICH aging actress who claims that her strangely youthful face has been untouched by a surgeon's scalpel practically has a house account at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon's office? . . . I dunno…ALL OF ‘EM?

WHICH A-list actress who is having trouble getting pregnant might have her mild case of anorexia to blame? Again, ALL OF ‘EM?

And now, from the "Get your perfectly manicured hands off me, ya big palooka!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: To the left is Isaac Mizrahi. On the right, Tom Waits. Separated at birth? One would tend to think so, especially after watching Francis Ford Coppola's version of "Dracula". At any rate, you know things are getting bad in Hollyweird when gay fashion designers start gropin' obviously straight female actresses. He's kind of like that weird aunt that EVERYONE has (don't deny it) who would check to see if your boobies have grown any. At any rate, he also needs to check out the concept of "boundaries" along with Christian Slater (check out the archives to see what I mean) before someone gets hurt (namely HIM). I'll do my thing, and while you read, ask yourself...Doesn't Mizrahi also look a little bit like Jeff Daniels in his star-making turn as Harry Dunn in "Dumb and Dumber"?

E! Reporter Rubs Some Celebs Wrong Way

Sat Jan 21, 8:54 PM ET

Was it playfully outrageous, or just plain offensive? Live from the red carpet at the 63rd annual Golden Globes, E! correspondent Isaac Mizrahi groped Scarlett Johansson's breast, looked down Teri Hatcher's dress, asked Eva Longoria about her pubic hair and otherwise caught celebrities off-guard. (Is that possible?)

The openly gay fashion designer didn't mean to offend anyone, E! Networks President and CEO Ted Harbert told The Associated Press on Friday. (Well, gee - he should just be completely absolved of all blame, then, shouldn't he? Please note that sarcasm is dripping all over that previous sentence.)

In fact, Mizrahi was just what the network ordered. He's already been assigned to carpet duty at the Academy Awards on March 5. (Maybe he and Joan & Melissa Rivers will get into a big-ass cat fight. I might watch if that's the case!)

"I've hired Isaac because I felt the red carpet work on television, not just on E!, had become predictable, staid and frankly boring. What I wanted is someone who would bring surprise," Harbert said. (If the word "surprise" is a synonym for "multiple civil lawsuits", then you've got your boy.)

But whether the staid Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will take kindly to a repeat of Mizrahi's Golden Globes behavior on its own red carpet is another question entirely. (Well, if they aired it on the Oscar broadcast on ABC, it might improve their ratings. Don't they usually suck?)

"I have no idea what plans E! has on Oscar night. If they're suggesting they would do something similar on our red carpet, we would have some good discussions with them," said academy spokesman John Pavlik. ("Good discussions" equals "ass-chewing the likes of which one has never seen", I think?) "I can predict we would be extraordinarily angry if that happened on our carpet. I cannot predict what we would do afterwards." (They need to give me a call...I can think of a few things.)

E! has not received any official complaints from any of the actresses involved in Mizrahi's Golden Globes appearance, and no apologies have been issued, Harbert said. (Interesting...so is it a publicity thing? Or are these babes afraid that if they complain, Isaac will have a big ol' hissy, stomp his feet and say, "I'm not making a dress for you ever again, you ungrateful sow!"?)

However, Mizrahi's comment to Charlize Theron about her Oscar-winning role as a "scary dyke with bad teeth" in 2004's "Monster" elicited a formal complaint from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. (D'oh! Not cool. Even if you think that, don't say that to the woman that won an Oscar for playing one. What, were you born in an elegantly decorated barn, Mizrahi?)

Harbert responded with a statement Thursday: "While E! Networks does not generally condone the use of that word, we are totally confident that Isaac is the last person on Earth who could be accused of even the slightest degree of homophobia." (That was a really fancy way of saying, "We are attempting to distance ourselves from this loose cannon as much as possible, but we still wish to employ him for his wacky ways so please don't hold us too responsible because you KNOW how flamboyant - well, YOU know - I don't think we need say any more at this point, now do we?")

GLAAD spokesman Damon Romine said E! agreed to edit the word out of future airings of Mizrahi's encounter with Theron. (I wonder how they're going to find a non-objectionable word that will match with "dyke" that they can throw in there instead. Spike? Kite? Trike? The list goes on...)

Mizrahi, who has his own talk show on the women-friendly cable channel Oxygen, questioned a stream of actresses on the Golden Globes carpet about everything from what they were wearing or not wearing underneath their gowns to personal grooming habits. (Oh yuck! I don't even like to talk about that crap with my MOTHER, much less with some fashion designer I don't even KNOW!!!!!)

He asked a purse-less Natalie Portman, 24, what she would do if she needed a cell phone, credit card or condom. Portman laughed. (Sudiegirl's response to that question? "Well, Ike, I'd probably just have to borrow those items from you. BTW, I need to make a call, get a blouse and go have sex. What ya got on you?")

He tugged on Hatcher's bronze halter to look for a hidden speech. "Oh my God, he touched my stomach and then he pulled down my dress!" she said. (Sudiegirl's method for deterrant? Two words - bear trap. "YOUCH!")

Mizrahi asked fellow "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria what her "hair was like down there." (Sudiegirl's response? "Probably like yours...dyed to match.")

"I'm sorry, I can't help myself," Mizrahi said, when called on his comments by co-commentators Ryan Seacrest and Giuliana DePandi. (Sudiegirl's response? "Up the meds.")

Fascinated by Johansson's skintight red Valentino dress, Mizrahi squeezed her breast twice. "What's going on!" she demanded. (Sudiegirl's response? Right hook to the jaw. Works every time.)

Johansson was too busy working on a new film to comment, said her publicist, Marcel Pariseau, and representatives of the other actresses did not returned phone or e-mail messages seeking comment by late Friday. (Now see, if they didn't care about whether this bozo that can't keep his hands to himself made them another dress, they'd be on the phone quicker than Larry the Cable Guy can find a Hooter's.)

Messages left at Mizrahi's New York office also were not immediately returned. (That must be publicity-speak for "Mizrahi's getting his bolts tightened again and won't be back until Thursday." I wanna be a publicist! I mean, throwing out vague phrases to cover up what's really going on ? That's what my entire life has been like up to this point!)

"I think he forgot he was on live television, and he talked to people as if he was in their living room, which is exactly what I wanted," explained Harbert. "As a fashion designer, he pokes and prods people's dresses every day." (Well, honey...my mother made many dresses for me, and she's the only one that is allowed to poke me and say half the disgusting things this guy said. And I would still yell at her if she went too far! I mean, the actresses should just simply say, "That's inappropriate", deck him one, and sue the bastard. Sorry! I guess that's why I'm not a celebrity...my dad taught me how to punch and my mom taught me how to yell. I'm a double threat.)

So let's ask these two (in)famous leches from Hollyweird what they think...

Beetlejuice sez: "Who the hell is this Mizrahi guy? He's stealin' my bit!"

Tyrone (with his main squeeze, Gladys) sez: "As you can see, sometimes public groping and lewd remarks don't pay off...OOOWWWW..." (tragically, the interview was cut short when Gladys whacked Tyrone with her alligator bag.)

So folks, think of me when you watch the Oscars and ask yourself, "Would Sudiegirl punch this guy, kick him or smile sweetly and call her lawyer?"

Litigiously yours,

Sudiegirl

Ever have one of those lives?

Sorry I haven't written in here for so long (only a couple days, but still...). I've just been down in the dumps and not feeling like I have much to say these days. I am working hard to get over my slump, but even the goofy-ass news items aren't bringing a smirk to my freckled puss. I don't know why, they're just not. I spent most of today either sleeping or watching TV (both productive activities...yeah right), but I know I can't do that forever. But thoughts still float around my head. Memories do too. Here are some...

1. My grandparents (on my dad's side) really enjoyed having "Dear Abby" read to them as much as possible. One day when I was over there visiting, I read them Dear Abby, and the letter was from someone who didn't know how to break the news of their homosexuality to their parents. (Nothing like a loaded topic, is there?)
Anyway, my grandpa proclaimed, "Well, they never had homosexuals when I was a kid." I told him, "Yes, they probably did, but they were tarred and feathered, then run out of town on a rail." Then they both asked me, "Well, how does homosexuality WORK?" Now, I took sex ed., and I probably could have explained it to them so they had a rudimentary understanding of the whole process but I simply said, "Why don't you ask Ruth the next time she's here? She's a nurse...she can explain it a lot better than I ever could." I don't know if they ever did, but I do know that I got out of that one faster than I thought I would. Those magic words - "She's a nurse" always worked on Grandma and Grandpa.

2. I think I inherited my love of electronic gizmos from my dad, but unlike my dad, I could accurately pronounce most of the name brands out there. I remember, when I was a senior in high school, we were drug kicking and screaming into the 20th century by the purchase of a microwave oven and a VCR, both within the same six month period. I'm not sure what got into Mom and Dad, but there you go. Anyway, Dad was so proud of himself because he picked out a VCR all by himself, and he picked me up from my boyfriend's house to tell me so. I remember that night well.

"Well, you thought I couldn't do it, but I did it...I bought a VCR." Dad said, his chest swelling with consumer's pride.

Me, being the smart-ass teenager I am, said, "No, I never said you COULDN'T DO IT, it was that you WOULDN'T DO IT."

"Well," he said, "it doesn't matter because I did it."

"OK...what kind is it?" I asked.

"Well, it's top of the line. It's Japanese," he said, as if that should just close the book. (Nope...)

"What BRAND is it, Daddy?" I asked. I wasn't giving up on this one easily. "Is it a Sony? Panasonic? What?"

He had an imperious look on his face and said, "It's an EKU."

I must have looked puzzled. "A what?" I asked. He had me...but then it dawned on me.

"Daddy, how's the brand name spelled?" I asked.

"A-K-A-I," he chuckled, with a superior tone.

My face must have contorted or I rolled my eyes as a typical teenager does. "DAD," I retorted, drawing out the second syllable as only a teenager can, "It's pronounced A-KAI."

"Oh," he said. "Well, it's still top of the line."

And it was. However, it doesn't matter if it's made out of platinum with a diamond remote if the whole concept of preserving programs on videotape is lost on someone.

Dad (as an example) used to tape a movie in the middle of it. If he was flipping channels and came to a movie that had already started, he'd just start taping from that point. It was an unusual practice, and I questioned him about it one day.

"Daddy, " I asked sweetly, "why are you taping a movie starting from the middle?"

"Well, you never know when it's going to be on again, and then I can tape it from the beginning." He obviously was confusing the videotaping process with the "going to a movie in a small town where the theatre manager knows you" process, where you can basically stay in the second show and watch what you missed. You can't do that when taping.

"Dad, where are you going to put it on the tape? You can't just shove it over...it'll be out of sync," I advised. Perfectly reasonable advising, I thought...but he didn't.

"Well, if I know where it starts, what does it matter?" he replied.

I rolled my eyes again (I did that a lot as a teenager, didn't I?) and left him to his own devices.

3. Also, when I was growing up, I had a lot of cousins around. I was in-between...all my cousins and my sister were older than me, except for Jim. Jim was four years younger than me, and the other cousins that were younger than me were actually my cousins' children. So it was weird. I wasn't old enough to hang with my older cousins, but I didn't want to hang with the "babies" either. But as time went on, I was perfectly content to sit at the kids' table because that meant I didn't have to sit with the grownups and their same old boring stories. The younger cousins and I did our own thing as we got older. It was me, Jim, Mike, Tim, Andy, Kristie, Penni, Nick, Tom, and Travis. Interesting stuff. Usually, we'd sit and make fun of the "grownups" and they didn't know it, and then we'd go up to Jim's room afterward and lie around recovering from the turkey tryptophin buzz. This even went on after I got married to the first husband. That first "married Thanksgiving", my cousin Tom said to us, "You can come in here and sit if you want to, Sue." I said, "Nah, that's OK. We're fine." I don't know if he figured out that it was too late and I had found my niche or what. We weren't doing anything mysterious, but I don't think the "grownups" got it...we didn't HAVE to DO anything. We just WERE. Out of all the family fussing and me moving away, I miss my cousins the most. I keep in touch with Kristie and we talk at least once a week, but I miss all my younger cousins very much.

So there you have it...reminiscences from my youth. Chew on that, folks...

Some final thoughts for a Thursday...

Philip Seymour Hoffman...Golden Globe winner for Best Actor in a Dramatic Film, and another member of Sudiegirl's "Unlikely Sexy Guys" pantheon. He's furry, cuddly, and very very versatile. Yeah, he's married...yeah, he has a child...gimme a break! I can dream, can't I? I really want him to win the Oscar this year...even though I haven't seen "Capote" yet. I just want him to win because he's so CUTE and CUDDLY!!!!! (OH GOD...I'm nauseating myself with this hyperbole. Let's move on...)



On the right...Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix. Reese supposedly made a "faux pas" regarding her Chanel dress; it seems that Kirsten Dunst wore it three years ago. OK...I've discussed this in one of my first entries for August '04...what is the big f'ing deal about wearing the same dress as someone else? I mean, come on! I realize that it's not like shopping at Sears or Dress Barn, but really, there's more to life than that. The sooner movie stars realize that, the less therapy they'll need. And BTW, is it just me, or does Joaquin look like he's been on a three-day bender? Maybe it was a tad stuffy in the auditorium and he was just getting comfortable...who cares? I would also like him to win the Academy Award, but I want Philip Seymour Hoffman to win it more. Call me crazy...everyone else does.

Rest in peace, Wilson Pickett...

And finally, the finger in Wendy's chili case has been resolved. I actually feel badly for the Wendy's restaurant chain about this...two greedy f*****s go so far as to find a severed finger and place it in chili, then blame the restaurant. I've never had problems with Wendy's food, and I've always thought they were one of the better fast food chains out there. So way to go, American judicial system!

That's all I got...talk at ya later...

Another ATTABOY! Real men knit one and purl two!

Sudiegirl says: ATTABOY, guys! This is so cool…anyone who laughs at this needs to remember just four words:


Rosey Grier does needlepoint.







Are you going to laugh at him?

I think not. So one more time, ATTABOYS!

A manly yarn..
By Sharon Reich
Thu Jan 19, 9:14 AM ET

If you're stuck for entertainment in New York on a Friday night, and as long as you're man enough, try learning to rib at "Boyz Nite" at a Greenwich Village venue from 9 until late.

That's rib as in knitting the cuff of your sweater.

Knit New York, a wool and craft store in Lower Manhattan, is fighting the stereotype that knitting is the province of women. "Are you strong enough to knit and man enough to purl?" says an advertisement for Boyz Nite on the shop's Web site.

The store draws dozens of men to its weekly men's night where beginners and experts gather to exchange tips over beer and hot dogs.

"Believe me, we love women," said store manager Josh Bennett. "But it's like when guys get together to watch a football game, they have all that in common so there's that sense of excitement. After a long week, you can come and work on your project have a couple of beers and hang out."

"Do you know how to rib?" he asks a group of learners on a recent Friday evening. "Go ahead and knit the first two stitches, you always want to give it a nice tug," he says.
"Now when you purl, what's the most important thing? That your yarn's in front. You want to go right between the legs," he says, drawing the yarn between the two knitting needles.

A cosmetics salesman from a nearby store was offering samples of avocado moisturizer along with skin care tips, and conversation ranged from knitting triumphs to dating disasters.

But Bennett said Boyz Nite was not a singles night for gay men. "It's not a dating thing at all," he said, adding that plenty of heterosexual men were keen knitters. "I haven't met anybody. I don't mix work and dating."

"A lot of boyfriends will schedule a classes for themselves and their girlfriends on their first date," Bennett said. "And I made a bikini pattern for a guy who wanted to knit a bikini for his girlfriend."

Bennett said his grandmother taught him to knit when he was a child but he stopped for years "because boys don't knit."

MAN ENOUGH TO PURL?
A sign on the street outside invites passersby to come in and bring their own beer: "Boyz Nite. 9 pm - ?? BYOB."

Seasoned knitter Bryan Bridges has no hang-ups about men who knit, describing with pride an Afghan that he made for his nephew. "He drags it around everywhere now," he said.

Bridges says he knits to relax. "I've tried meditation and it feels like I'm wasting my time. This is meditative and relaxing but I produce something out of it."

Michael Rasmussen, an Internet marketer, confessed his mother and grandmother had laughed when he told them about his new hobby. "Neither one of them can knit so I think it kind of impresses them," he said.

Christian Sumner, a photographer who was starting work on a pale purple scarf, said knitting relieved the stress of life in New York. "I like to knit, I like beer and I eat hot dogs a lot anyway," he said.

Sumner, who has family in Florida, said: "My mom and dad were skeptical at first but they saw the first scarf that I made and they were kind of into it," he said. "Everybody in Florida is getting a scarf next year. They're all getting scarfs and mittens."

****So one more time, peoples...ATTABOYS!

Purl out!
Sudiegirl

And now, from the "I'm going to blame mis-spelled words on my pencil" files and Yahoo! News

Sudiegirl sez: Ya know, when I first saw this, it made me think of a Larry the Cable Guy gag (paraphrased because my memory is like a sieve.)…”If someone can sue McDonald’s because their coffee is hot, I’ll sue Hustler for giving me carpal tunnel syndrome.” Truer words hath never been spoken…so I’ll do my thing and you do yours. Roll ‘em!

Nickelodeon, Kellogg Targets of Lawsuit
By LIBBY QUAID, AP Food and Farm Writer
Wed Jan 18, 5:30 PM ET

Advocacy groups and parents are suing the Nickelodeon TV network and cereal maker Kellogg Co. in an effort to stop junk food marketing to kids. (And this has been going on for HOW many years now? Yada yada yada.)

The plaintiffs are citing a recent report documenting the influence of marketing on what children eat. Ads aimed at kids are mostly for high-calorie, low-nutrition food and drinks, according to the government-chartered Institute of Medicine. (And this is SUDDENLY a new phenomenon, huh? My God…apparently whoever is spear-heading this study also just found out that humans breathe air, space travel is now a reality, and grass is green – except in my yard, where it’s brown.)

Wakefield, Mass., mother Sherri Carlson said she tries her best to get her three kids to eat healthy foods. (I don’t doubt that…if you don’t feed ‘em, someone takes ‘em away after a while.)

"But then they turn on Nickelodeon and see all those enticing junk-food ads," Carlson said. "Adding insult to injury, we enter the grocery store and see our beloved Nick characters plastered on all those junky snacks and cereals." (It ain’t just Nick, my friend…it’s Shrek, Scooby Doo, and other characters from TV and movies. Hell, even Sesame Street gets in on it! Why pick on just one entity? That’s half of children’s TV success – MARKETING!!!!)

Carlson and another plaintiff, Andrew Leong of Brookline, Mass., spoke at a news conference organized by the Center for Science in the Public Interest and the Boston-based Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. (Uh-huh. You know the last time there was a commercial-free childhood? I think around the same time Columbus sailed in the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. It’s a part of life. )

They intend to sue Kellogg and Nickelodeon parent Viacom Inc. in state court in Massachusetts and served the required 30 days' notice on Wednesday. (How nice for them that they’re prompt! Too bad it won’t do them any good.)

"For over 30 years, public health advocates have urged companies to stop marketing junk food to children," said Susan Linn of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. "Even as rates of childhood obesity have soared, neither Viacom nor Kellogg has listened." (OK, you’re officially annoying me, Ms. Linn. Kellogg and Viacom have a heck of a lot more going on than worrying about your little lawsuit. They have salaries and employees to pay, health codes to meet, etc. Get off it, buy your kids some Cheerios and ration the sugar. You can only control so much.)

Both companies said they have enduring commitments to healthy lifestyles. (I don’t doubt it, really…)

Nickelodeon spokesman Dan Martinsen said the kids' cable network has been a leader in helping kids and their families be more active and healthier and has pushed advertisers for more balance in their offerings. (I don’t doubt that either…Nickelodeon is very influencial on kids. Even if families don’t have cable, their kids still know all the Nick characters from movies and other things. It’s amazing.)

Kellogg spokeswoman Jill Saletta said the company is proud of its contributions to healthy diets and will keep educating people about good nutrition and exercise. (They’ve always done that…I remember the PSAs from when I was a child!)

A food industry-backed group defended the companies, saying the lawsuit assumes that parents can't turn off televisions, have no control over the food they buy and can't make their kids go outside to play. (THANK YOU! My point exactly. It’s a hell of a lot easier to blame companies than actually say “No” to your child, isn’t it?)

"Going out on a limb here, perhaps her (Carlson's) kids want these foods not because of ads, but because they're children," said Dan Mindus, spokesman for the Center for Consumer Freedom. (I’d have to agree with Mr. Mindus. I mean, there are very few children out there I know that turn down sweets or junk food. Even if their parents live an organic, junk food free lifestyle, the kids have friends or relatives that don’t, so they partake, they find it’s something they like, and then bug their parents for it. You might as well just drop a nuclear bomb on the whole earth because that’s the only way it’s going to stop!)

The lawsuit seeks to stop the companies from marketing junk food when 15 percent or more of the audience is 8 years old or younger. It targets not only commercials but Web sites, toy giveaways, contests and other marketing aimed at that age group. (OK, so I guess the Playboy channel is safe…)

CSPI said it had analyzed food advertising on Nickelodeon and during Saturday-morning TV shows as well as in magazines and food packages. The majority of the food ads involving both companies were for nutrition-poor foods, CSPI said. (It’s amazing how much you find when you’re subjective, huh?
___
On the Net:
Center for Science in the Public Interest: http://www.cspinet.org
Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood: http://www.commercialfreechildhood.org/
Nickelodeon: http://www.nick.com
Kellogg: http://www.kellogg.com/

Sudiegirl’s final word?

It’s OK to say no to your kids, folks. I don’t think they’ll turn into snipers hiding out in bell towers ready to pick off every third person wearing a hat just because you told them they couldn’t have something they wanted. Life's kind of like that sometimes, and if you try to shape the world to fit you, you'll be highly disappointed.

Yours on a sugar high,
Sudiegirl

Fractured headlines and a sad aside...

Haven’t done this in a while; hope I haven’t lost my touch. (BTW, to get to the actual article, just click on the headline - it's in a different color, so you'll know which is which.)





United heads into bankruptcy proceedings
(How would united heads arrive? Would they roll in or are they carried in a basket or a cooler?)

Study finds that marriage builds wealth
(Yeah, and divorce lawyers take it away if you don’t sign a pre-nup!)








Transplant doctor reveals tissue rejection
(The doctor was quoted as saying, “We’re just too different, but we’ll always be friends.”)








1970’s Teen Idol Leif Garrett Arrested
(Gee, and for a while there, Leif Garrett couldn’t even GET arrested.)







_____________________________________________________________
Well, life is plodding along. I’m dreading my upcoming birthday (and NO, I will not tell you all when it is because bad things happen on my birthday, as in PEOPLE DIE! So don’t ask me when my birthday is…the life you save may be your own.

I had a nice long conversation with my niece Courtney last night…she really is a great kid. Her brother and sister are wonderful too, but they don’t do phone conversations that much yet. Apparently, an old video from the twins’ first birthday party was unearthed, and Court said that “my worthless boyfriend” (the young ‘un) was in the video. Sigh…I did tell her that he was kind of worthless, but he was always good to her and her siblings so I kept him around for a LONG time. Probably longer than I should’ve…ANYWAY…she said that my sister got kind of misty at some of the video because Dad was on it, and Court and I agreed that things aren’t the same without John Grandpa.

God, I miss my dad. I know you all are sick of hearing it, but I really do miss him. You never know how much someone means to you until they’re gone, you know?

I’d better go before I cry all over the keyboard and short it out.

Sudiegirl the sad

And now, from the "If a cannibal has leftovers, does he put them in a people bag? or 'Ich Bin Ein Cannibal' " files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Yes, I’ve seen all three Hannibal Lecter movies. Yes, I know about Ed Gein. I’ve told my share of Jeffrey Dahmer jokes and Donner Party jokes. But still, you’re never really prepared when it happens, no matter how many jokes you tell or how many movies you see. Unfortunately, this guy isn’t taking requests of who I’d like him to eat…I’ve got a big list, I tells ya!

Cannibal draws unusual distinction…
By Bernhard Winkler
Tue Jan 17, 9:01 AM ET
A German cannibal who killed a man who wanted to be eaten told a court Monday that he had only been carrying out his victim's wishes and had not expressly sought to kill him. (I guess it’s just what happens when one is cut into tiny pieces and stuffed in a Crock Pot, huh?)

"I wanted to eat him, but I didn't want to kill him," Armin Meiwes, 44, told judges in three hours of testimony at his retrial. (So apparently he’s part snake…he likes his food live? I’ve heard many a story about snake owners making their pet’s food “move” when the food cannot do so on its own. Not sure what would work in this situation…)

Meiwes was sentenced in January 2004 to 8-1/2 years for manslaughter, but the Supreme Court ruled last April that the judges had been too lenient and ordered a retrial. (Personally, I would have left the sucker alone in case he got a taste for judicial meat, know what I mean?)

He had admitted killing Berlin-based computer specialist Bernd-Juergen Brandes, 43, but was spared a murder conviction and a possible life sentence because the victim had demanded to be eaten. (Uh-huh. So basically, this guy is just a misunderstood cannibal, no matter how weird that sounds. Something tells me there’s not a group therapy session that applies to him, but maybe I’m just being narrow-minded.)

Meiwes told the court, repeating much of his testimony from his first trial, that he had severed Brandes's penis at his request and that both had tried to eat it, without success. (Whoa NELLIE! I thought, since they were German, they’d just cover it with mustard and sauerkraut, then eat it like a bratwurst. What was the problem, I wonder quietly to myself while trying to fight back nausea?)

Brandes steadily lost more blood and finally dropped unconscious, at which point Meiwes said he decided to pray. (I guess that’s the last thing I would’ve expected, but then again, I DON’T EAT PEOPLE on a regular basis – that is, unless I’m asked nicely and given jewelry, and I get to pick the people…namely male.)

"I didn't know whether I should pray to the devil or to God," said Meiwes, who appeared relaxed and eager to tell his version of events. (Gee…that is also a conundrum. How about Betty Crocker for a start?)

Believing his victim to be dead, he said, he plunged a knife into his neck. Only when he later saw his videotape of the crime did he realize that Brandes had still been faintly breathing. (What is the German equivalent of “D’oh”? “Ach du lieber”?)

Meiwes's legal team has argued the defendant merely acceded to Brandes's wishes and that his crime was only "killing on request," a form of illegal euthanasia that carries a maximum five-year sentence. (Well, come on now. It’s one thing if Dr. Kevorkian does it, and quite another when some layperson does it while wearing a bib that says “Come and Get It” in German. This is definitely one of those “letter of the law” vs. “essence of the law” things.)

Prosecutors, hoping to secure a murder conviction, need to show that Meiwes killed Brandes not only because the latter had wanted to be eaten, but also due to a base desire of his own. (Do the words “misunderstood” and “cannibal” go together? Something tells me “no”…)

Germany's top criminal court said the first trial court had ignored the fact that Meiwes had filmed the slaying for later sexual gratification. (OK…what happened to the days when perversion was simple? ICK! ICK ICK ICK!)

Psychiatrists have found Meiwes deeply disturbed but sane. (OK…is it possible to be both? I’m not sure.)

Meiwes's lawyers told the court last week that he had earlier released four other potential victims who had changed their minds at the last minute and initially driven Brandes homeward after the victim appeared to lose his nerve. (He either lost his nerve or couldn’t find the steak sauce…one of the two.)

Meiwes, who met Brandes via the Internet, said he had been in contact with over 400 people who claimed they wanted to be slaughtered, although the vast majority were not prepared to fulfill their supposed fantasy. (Ya know why? BECAUSE IT HURTS!!!!! DUH! I mean, the only way I’d do it is if I were doped up to the gills, and even then I’d be like, “Let me think it over.”)

Of the handful of men he met, Meiwes said, only Brandes had been a truly willing victim. (Gee. That’s nice. Pass the sickie-bag, please.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

My face is turning inside out upon itself as I type this…this is just too weird. Still, weirdness is what I thrive on, so in it goes.

Something tells me the salad bar sounds more appealing today, but I don’t know if the crunch of a carrot is equal to its screams of death, so maybe I’ll just have some Ding Dongs instead.

Bye!

And now, from the "Hide your shillelaghs, boy-ohs, we're busted!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Well, faith and begorrah! Apparently, they found the most fertile snake in Ireland, don't ya know? Don't know if that means inbreedin' or other unfortunate circumstances such as that, but as sure as yer born, we're gonna find out. Oh, the saints be praised! (OK, the dialect is a little hard to maintain...sorry 'bout that, folks. Let's just get on with it, shall we?)


Scientists discover most fertile Irish male
(and it's not TED KENNEDY!)

By Siobhan Kennedy
2 hours, 40 minutes ago

Scientists in Ireland may have found the country's most fertile male, with more than 3 million men worldwide among his offspring. (Note to self: pack plenty of birth control when traveling to Ireland.)

The scientists, from Trinity College Dublin, have discovered that as many as one in twelve Irish men could be descended from Niall of the Nine Hostages, a 5th-century warlord who was head of the most powerful dynasty in ancient Ireland. (Pardon me for asking this question, but doesn't that then mean that inbreeding is right around the corner? It certainly seems like a logical chain of events. Yep, DEFINITELY PACK birth control, plus pictures of Carol Channing to further deflate the mood.)

His genetic legacy is almost as impressive as Genghis Khan, the Mongol emperor who conquered most of Asia in the 13th century and has nearly 16 million descendants, said Dan Bradley, who supervised the research. (Trivia note: John Wayne once played Genghis Khan in a film about Marco Polo in the late '30's. Not one of his more successful ventures. But does that mean that Chaka Khan is related to Genghis Khan? I've always wondered that...)

"It's another link between profligacy and power," Bradley told Reuters. "We're the first generation on the planet where if you're successful you don't (always) have more children."
The research was carried out by PhD student Laoise Moore, at the Smurfit Institute of Genetics at Trinity. Moore, testing the Y chromosome which is passed on from fathers to sons, examined DNA samples from 800 males across Ireland. (Interesting...although I don't know if I trust data from an institute that's named after little blue creatures that are three apples tall and originating from Belgium.)

The results -- which have been published in the American Journal of Human Genetics -- showed the highest concentration of related males in northwest Ireland, where one in five males had the same Y chromosome. (Note to self if in Ireland: DON'T GO NORTHWEST! FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T GO NORTHWEST!)

Bradley said the results reminded the team of a similar study in central Asia, where scientists found 8 percent of men with the same Y chromosome. Subsequent studies found they shared the same chromosome as the dynasty linked to Genghis Khan. (OK, now I'm confused...does that mean they're also related to Genghis Khan? What about Chaka Khan? What about Khan from "Star Trek"? Also, if you divorced Genghis Khan, would that make you an "ex-Khan"? Oh boy...I could go on like this all DAY!)

GENGHIS KHAN EFFECT
"It made us wonder if there could be some sort of Genghis Khan effect in Ireland and the best candidate for it was Niall," Bradley said. (Oh boy...not sure what to say there...)

His team then consulted with genealogical experts who provided them with a contemporary list of people with surnames that are genealogically linked to the last known relative of the "Ui Neill" dynasty, which literally means descendants of Niall. (Christmas shopping must be a bitch, huh?)

The results showed the new group had the same chromosome as those in the original sample, proving a link between them and the Niall descendents. (So then does that mean, if they keep it up, future generations will be a little touched and have three noses and four ears?)

"The frequency (of the Y chromosome) was significantly higher in that genealogical group than any other group we tested," said Bradley, whose surname is also linked to the medieval warlord. Other modern surnames tracing their ancestry to Niall include Gallagher, Boyle, O'Donnell and O'Doherty. (Whew...no Dawsons or Hegstroms in there...sigh of relief.)

For added proof, the scientists used special techniques to age the Y chromosome, according to how many mutations had occurred in the genetic material over time. The number of mutations was found to be in accordance with chromosomes that would date back to the last known living relative of Niall. (If it was a female, I'll bet you dollars to donuts she was exhausted. Giving birth to all those squabs would wear a person out.)

Niall reportedly had 12 sons, many of whom became powerful Irish kings themselves. But because he lived in the 5th century, there have been doubts the king -- who is said to have brought the country's patron saint, Patrick, to Ireland -- even existed. (Well, of course he existed? Why else would people drink green beer? If the guy didn't exist, all the green pee released over time is for naught!)

"Before I would have said that characters like Niall were almost mythological, like King Arthur, but this actually puts flesh on the bones," Bradley said. (But the flesh would be a tad ripe, wouldn't it?)

When international databases were checked, the chromosome also turned up in roughly 2 percent of all male New Yorkers. (Note to self: ALSO PACK BIRTH CONTROL FOR NYC.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

I think the Irish Rovers say it best...sing it, boys...

"We got green turtleneck sweaters
an' instruments...
we just found out
we're very fertile gents!

So hide yer wives and daughters,
as sure as yer born,
or else they're gonna ride my unicorn!"

(If you need a definition of "unicorn", just let me know and I'll happily forward you to Three Boobs on a Chest for further edification.)

(Note to all offended parties...it's HUMOR, folks...if you don't think it's funny, just move along. I promise I won't be angry...)

And now, from the "No wonder he moved to Bahrain; McDonald's won't even touch his application" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: OK...I can't think of anyone less equipped for the modern world of employment than Michael Jackson. Between his "rap sheet" (BTW, even though he wasn't convicted of the charges, wouldn't you think explanations would be in order, even on an international basis?)...

not to mention his "casual Friday" wardrobe (see right...if he worked in DC, he'd set off all the metal detectors in the building where I work)...








he's kind of - well, ya know - not really ready to be a working stiff like the rest of us. So apparently, employment standards are different in Bahrain. Different as in, "They're non-existent." So sit back, relax, and I'll do my thing...


Michael Jackson Seeks Job in Bahrain

By LARA SUKHTIAN, Associated Press Writer
43 minutes ago

Michael Jackson seems to be settling in to the Persian Gulf. He has shopped for real estate here, been spotted in glitzy malls — and now it appears that Jackson is interviewing for a job. (Well, apparently he's figured out that he won't get a job busing tables at IHOP given his escapades.)

The singer, his reputation in tatters at home after winning a grueling molestation trial in California last year, is negotiating a position as a consultant with a Bahrain-based company that plans to set up theme parks and music academies in the Middle East, according to a press release. (Well, I guess he would know his way around a theme park; just don't let him be there when kids are present and we should be OK.)

AAJ Holdings Ltd., owned by Bahraini businessman Ahmed Abu Bakr Janahi, said it wanted to hire the 47-year-old Jackson to give advice on setting up entertainment businesses. (Is anyone as shocked as I am that MJ is 3 years shy of 50? AAAAGGGHHHH! That makes me feel OLD.)

AAJ, which focuses mainly on urban development projects, played a key role in designing Bahrain's ongoing Financial Harbor development and Oman's Blue City, a multibillion-dollar tourist resort with golf courses, hotels, and several dozen kilometers (miles) of sandy beaches. (I guess "resort" and "Middle East" are things I'll have to get used to as far as being matched together...but it will take a while.)

According to the statement, Janahi believes Jackson could play an important role in the company. (But what that role is...that's what I wonder. I mean, it's not like he built Neverland from the ground up with his bare hands. He hired people to do it and paid for it from his earnings through the years. He may know who to call, but he may not know who does good work nowadays and who doesn't. I'm not sure the thinking is sound, you know?)

"Stagnant architectural structures need content in the form of entertainment to revive them and that's where Michael Jackson will play an integral role," the statement said. (OK, so next thing you know, he'll be staging "Auntie Mame" in an ancient mosque? With himself in the lead?)

Jackson's publicist, Raymone K. Bain, could not be reached for comment Monday. (If I were Michael Jackson's publicist, I'd take a job at Safeway instead. Either that, or planting land mines...seems less stressful, you know what I mean?)

Jackson is reported to be in the midst of building a home in Bahrain, an island nation in the Persian Gulf linked to Saudi Arabia by a bridge. (Let's just hope that after MJ moves in, it's not the "Bridge Over Troubled Water". Sorry, lame music joke...let's just go on...)

In his last known visit to Dubai in November, Jackson was seen checking out some of the world's priciest real estate developments. His host at the time, Emirates champion rally driver Mohammed bin Sulayem, said Jackson was considering buying property here. (The reporter forgot to mention that the land was for an EXTRATERRESTRIAL LANDING STRIP! At least, that's what CNN said...)

News reports out of Manama, the Bahraini capital, have quoted Jackson's publicist as saying the pop star is in the process of finalizing his Hurricane Katrina relief song, which will be released on Bahraini label 2 Seas Records. (Something tells me I'll be skipping that release. Sorry, folks...I did the concert in November...don't want to touch MJ's project with a 10-foot (or 10 kilometer) pole.)

The label belongs to Sheik Abdullah bin Hamad Al Khalifa, a regional governor and the Bahraini king's son, who is reportedly spearheading the project. (Nepotism - the cornerstone of a solid career.)

Recording artists Keisha Cole, Ciara, Snoop Dogg, Babyface and R Kelly are among those taking part in the song, "I Have This Dream," reports stated. (Sorry...I'm still skippin' it.)

Since his June acquittal on child molestation charges, Jackson has made several trips to Bahrain as a guest of Al Khalifa. (Let's just hope this guy has no boys that Michael may want to "nurture"...)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

I think this last photo speaks for itself...

Peace out, y'all!

Sudiegirl

A Sudiegirl reminiscence involving Martin Luther King, my nephew, and my dad...

Happy MLK Jr's birthday, everyone!

When I was a kid growing up in small-town Iowa in the '70's, we didn't touch on black history until maybe the 6th grade. At that time, I did a presentation on Eldridge Cleaver.

They are a lot more thorough now, thank goodness, but I have a story to share regarding black history, MLK, my nephew and my dad.

First of all, let me describe my dad's appearance to you. Through years of working in the sun (yardwork, farming, Post Office stuff, etc.), my dad developed a medium to dark tan on his face, hands and upper arms. He rarely if ever worked with his shirt off, so if you're just taking a brief look at him, you'd think he was dark all over. Apparently, that's what my nephew thought.

My nephew came home from school one day when they were working on the black history unit in his class and told my sister (his mom) , "John-Grandpa should be grateful to Martin Luther King and all he did for the brown people."

Ruthi was confused by this, and said, "What do you mean?" She knew that Dad wasn't racist, and that he recognized MLK as a very important leader. So what could this kid be talking about?

Cameron then explained that since John-Grandpa was one of the "brown people", MLK did a lot to make sure that he could do everything white people could do and not be separated just because he was brown, and therefore John-Grandpa should be thankful.

Ruth asked, "So, you think John-Grandpa is brown like your cousin Christopher?" (Cameron has a cousin on his dad's side that is mixed-race.)

Cameron said, "Yeah, and you know what? It must have been very hard for him and Grandma Mary to go together because they couldn't go anywhere together, not even CHURCH!"

Ruthi (in her usual, very good and thorough way) then explained that John Grandpa wasn't brown like Christpher, but tan from years of outside work. She also said that we should all be grateful for what Martin Luther King did for civil rights. Everyone in this country has benefited from MLK's wisdom and sacrifice, right down to a little boy in Iowa who learned more at his age than his mother or myself about Martin Luther King.

So happy birthday, MLK, and thank you for living a fearless life so we all can learn about you and others like you without fear, and with thankfulness.

Happy day before Martin Luther King's Birthday...

(Image of Bugs Bunny on an Indian cycle is from http://www.bikemenu.com. Sweet, no?)

Sorry I've been so delinquent in writing in here...I just haven't been as motivated as I should. Mood stuff, weather, whatever...but I'm here and writing now so just deal with it.

BTW, I made some family members angry by writing petty things in here, and for those actions alone I am sorry. That doesn't change my opinion about y'all or what you did through the years, just the manner in how I portray myself in regards to you and my feelings towards you. So that's enough of that editorial comment.

Anyway...what else have I to share?

Hmmm...I am sad that Shelley Winters passed away. She was one of the patron saints of brassy broads like myself. She had good taste in men (many lookers in her past...read both her biographies to see what I mean), and she was true to her beliefs and wasn't shy about voicing them. And she stayed pretty active in the Hollywood game until her health no longer held out. Plus, she started out as a good Midwestern girl (St. Louis, MO is her town of birth, I believe) so what more could you ask for in this world?

I regret that I didn't get to watch this week's installation of "The Book of Daniel", but my ex mother-in-law informed me that it was a corker. I did see in the news where the NBC affiliate in Nashville has also pulled it from their lineup. The subject matter probably competes with too many country and western songs. Oh well...

And the poor ol' Redskins didn't make it through the playoffs. I'm kind of bummed about that...I've never lived in a big city that's in the throes of their home team making it to the Super Bowl. Being 6 hours away from Chicago in 1986 when they made it to the Superbowl is the closest I've gotten, and in a moment of insanity I bought the "Super Bowl Shuffle" single. I even remember the words:
We are the Bears' shuff'lin crew,
shuff'lin on down, doin' it for you,
we're so bad we know we're good...
blowin' your minds like you knew we would.
We're not here to cause no scuffle,
we're just here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle."

How sad is that? I can't remember where my car keys are but I remember that stupid song. Thank God they won.

And on that note, happy MLK B-Day (early)...

Sudiegirl

My philosophy on a t-shirt (or hoodie)...

Oh yeah...life is indeed interesting when every t-shirt I find hilarious is all on one site. If you click on the title of this post, it takes you to the site itself...here are some samples.

And now, from "What soft hands this criminal has!" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: I don’t know why, but this makes me think of the scenario in “Mallrats” when Jason Lee does disgusting things, then shakes his enemy’s hand…another thing that makes you go EEEWWWW. I’ll do what I do…

Mich. Man Jailed After Handshake Sickens 3
By TIM MARTIN, Associated Press Writer
Thu Jan 12, 4:40 PM ET
A man has been jailed on assault charges after a prosecutor, police officer and courtroom bailiff became seriously ill after shaking hands with him. (I’m now thinking of Steve Guttenberg’s line from the first Police Academy movie..."Thank you sir, I make everybody sick.")

During a Dec. 21 court appearance on a traffic charge, John Ridgeway pulled out a vial of an unknown liquid, rubbed his hands with the contents and insisted on shaking hands with the three people, authorities said. (That is weird, you’ve gotta admit. But wouldn’t the security guards have told him to empty his pockets or something, and if it looked suspicious, wouldn’t they confiscate it?)

All of them got sick within an hour, suffering from nausea, headaches, numbness and tingling that lasted about a day. Two sought treatment at a hospital. (Are you sure they weren’t at my house for dinner? And people ask me why I don't cook...)

The FBI was running tests on the substance to identify it. (See? Just like my food...)

Ridgeway, 41, told the Associated Press in a telephone interview from jail Thursday that the substance was olive oil. He questioned whether the three officials were sick at all, and charged that the allegations were fabricated. (Well, they seem pretty coincidental and specific to be fabricated.)

"They've got a vendetta against me because I took a ticket to a jury trial," he said. (OK…HUH? Something tells me things are stranger here than they appear…does anyone have inside information on this case that they’d like to share?)

Ridgeway could get up to six years in prison if convicted.

"I have never seen the likes of this. Nobody else has, either," said prosecutor Keith Kushion. He was not the prosecutor who fell ill. (And I’ll bet he thanks his lucky stars as well!)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Why would someone put olive oil itself on their hands unless they were going to knead pizza dough or something like that? I mean, I can understand using hand lotion where olive oil was an ingredient, but beyond that, I’m stumped. This is WEIRD. If more developments come up, gentle readers, comment on this piece…I wanna follow up on this puppy!

Sudiegirl the oil-free

Thoughts for an "unlucky" Friday? What is ORIGINAL?!

It’s FRIDAY the 13th, y’all!

I have lagged off a bit in my writing, and for that I apologize to the very tiny legion of readers that I have.

Let me start by briefly describing the things I do when I check the net first thing in the AM…

1. First, I check my e-mail accounts, blog comments and stats..


2. Then, the comics section…always a MUST (especially for 9 Chickweed Lane, For Better or for Worse, and Pearls Before Swine), the TV listings/entertainment section, and weird news.


3. Finally, I check both my hometown newspapers for – yes, this is ghoulish – the obits. My mom never remembers to tell me who died, even though I call her every day and ask her what’s new. I find out about stuff before she does, really…it makes her mad too. Sometimes it pays to keep your ear to the ground, ya know? Makes for interesting conversation.

Anyway, while I was reading today’s obituaries in the Iowa City Press-Citizen, I found this line in an obituary that I had to share…

In his memory, grab a Pepsi, a newspaper and question authority.
He was a true original
and will be missed terribly by his family and friends.

After reading that, I kept drifting to the concept of what a “true original” is. I am a TV child of the ‘70’s, and of course, what thirty-something or forty-something doesn’t know this jingle?



I drink Dr Pepper and I'm Proud.
I'm Part of an Original Crowd
I'm a Pepper.
He's a pepper.
She's a pepper.
We're a pepper.
(Author’s note…BTW, is "We're a pepper" grammatically correct, or am I just easily annoyed?)
Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?

I mean, is it just me, or is it puzzling that people automatically link those two concepts...even though original is equated with first? In other words, “Be an original, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.”

I have always puzzled over the concept of originality in the first place. I mean, all your life, your parents, teachers, and friends say to you to be yourself…I like you just the way you are…be true to yourself…etc.

But what if you are true to yourself and they don’t like it? Then they try to change you, or else distance themselves from you. In other words, they can’t handle your originality. What's a trailblazer to do?

Let’s look at some original things that the public hasn't necessarily embraced, shall we?

• Crystal Pepsi

The Yugo

• The Edsel


• 
  

This list shows original products – ideas that hadn’t been tried before – and they flopped miserably. I believe this just proves my point…sometimes, just because it’s original doesn’t mean the public will embrace it automatically.

In addition, when a person is original/unique/whatever you want to say, people don’t always understand what you're trying to do. This especially goes for performers. Example? LENNY BRUCE.

Lenny Bruce was deemed a “sick comic” in his day, and later he was persecuted by the courts for obscenity violations. (This is the legal reasoning, anyway.) Depending on which film you watch about Lenny’s life, he’s being hassled by the "Man" for profanity, offending the Catholic church, or exposing corruption in a major city’s law enforcement system, and the system in turn struck back all around the country. All Lenny was trying to do was BE ORIGINAL and express his views. It cost him a lot…even though his trials eventually paved the way for other comedians. When you listen to his old routines as I have (and I’m not a child of Lenny Bruce’s era), you wonder what the fuss was all about. He’s funny! Leave him alone! But that’s the hard part about being an “original”…people don’t realize how valuable you are until after you’re pushing up daisies. Sad, but true.

But we still quest for it, like Don Quixote knocking down life-threatening windmills. Why?

As another commercial tagline goes, “Why ask why?”

Maybe there’s a time and place for originality? Maybe originality isn’t something that should always be worn on one’s sleeve? Maybe it’s just all bull? Perhaps.

My personal opinion is this: we are who we are. We have the ability to change, to question, to accept, to live, to thrive. I question authority sometimes, and other times I accept it just because I’m too damned tired to do anything else. That’s not wrong. It just is. I’m glad that in his obituary, the gentleman I noted at the beginning of this essay was remembered as a true original. That’s an honor in my book.

Happy Friday the 13th, my fellow triskadekaphobes!

Sudiegirl

And now, from the "No wonder so many other countries hate us...it's all Pat Robertson's Fault!" files, and Yahoo! News

Sudiegirl sez: OK, just when you think things have calmed down and ol' Crazy Pat has had his nap that things would be OK, this happens. This is Pat Robertson's fault! I'm PISSED! As a Christian and a human being, he has really crossed the line from stupidity into "Strap this MF down in a chair!" Read my comments...please!


Israel Suspends Contact With Pat Robertson
By BRIAN MURPHY, AP Religion Writer
2 hours, 28 minutes ago

Israel has suspended contact with evangelist Pat Robertson for suggesting Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment for withdrawing from the Gaza Strip. (May I have permission to smack him on the forehead and say, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!", oh please?)

The controversy has cast doubt on plans for a Christian tourism center that would showcase the growing flow of money and influence from U.S. church groups. (Oh wait...it's gonna get better.)

The decision, announced Wednesday by Israeli officials, does not affect other Christian groups that also consider it their spiritual duty to support Israel as fulfillment of biblical prophecy. (Or just plain ol' being a Christian and supporting Jesus' heritage? What about that?)
Israeli leaders see the Christian allies as tireless lobbyists in Washington and elsewhere. The evangelicals also funnel millions of dollars each year to Jewish settlers in the West Bank and — before last year's pullout — the Gaza Strip. (Wow. That I didn't know...)

Tourism Minister Abraham Hirchson said he gave instructions to "stop all contact" with groups associated with Robertson. Last week, Robertson implied Sharon's massive stroke was a blow for "dividing God's land" with the withdrawal from Gaza and four West Bank settlements. (I can't say as I blame him. Robertson's lucky that's ALL Israel's done. If I were in Hirchson's place, I would probably use much more choice words.)

But Hirchson said the order did not apply to "all the evangelical community, God forbid."
Robertson is leading a group of evangelicals who have pledged to raise $50 million to build the Christian Heritage Center in Israel's northern Galilee region, where tradition says Jesus lived and taught. (So, read this paragraph thoroughly to truly register in your mind HOW MUCH AN IDIOT COSTS US! In this case, it costs $50 million PLUS the chance to have such a wonderful resource for all those people who want to learn more about Christ's homeland.)

Under a tentative agreement, Robertson's group was to put up the funding, while Israel would provide land and infrastructure. Hirchson had predicted it would draw up to 1 million pilgrims a year, generate $1.5 billion in spending and support about 40,000 jobs. (This paragraph is also applicable in "How Much an Idiot Costs Us"!)

But the fate of the project is now in question, said Ido Hartuv, spokesman for the tourism ministry. (Damn Skippy.)

"We will not do business with him, only with other evangelicals who don't back these comments," Hartuv said. "We will do business with other evangelical leaders, friends of Israel, but not with him." (Wow...and to think that I was about 20 years ahead of the state of Israel in figuring that out. Oh well...it's still the right choice. I don't think I could trust Pat Robertson to buy me a pack of chewing gum at 7-Eleven at this point.)

A spokeswoman for Robertson's ministry declined to comment on Israel's decision.
"We have not talked to the Israelis on this topic," said spokeswoman Angell Watts. "We continue to maintain our long-standing commitment to the Jewish people and the state of Israel." (Translation: "We're trying to figure out how to explain our sorry asses out of this one.")

Robertson's comments on Sharon drew condemnation from other Christian leaders and President Bush. (Now I'm surprised at the latter. Really, I am. I guess their golf date is canceled, as well as the Elks Club membership smoker they were to attend...)

"God considers this land to be his," Robertson said on his TV program "The 700 Club." "You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.'" (I've been down this road before...read the previous entry about old Crazy Pat to know what I think.)

The "Christian Zionist" movement began to take shape in the 19th century, but in recent decades it strengthened into a powerful force with deep pockets. Some estimates place the annual figure of evangelical aid to Israel at more than $25 million. The Gaza withdrawal has become a new and potent rallying point. (Wow. I'll never even see or touch that much money, and now Pat Robertson has cost this movement twice that much with one stupid, thoughtless action.)

In October, a group of Gaza settlers received a standing ovation from more than 5,000 Christians at a conference in Jerusalem sponsored by the International Christian Embassy, a private agency that promotes Christian ties to Israel.

Robertson's Christian Heritage Center is planned for 35 acres of rolling Galilee hills near key Christian sites, including Capernaum, the Mount of the Beatitudes, where Jesus delivered the Sermon on the Mount, and Tabgha — on the shores of the Sea of Galilee — where Christians believe Jesus performed the miracle of the loaves and fish. (AGAIN...I want to state how important these places are in Christian history, how important they are in the study of Christ's life and times, and how GLORIOUSLY old Crazy Pat has screwed this up for the rest of us!)

Israel was considering leasing the land to the Christians for free. (If you hear a dull pounding sound, that's my head on my computer desk as I chant, "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" It's like throwing away a Powerball ticket and the next day hearing your ticket could have been the winner.)

Hartuv left the door open for continuing the project, but only with people who don't back Robertson's statements. (Dude! Call me...I'll collect soda cans, ANYTHING!)

"We want to see who in the group supports his (Robertson's) statements. Those who support the statements cannot do business with us. Those that publicly support Ariel Sharon's recovery ... are welcome to do business with us," Hartuv said. (I really hope the Christian community at large can bounce back from this one.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Remind me to NEVER watch the Christian Broadcasting Network; also, if Crazy Pat ever tries to run for president again, do everything in my power to keep him from winning, even if it means doing a write-in vote for Miss Piggy.

Damn memes! Grumble, grumble...

Damn you, Marti! OK…fine…five weird things about ME…

1. One of my favorite treats was Quisp cereal with chocolate syrup and milk. (Thanks, Grandma...)
   
2. When I lost my first tooth, I ran to the bathroom crying, trying to put it back in because I was afraid I was turning into an old lady. Seems my mother forgot to tell me that when you’re a kid, your baby teeth fall out eventually.


3. When I was four, my sister convinced me that if I took all my clothes off, then panned for gold in the creek behind our cabin in Colorado (we stayed there for vacation), I’d get more gold. All I got was a spanking.


4. When I was fifteen, I was out with my boyfriend and two other friends, and the boyfriend had rules about not spilling anything in the back of his car. When one of the guys in the back spilled something, the only thing I had to sop up the liquid with was…I kid you not…a maxi pad. We learned the meaning of “absorption” that night, and my boyfriend’s ears were red for about three days.


5. I hate beans of any type…also, I hate peanuts (most nuts, actually) but I LOVE peanut butter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I don’t think I’ll pass this on, but I will invite anyone to swipe it from me if they feel they must.

Bye

The Lamictal Blues, and other stuff...

Well, in my never ending quest for trying not to freak out 24/7, I have started sessions with a new psychiatrist.

It’s maddening trying to find a new doctor that takes your insurance AND is taking new patients, but luckily I have conquered both, and have a doctor that practices in Gaithersburg. She’s cool.

So…I’m on a new med in addition to what I take now. It’s called Lamictal, and based on my preliminary research, it’s an anti-seizure med that they’ve found also works for bipolars. I have no direct experience with it, but the doc seems convinced it’s the “gold standard” (her words) for bipolar treatment.

She said it didn’t seem to have the same side effects as other anti-seizure meds (weight gain, etc), and she had heard only bad things about Zyprexa (what I used to be on that made me bloat up like a toad and have no energy WHATSOEVER), so I’m in guinea pig status.

I took my first dose last night, and I don’t see anything bad thus far…either that, or my head looks like an over-inflated basketball and nobody’s telling me.

I know that Julie Fast (creator of http://www.bipolarhappens.com/ and author of two books about bipolar disorder from a patient’s point of view) is on it and it seems to agree with her (and as she tells you, SHE was med-resistant for a number of years). So maybe there’s something to the hype, huh?

At any rate, I’ll keep you posted on how it works, unless of course I have some sort of toxic reaction, and then I guess I WON’T!!!!!!!

In other news, Birgit Nillson has passed on to “Valhalla” at age 87. I read her obit, and I’m amazed at the fact that she was mostly self-trained as an opera singer, but she taught master classes to sopranos on their way up. WOW! I tried to do the opera thing but it just wasn’t for me. To read the whole obit about her interesting life, just click on her name. And YES, people, she is proof that people can do what they love until they die if their health and disposition allows them to. Wow.

So wish me luck, and Ms. Nillson, sing one for me, baby.

Sudiegirl

And now, from the "Does this have relevance when there's war and suffering in the world? Apparently YES!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Mr. Blackwell is such a bitch…I LOVE IT! I’ll contribute my own comments, but I have a feeling Mr. B wins, hands down.

Britney Bottoms Out with Blackwell
By Gina Serpe
Tue Jan 10, 3:57 PM ET

In the eyes of Mr. Blackwell, Britney Spears was one big oops fashion-wise in 2005. (So far, so good…)

Maternity wear or not, the popster and her year's worth of fashion foibles topped the veteran style watcher's 46th Annual Worst Dressed Women list, released Tuesday.

"When it comes to Couture Chaos, this Tacky Terror should take a bow," Blackwell bitched in his typically tortured, strangely punctuated couplets. "From the 'Princess of Pop' to the ultimate 'Fashion Flop!' " (Apparently, he couldn’t find anything to rhyme with “ho-bag”.)

K-Fed's better half has been a regular Blackwell target. She was seventh on last year's rundown of the sartorially challenged.

Coming in at number two on the fashion-basher's don't list was Mary-Kate Olsen, who was dinged for "Bag Lady rags that look depressingly decayed--forget the 'accessories' and buy some Raid!" (I don’t get her style either, unless it’s a by-product of the bulimia/anorexia thing…)

Aside from Spears, several other repeat offenders were once again dissed by Blackwell, including recent divorcee Jessica Simpson ("It's time to sack the stylist and divorce the 'designer,' she resembles a cut-rate Rapunzel--slingin' hash in a Vegas diner!"), Anna Nicole Smith ("Her Supreme Court battle proves every fashion 'dog' has their day--unless she's mistaken for 'Queen Kong'") and Paris Hilton ("Hot? I think not!"). (He’s batting 1000 so far…you go, boy!)

Eva Longoria was the only Wisteria Lane denizen to make the list of undesirables this year, thanks to her "garish taste." Her Desperate Housewives cohort Nicollette Sheridan, who topped the worst-dressed list last year, managed to escape this time around. (I don’t watch the show so I guess I haven’t figured out who she is yet, other than she got in a fight with a cop.)

Blackwell apparently took no pity and spared no puns for some of the year's tabloid fixtures.
Fresh off revelations of drug use and an eating disorder, Lindsay Lohan was deemed a "Fashion Fright," while singleton once more Renee Zellweger also took a verbal beating. (Yeah…that’s not the coolest thing he could do. But you gotta admit…and maybe I sound like my mother when I say this, but what’s up with fashion? I now the ‘80’s had their share of gaffes, but NOTHING like today! However, the only complaint I have about Lindsay Lohan is that I miss her red hair. She looked so much like young Ann-Margret with it, I thought she’d find herself in an Ann-Margret bio-pic one of these days.)

"Renee runs the gamut from Kewpi Doll Dreck to Red Carpet Wreck--Just take your pick," Blackwell bleated. "She looks like a painted pumpkin--on a pogo stick!" (Truly inspired poetry. Forget that Shakespeare guy, or that ee cummings guy who was allergic to punctuation…Mr. B is where it’s AT!)

Mariah Carey's big comeback year didn't go unnoticed, or unremaked upon, by Blackwell.
"Fashion's Hari-Carey Strikes Again!" Blackwell "quipped." "The world applauds your musical emancipation, but please--leave that body to our imagination!" (I just hope she doesn’t have plans to make any more movies!!!! And is it me...or does she kind of look like a horse?)

Also getting the thumbs down was Shakira, whom Blackwell declared "hopeless." (What? No RHYME!?)

Lest he be deemed to mean, Blackwell again issued his disclaimer that his zingers only apply to the dissees fashion sense, not their careers or personal lives. He also had some nice things to say. (That’s good to know…nobody likes a dried-up old fashion expert who only has MEAN things to say.)

In addition to his top 10 fashion disasters, Blackwell also named his rhyme-free Fabulous Fashion Independents of 2005. Oscar hopeful Reese Witherspoon headed the list, along with Kirsten Dunst, Scarlett Johnasson, Kate Moss, Natalie Portman and the perennial Nicole Kidman. Also making the cut were Paris mama Kathy Hilton, designer Carolina Herrera, Dionne Warwick and Hollywood fundraiser (and ex-Henry Mancini wife) Ginny Mancini. (Well, re: Dionne Warwick, apparently the psychic network is giving her a generous clothes allowance.)

Here's a complete look at Mr. Blackwell's 46th Annual Worst Dressed List:
1. Britney Spears
2. Mary-Kate Olsen
3. Jessica Simpson
4. Eva Longoria
5. Mariah Carey
6. Paris Hilton
7. Anna Nicole Smith
8. Shakira
9. Lindsay Lohan
10. Renee Zellweger

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

WHEW! I’m not on there this year…Thanks, Mr. B…let me know how much I owe ya.

Sudiegirl the (for now) sartorially safe.

another edition of "Millie Knows Best (?)"

Well, I promised another advice column from Millie this week, so here we go.

YEAH, get the hell out of my way, meat puppet. This is MY show!

All right…ahem…mew…sorry, had a hairball…SOMEONE forgot to give me my VASELINE!
(editor’s note…whoops…sorry. That was my bad. Sudie)

Dear Millie:

I am a successful young woman who admires your forthright attitude on life, and have recently gone through tremendous heartbreak. How do you recover from life’s slings and arrows?

Signed,
Fervent Admirer

Dear “Ferv”:

Aw….purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

But seriously, when it comes to life taking a dump in my litter box, I just bury it and move on. NEXT!

Your pal,
Millie


Dear Millie:

I am about to marry someone who hates cats and is a dog lover. I have owned nothing but cats my whole life, and this is the only thing getting in the way of my true happiness. What do you suggest?

Signed,
Kitties Rule and Doggies Drool

Dear Perfect Being (Sorry, I just had to make an approving note of your lifestyle):

I’d suggest peeing in his shoes, but that’s a bit redundant since I suggested that to someone last week.

However, think about your cat for a minute…sometimes, dogs are a better toy for cats than you realize. Do you realize how many things we do that dogs get blamed for? It’s astronomical! Plus, we run faster, and (unless they’re those damned tiny dogs) we fit snugly under most livingroom furniture. So we are practically perfect in every way. Just like Mary Poppins!

Your pal,
Millie

I’d answer more letters, but I’m tired. That’s just a feline fact of life. Time for my 18th nap of the day…

And there you have it! Isn’t she great?

Damn skippy! Where my French fries at?

See ya next week, you inferior bipeds!

And now, from the "Proof that too much Elvis is bad for you" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: This is first in a two-part series about how too much Elvis isn’t a good thing. My 2nd husband’s sister was REALLY into Elvis. REALLY into Elvis. It was almost pathological how into Elvis she was. I mean, I like what I like, but when she has enough paraphernalia to decorate two classrooms and still have extra, that’s a bit of a problem.

Australian woman all shook up over Elvis song
Tue Jan 10, 2:37 AM ET
An Australian woman will face court on Tuesday charged with repeatedly stabbing her partner because he played an Elvis Presley song over and over again, police said on Tuesday. (I have to say, if I were on that jury, I would agree. It sends shudders down my spine just thinking about it.)

Police said the 30-year-old woman was charged with unlawful wounding after her 35-year-old partner was stabbed with a pair of scissors in the back, shoulder and thigh at Northam, about 100 km east of Perth in Western Australia state on Monday. (“Unlawful wounding”? That’s an interesting charge. I like that. Maybe I’ll move to Australia? I’m sure many people would like me to.)

The man, whose injuries were described as "non-life threatening", had been repeatedly playing the song "Burning Love", a police spokesman said. (Well, I think that it’s justified. I mean, you can only do so many pelvic thrusts to the final chorus before your back gives out, and after that it’s just irritating.)

The 1972 song was the U.S. rock great's 40th and last top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. (And then he died on the toilet. Sigh.)

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Your sweet love burns me higher than the sweet song of the choir, but put down those SCISSORS, PLEASE!!!!!!! OUCH!

And now, from the "Let the pundits get ready to RUMBLE!" files, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: OK, if people are ready to have a cage match with Bill O’Reilly, then I’m going to help facilitate that at the end…with a handy-dandy list of who I’d like to see in the “ring” with ol’ Billy-boy. Until I reach the end of this article, however, expect the same snarkiness that you have grown to know and love (?), or at least tolerate. And BTW, if my views don’t agree with yours, that’s OK…I’m just glad I live in a country where I’m not arrested for it. At least…not yet.

Many Ready to Spar With Bill O'Reilly
By DAVID BAUDER, AP Television Writer
Sun Jan 8, 4:16 PM ET

If Bill O'Reilly truly loves a good fight, then he's had quite a week. The Fox News Channel personality's confrontation with David Letterman Tuesday night made for some gripping television. The cranky "Late Show" host told his guest: "I have the feeling about 60 percent of what you say is crap." (Gee, that’s kind of a low-balling figure, isn’t it, Dave?)

That same night, nemesis Keith Olbermann on MSNBC once again named O'Reilly his "Worst Person in the World," this time for battling with two people at The New York Times. That's the 15th time O'Reilly has been cited since Olbermann began his half-facetious, half-serious nightly "award" to wag his finger at bad behavior. (Two things: first, I LOVE the word “nemesis”…very DC-Comics-ish. The 2nd thing…I think MSNBC should send Bill O’Reilly a plaque or something for his numerous distinctions. I mean, that’s quite an accomplishment, isn’t it? Akin to having lightning strike in the same place twice?)

For whatever reason, it seems more people are willing to step into the ring with the host of cable TV news' No. 1 program. (OK, maybe I’ll start watching.)

But they'd better beware. Combat may be as essential as oxygen to him. (So, maybe if people are tired of him and want him to go away, uh…stop fighting with him? Just a guess…)

O'Reilly has already logged many minutes on his TV and radio shows to talk about what he called his "shootout" with Letterman, and posted a video clip on his Web site. He gave a telephone interview to "The View" to say that he didn't feel ambushed. (How nice for him. I’m sure Custer didn’t feel ambushed at first either. BTW, this is called HUMOR, in case certain readers from Australia are unfamiliar with the concept.)

"I had no problem with the interview," O'Reilly said. "I enjoyed it." (You know what? He probably did. Some people do get off on a good argument. However, as Larry the Cable Guy says, “I got friends that like sheep but they don’t have a parade every Friday.”)

The interview began poorly — with an uncomfortable silence after O'Reilly said he had "a nice winter solstice" — and went downhill. (Note to self…if I am ever on Letterman, don’t do “solstice” jokes.) Letterman disagreed with O'Reilly's contention that de-emphasizing religion during the Christmas season was an example of political correctness eroding tradition. (I knew I liked Dave for a reason, but I still miss Calvert DeForest.)

"I don't think this is an actual threat," Letterman said. "I think that this is something that happened here and it happened there. And so people like you are trying to make us think that it's a threat." (I have to admit, I agree…and I know I’ve posted about it before so since Christmas is over I am done commenting on it. It’s so un-Epiphany.)

They jousted over peace activist Cindy Sheehan, who O'Reilly said has referred to Iraqi insurgents as freedom fighters. (And we’re SURE this isn’t a euphemism for “French”, as in “Freedom Fries”?)

"It is a vitally important time in American history," O'Reilly said. "And we should all take it very seriously, and be very careful with what we say." (Uh-huh…so SHUT UP, BILL! Can’t you just show us pictures of your grandchildren or something?)

Responded Letterman: "Well, and you should be very careful with what you say also." (We ALL have to be careful of what we say, you know? Even your favorite bipolar, redheaded karaeoke diva!)

Letterman said he was "very concerned about people like yourself who don't have nothing but endless sympathy for a woman like Cindy Sheehan." That's where he issued his content analysis of "The O'Reilly Factor," although he admitted he didn't watch it. (OK, was the above quote verbatim? If so, I don’t quite understand it. Shouldn’t the proper syntax have been “…don’t have anything but endless sympathy…?”)

On O'Reilly's TV show the next night, Fox News analyst Juan Williams likened the segment to a knife fight. (Cue “West Side Story” fight music…) "In some sense, it's like someone inviting you into their house and you find out you've been invited by, you know, John Wayne Gacy," he said. (No…Dave is a bit different from John Wayne Gacy. As far as I know, Dave doesn’t paint pictures of clowns or bugger teenage boys, then murder them and hide them underneath his house…he’s just a nice boy from Indiana. Just ask his mom!)

A high-profile confrontation like this solidifies O'Reilly's relationship with his fans, said Martin Kaplan, an associate dean of the Annenberg School for Communication at the University of Southern California. (Uh-huh…whatever. Do any conservatives even watch “Dave”? I figured “Jay Leno” would be more their speed as he’s so milquetoast these days.)

"He lives and breathes attention and combat," (Geez…he should hang out with my sister. She’d eat him for breakfast without milk.) Kaplan said. "If he were to go on a friendly venue, there would be no story. It's made in heaven for him to be in a fight with Letterman." (But why do we want him to go to HEAVEN? Come on now…)

O'Reilly has been atop the cable news ratings for four years. (Does he get nosebleeds from the altitude?) His average nightly audience increased from 2.42 million in 2004 to 2.49 million last year, although his ratings dropped among viewers younger than 55.
Kaplan said he believes O'Reilly's Christmas campaign may have backfired on him. "In TV sitcoms," he said, "they call that `jumping the shark.'" (They do? I thought that was at Sea World.)

During an interview with Newsday's Verne Gay in October, O'Reilly sounded weary about the scrutiny of his critics and their attacks. He even mused about retiring in a couple of years. (PLEASE!!! DO IT, BILL! I’ll help you fill out the forms!)

For the past 18 months, the liberal Web site Media Matters for America has assigned a monitor to O'Reilly's radio and TV shows (Fisher Price brand?), and alerts critics to alleged misstatements. And Olbermann regularly tweaks his time slot competitor (OUCH!), particularly since starting the "Worst Person in the World" segment last June.

"He's writing this material for me," Olbermann said. "I'm thinking of sending him a check. Day after day he just gets weirder and weirder and weirder." (Maybe he and Pat Robertson are on the same diet that kind of twists their brains around like Silly-Putty?)

Olbermann said he's thinking of holding fire a bit lest it seem like an obsession. (Oh, darn!) While he's not a watchdog in a serious sense, Olbermann said that "it's important to me that you provide an alternate perspective to whatever the elite is in a given field.

"I look at them — they're clearly the popular clique, led by the bullies in the school — so if you get an opportunity to point out what stupid thing has been said or what moronic action has been encouraged by them or simply when they have fallen all over themselves in relation to the facts, you should do it," he said. (YEAH, KEITH!!!! YOU DA MAN!)

Olbermann pleads innocent to being holier-than-thou because of his show's willingness to point out its own mistakes. "I'm sure I will eventually make the list," he said. "I will be one of the worst people in the world." (OK…)

He may already be, at least at Fox News Channel's office. O'Reilly, who didn't want to talk for this article, has referred to Olbermann — although not by name — as a "notorious smear merchant" (Ooh…so if a gynecologist does something bad, he’s a notorious PAP smear merchant?) and pointed out his low ratings. (Olbermann's typical audience is about one-sixth of O'Reilly's.) (Well, as they say, it’s quality, not quantity. Then again, isn’t that what you say to a guy when he’s a little…oh…smaller than normal?)

Network spokesman Brian Lewis was even more pointed. "Perhaps (NBC Universal chief) Jeff Zucker should think twice about tying his future, not to mention the reputation of (parent company) General Electric, to an unstable ratings-killer like Keith, who uses an NBC property for his personal attacks," he said. (You know, this is sounding more like a WWF pre-match mouth-off session. Where’s Mean Gene Okerlund?)

Who will have the last laugh? (ME!)

It's worth noting that nearly 2.7 million people — about 200,000 above last year's average — tuned in to watch "The O'Reilly Factor" the night after he went toe-to-toe with Letterman, according to Nielsen Media Research. O'Reilly's younger viewership was up 20 percent over his December numbers. (And as the snobby waiter said in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, “I weep for the future.”)

Sudiegirl sez:
So who should Bill O’Reilly be in a cage match with? Here are some suggestions:

Oprah Winfrey

Roseanne (just for giggles…)

Chris Rock

Hulk Hogan

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog

Julie Newmar as Stupefyin’ Jones (from the old “Li’l Abner” comic strip/musical)

and lucky #7… Ben “It’s Clobberin’ Time” Grimm from “Fantastic Four!”

If you all have other suggestions…please submit them in the comments or by e-mail!

Sincerely,
Sudiegirl the O’Reilly cage match facilitator.
___
On the Net:
http://www.foxnews.com/
http://mediamatters.org/
___
EDITOR'S NOTE — David Bauder can be reached at dbauder@ap.org

And now from the "Maybe The Constitution Should Contain the Right To Arm Bears?" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: Shocking. Simply shocking.

Fla. Deputy Uses Taser to Stop Bear
Thu Jan 5, 4:30 PM ET
MILTON, Fla. - A sheriff's deputy got a shock when a bear came toward him as he searched for a prowler. So he gave the bear a shock with his Taser. (Two shocks don’t make a right, ya know!)

Homeowner Charlie McQueen Smith called Santa Rosa County deputies Tuesday night after finding her air conditioner torn from her kitchen window. (I’d have to do that too, I must admit.)

Deputy Ray Dykes thought he was looking for a prowler. (Natural assumption…however, did he examine the area for clawmarks or pic-a-nic baskets?)

"When I pulled up, I saw the reflection of an animal's eyes. It looked like a little bear cub," he said. "I got to about 40 feet and it stood up, and that's when I knew it was fully grown." (Yep, that’s usually an eye-opener.)

Dykes used his Taser gun when the bear got too close. (Wouldn’t that be great if everyone was issued a Taser and they could use it whenever they wanted to keep people away? Then again, you never know whose “Taser List” you’re on. Maybe that would be a bad thing after all…)

"He was about seven or eight feet away when I shocked him," he said. (Wow…what’s the range on those suckers anyway? I’m just not up on Taser technology, I guess.)

The bear fell to the ground, breaking the connection with the weapon, which administers a strong electrical charge. The animal fled into the woods and disappeared. (I bet he’s tellin’ all his bear buddies not to go to Milton because they’ll shock you with this thingie they have. It’s better to go harass tourists at Disney World, then blend in at "The Country Bears" show, unless that's the one that's in California, in which case they'll have to catch a ride with someone.)

Smith said she's lived in the home since it was built in 1960 and had never seen a bear there before Friday. The bear showed up then and visited several times over the weekend. Smith suspects the smell of fried chicken might have enticed it to try and come inside. A trash pit near the home might also have been a lure, officials said. (Yep…nothing says “come on-a-my-house” to a bear like fried chicken and garbage fumes.)

If the animal returns, the Florida Wildlife Commission will likely capture and relocate it, said commission biologist Pat Bowman. (Hey…they could send it to Pat Robertson! You know…starve the bear for a few days, send it to Pat Robertson, label it with some verbiage that would appeal to the dude, have him open it up, and VOILA! Problem solved. The bear is fed, and this country is rid of a crackpot evangelist. God, I’m BRILLIANT!)

"Between the Taser shock and the garbage removal, I would like to think this bear is going to stay away," she said. (Uh-huh…just keep the garbage removed and eat your KFC AT the restaurant, and you should be free of ‘em.)

Black bears are protected by state law. (And that’s a good thing as long as we keep the boundaries firm.)
___
Information from: Pensacola News Journal,

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

Grin and bear it.

Whahahahahah! I got a million of ‘em!

And now from the "Frivolous Lawsuits Around the World" department and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: This post is dedicated to LGF, who was upset about this case. I am too, but I decided to fight stupidity (the plaintiff) with humor (i.e. my wit). So enjoy!

Did Jesus exist? Italian court to decide
(Now see, right there I have a problem. How come this particular court gets to decide? Why not the court in Poughkeepsie, or Truth or Consequences, New Mexico?)

By Phil Stewart
Wed Jan 4, 10:28 PM ET
Forget the U.S. debate over intelligent design versus evolution. (Done and done.)

An Italian court is tackling Jesus (Not very Christian-like behavior)-- and whether the Roman Catholic Church may be breaking the law by teaching that he existed 2,000 years ago.

The case pits against each other two men in their 70s, who are from the same central Italian town and even went to the same seminary school in their teenage years.

The defendant, Enrico Righi, went on to become a priest writing for the parish newspaper. The plaintiff, Luigi Cascioli, became a vocal atheist who, after years of legal wrangling, is set to get his day in court later this month. (This is an other concept I can't help visualizing..."legal wrangling". I see judges in their robes and lawyers in expensive suits on a dusty Texas ranch ropin' and brandin' the elusive "Habeas Corpus" in eight seconds or less. Also, how does one become a vocal atheist? Is private study involved? Probably cuts gigs in half since a vocal atheist wouldn't perform at a church wedding.)

"I started this lawsuit because I wanted to deal the final blow against the Church, the bearer of obscurantism and regression," Cascioli told Reuters (Is that legal-ese for "because I said so, nanny-nanny-boo boo"?).

Cascioli says Righi, and by extension the whole Church, broke two Italian laws. The first is "Abuso di Credulita Popolare" (Abuse of Popular Belief) meant to protect people against being swindled or conned. The second crime, he says, is "Sostituzione di Persona", or impersonation. (Well, if that's the case, I think the next defendant should be Chef Boy Ar Dee...he's always been portrayed as being Italian, but nobody's really confirmed that he is.)

"The Church constructed Christ upon the personality of John of Gamala," Cascioli claimed, referring to the 1st century Jew who fought against the Roman army. (Considering the age of this guy, he may have gone to high school with John of Gamala.)

A court in Viterbo will hear from Righi, who has yet to be indicted, at a January 27 preliminary hearing meant to determine whether the case has enough merit to go forward.

"In my book, The Fable of Christ, I present proof Jesus did not exist as a historic figure. He must now refute this by showing proof of Christ's existence," Cascioli said. (A-HA! It's nothing more than a book tour! The truth comes out. He should be ashamed for clogging up the Italian courts for a personal-appearance tour. Apparently SOMEONE thinks he's too good for Barnes and Noble.)

Speaking to Reuters, Righi, 76, sounded frustrated by the case and baffled as to why Cascioli -- who, like him, came from the town of Bagnoregio -- singled him out in his crusade against the Church.

"We're both from Bagnoregio, both of us. We were in seminary together. Then he took a different path and we didn't see each other anymore," Righi said. (I think it's either because of a woman, a car, or a monetary debt. Hell, it works in sitcoms or soap operas!)

"Since I'm a priest, and I write in the parish newspaper, he is now suing me because I 'trick' the people." (So does Chef Boy Ar Dee...or is that just my theory?)

Righi claims there is plenty of evidence to support the existence of Jesus, including historical texts.

He also claims that justice is on his side. The judge presiding over the hearing has tried, repeatedly, to dismiss the case -- prompting appeals from Cascioli. (Well, at least I'm not the only one that thinks this case needs to leave the court so more serious things - like Chef Boy Ar Dee - can be addressed.)

"Cascioli says he didn't exist. And I said that he did," he said. "The judge will to decide if Christ exists or not."

Even Cascioli admits that the odds are against him, especially in Roman Catholic Italy. (You bet your sweet Christian bippy.)

"It would take a miracle to win," he joked. (Well, if you don't believe Jesus exists, how can you believe in miracles? You can't just turn it on and off like a faucet.)

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Yes, I poked fun. But really, I don't think this is an issue that should be tried in any courtroom. If you believe, you believe. If you don't, you don't. I personally believe in God and Jesus. I have been ANGRY at them many times for events, but I have still believed in them. That's part of the Christian experience, and I would like to think that superior beings can handle anger from one person.

If someone doesn't believe in Jesus, it's not up to me to throw words at him or her to MAKE them believe. It's up to me to be their friend, and care about them and pray for them even if they don't believe in the same God I do. If they want to learn more about Christianity, I'll do my best to help them do so. If they're happy the way they are, I'm not going to change them. I'm still going to care about them.

It's a big world, and people who say they believe in Jesus tend to forget that Jesus didn't hang out with people just like him. He hung out with tax collectors, the diseased, the friendless, prostitutes, the "untouchables". Therefore, in my opinion, this court case is senseless. Let this other guy think what he wants...but he shouldn't tie up Italy's taxes and time with this. It's not meant for a courtroom; rather, it's meant for your heart.

I know my three entries today have dealt with religion, and I'm not going to apologize for it. It happened, I did my thing, and now it's up to you to form your own opinions.

Sudiegirl

And now, from the "All right, who removed Pat Robertson's strait jacket?" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: All right...I was in a relatively good mood, and then I read THIS? My opinions are in green, even though I'm seeing red.

Robertson Links Sharon Stroke, God's Wrath
By SONJA BARISIC, Associated Press Writer
41 minutes ago

NORFOLK, Va. - Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested Thursday that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment for "dividing God's land." (Nice...really nice for a "man of God" to even suggest that - through the MEDIA no less. Never mind that a whole race of people, both in Israel physically and in other countries are stunned by this news. It's just more important for you to flap your gums and implant your personal opinions "in the name of God".)

"God considers this land to be his," Robertson said on his TV program "The 700 Club." "You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.'" (OK, what chapter and verse, Patty boy? Furthermore, do you have a plat map or a quitclaim deed? You putz.)

Sharon, who ordered Israel's withdrawal from Gaza last year, suffered a severe stroke on Wednesday. (Which is very sad indeed. He and his family are in my thoughts and prayers, so I guess I'll go to Hell too, according to Pat.)

In Robertson's broadcast from his Christian Broadcasting Network in Virginia Beach, the evangelist said he had personally prayed about a year ago with Sharon, whom he called "a very tender-hearted man and a good friend." He said he was sad to see Sharon in this condition. (I almost believe him. When is that network going to be shut down, BTW? I think the CBN should be bought out and made into a 24-hour station of nothing but - I don't know - maybe that burning fireplace video? )

He also said, however, that in the Bible, the prophet Joel "makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who 'divide my land.'" (Well, you know, if Joel got the message from God, HE should be the one in charge of said message, not you, Pat! It's like that old childhood game "Telephone", where you sit in a circle and whisper a sentence from one person to another, and usually by the end it's all fouled up. And only GOD has the right to define "enmity", not you!)

Sharon "was dividing God's land and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU European Union), the United Nations, or the United States of America," Robertson said. (OK, then, I nominate Pat Robertson for the new Prime Minister of Israel. I guarantee he'll be out of there under three hours.)

In discussing what he said was God's insistence that Israel not be divided, Robertson also referred to the 1995 assassination of Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin, who had sought to achieve peace by giving land to the Palestinians. "It was a terrible thing that happened, but nevertheless he was dead," he said. (I see that course in grief counseling really helped you out, there, Pat.)

The Anti-Defamation League issued a statement urging Christian leaders to distance themselves from the remarks. Robertson made similar comments as the Gaza withdrawal occurred, it said. (I'm not a Christian leader, but I think I'm pretty safe that I'll be distancing myself. As it is, it's about 3 hours from here to VA Beach.)

"It is outrageous and shocking, but not surprising, that Pat Robertson once again has suggested that God will punish Israel's leaders for any decision to give up land to the Palestinians," said Abraham H. Foxman, national director of the group, which fights anti-Semitism. "His remarks are un-Christian and a perversion of religion. Unlike Robertson, we don't see God as cruel and vengeful." (Thank you!)

The Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, said a religious leader "should not be making callous political points while a man is struggling for his life." (And another thank you!)

"Pat Robertson has a political agenda for the entire world, and he seems to think God is ready to take out any world leader who stands in the way of that agenda," Lynn said in a statement. (Yep...that's it in a nutshell. So why can't they revoke his minister's license?)

Robertson spokeswoman Angell Watts said of critics who challenged his remarks, "What they're basically saying is, `How dare Pat Robertson quote the Bible?'" (No, what they're saying is that he has SHITTY TIMING! You don't say things like that when a political figure - or anyone who you claim is your FRIEND - is dying. You say something to try and comfort his family. You say something to try and comfort the people he has led. If you want to know what Jesus would do, Jesus would forgive. Jesus would not do what you've done, Pat. So why should you?)

"This is what the word of God says," Watts said. "This is nothing new to the Christian community." (But he's not aiming that remark at the Christian community, per se. He is aiming it at a country who will be filling Sharon's political position soon and trying to verbally bring down a doomsday machine that he really doesn't have control over.)

In August, Robertson suggested on "The 700 Club" that American agents should assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, who has long been at odds with U.S. foreign policy. Robertson later apologized for his remarks, saying he "spoke in frustration." (OK, the line to yell at this man and/or throw rotten eggs at Pat Robertson starts right behind me.)
___
On the Net:
Christian Broadcasting Network: http://www.cbn.org

Sudiegirl's final opinion?

Give him a double shot of Thorazine and put him back in the holding pen. I'm outta here...

And now, from the "Controversy, Sweet Controversy" files and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: You know, I’m going to watch this show and give a review of my own on this wonderful li’l blog. Who knows, it might actually be good? There’s a first time for everything.
And now, doing what I do best - and BTW, this photo at left is from www.tvsquad.com.

Two NBC affiliates throw book at 'Daniel'
(Now THAT'S NOT VERY CHRISTIAN!!!)

By Andrew Wallenstein
Thu Jan 5, 4:06 AM ET

Two NBC affiliates in Arkansas and Indiana are turning the page on upcoming series "The Book of Daniel," which has been drawing criticism for its portrayal of Christianity. (Question – how does one draw criticism? What does it look like? Do you use oil pastels, crayons, colored pencils? Help me out here…)

The series depicts an Episcopalian minister, played by Aidan Quinn, struggling with an addiction to Vicodin, among other problems in his diocese. Jesus is actually a character on the series, depicted in imagined conversations with the minister. (I think I found the controversy. I could be wrong, but sometimes I miss the obvious.)

Last month, the conservative American Family Assn. began calling on affiliates and advertisers to bail out of "Daniel." Many stations have been flooded with e-mails and calls from viewers objecting to the series. (Ah, Dr. Wildmon is rearing his ugly, pious head again. If he’s involved, I will do exactly the opposite of what he says! Nobody’s gonna cancel my favorite version of “Mighty Mouse” by Ralph Bakshi and pull the same trick on another show – not on my watch!)

KARK-TV in Little Rock, Ark., and WTWO-TV in Terre Haute, Ind., announced Wednesday they would pre-empt "Daniel," when it premieres Friday at 9 p.m. Both are owned by Nexstar Broadcasting Group,
KARK-TV declined to air "Daniel" citing "careful consideration" of viewer feedback. Little Rock's WB affiliate, KWBF-TV, will air "Daniel" instead. (Well, let’s just hope people will actually know to watch it on that channel instead or if – whoops – KARK will forget to tell people where to see it.)

However, WTWO general manager Duane Lammers said he is not pre-empting "Daniel" due to its content but rather to protest what he views as the networks' strong-arm approach to affiliates, as well inconsistent federal oversight of indecent content. (So, in reality, it IS about content. Antics with semantics is alive and well in 2006…)

"This has nothing to do with the program and has nothing to do with the AFA," Lammers said. "I think the system is screwed up. I think the network thinks we are going to do whatever they tell us to do. I think the regulatory environment is flawed." (I think he’s more concerned about what he thinks than what the public thinks. I also think that right now, I’m really hungry for some shrimp.)

The network stands by the series, according to Vivi Zigler, executive VP current programming at NBC Entertainment, who cautioned not to judge the series on the basis of promotions for the show. (OK, here’s something else I don’t get. If she says not to judge the show based on the promotions, then why use those controversial promos in the first place? I mean, I’m not a prude, but it makes me think of a lyric from the off-Broadway show “The Fantasticks”…”Plant a carrot, get a carrot, not a Brussels sprout…that’s why I like vegetables; you know what they’re about.” Why can’t you just put together attractive promotions that say what the show is really about instead of focusing on one thing that’s going to piss off a lot of people and screw your ratings, plus wake up Donald Wildmon from his oppressive slumber?)

"People are reacting based on not having seen it," she said. "They're seeing the advertising, not seeing what the core of the show is." (So why not modify the advertising?)

Jack Kenny, executive producer of "Daniel," dismissed claims that the series is anti-Christian. "We are not in any way satirizing Christianity or Jesus," he said. "It's done with love, honoring those things." (But, really…if you have a sense of humor over the dogma and all that, that’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? A little irreverence is sometimes refreshing.)

But Lammers isn't taking exception with "Daniel." Rather, he is using the pre-emption to air multiple grievances with industry practice -- especially network-affiliate relations. (OOH! MULTIPLE GRIEVANCES!!! Gosh, I almost wish I was working there to find out what the multiple grievances are.)

"In the last few years, the networks have responded in a unilateral manner in their treatment of affiliates, whether it's about compensation, exclusivity or other issues," he said. "I am now reaffirming my right to treat them unilaterally." (Wow…I’m diggin’ those words he just used. Lots of letters. I think the next time I want to make a stand about something, I will use those words. Hope you don’t mind, Mr. Lammers…I’ll write and ask for permission first.)

Lammers also decried what he sees as a double standard in the lack of content regulation regarding cable. "I'm saying the regulatory atmosphere is unfair," he said. "If this gives me a chance to talk about it, that's fair." (Well, but you’re an affiliate, not a cable TV station. You’re different in the first place...I guess I don’t exactly understand the argument.)

WTWO is alone so far in its pre-emption of "Daniel," but other affiliates wrestled with the decision. (Curse my creative imagination…I’m just imagining TV execs in WWF costumes dissing the decision’s momma, etc. Dang me!)

"There's been an enormous amount of discussion about the show," said Steve Poulsen, VP marketing at KSL-TV, NBC's affiliate in Salt Lake City. "This one happens to have religious overtones to it and is causing a little stir. We determined on this one to let the viewers determine the success or failure of this show." (Wow…that’s mighty liberal for Utah!)

KSL, which caters to a heavily Mormon viewership, has not been shy about joining the small group of stations that have pre-empted NBC programming in the recent past. Among the NBC series that have been yanked in recent years, include "Coupling," "God, the Devil and Bob," and "Stressed Eric." (I’ve heard of the first two but not the last one. Something tells me I didn’t miss much, but who am I to know?)

Lammers, who also serves as executive VP and chief operating officer of WTWO parent company Nexstar Broadcasting Group, is known for taking aggressive stands on behalf of his company. He pulled multiple Nexstar-owned stations off Cox Communications and Cable One cable systems for most of 2005 in order to negotiate cash for carriage -- an unprecedented arrangement. Both operators settled with Nexstar late last year. (Ah…he’s a feisty one, then! I guess I understand him a little better than in some of the previous paragraphs.)

WTVO, which is the 150th-largest television market in the U.S., will air theatrical "Simon Birch" instead of back-to-back episodes of "Daniel." (And from what I’ve read, that film didn’t exactly light any box-office fires, if you know what I mean.)

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter

Sudiegirl’s final opinion?

I’m glad many stations are giving people the option to watch and decide if they like it. I’m going to be one of them, and hopefully I can put a review in the ol’ BLOG this weekend. I don’t think I’ll let Millie do it, though…she tends to just get angry and want to pee in people’s shoes and we don’t want that.

POWER TO THE PEOPLE, Y’ALL!

PPS: the rest of the photos are from www. newsday .com, and doesn't ol' Aidan look hot? I'm so glad I'm Episcopalian. Sigh...

And now, from the "Golden Toiletbrush Society Nomination Board" and Yahoo News...first of an intermittent series

Sudiegirl sez: OK…I know that in some parts of my home state, this concept has to be explained to people, usually with an educational puppet show. Also, the photos to the left (from www.cartoonbrew.com) are of Private SNAFU, who was the subject of funny yet educational films about the things soldiers must do to be effective members of the military, including how to take care of your firearms. Am I wrong in wondering why someone would sell a gun to this man in the first place, or let him in a house that has any potentially harmful objects? Read on, and I’ll do my thing…

Call it his 'constitutional' rights?
2 hours, 36 minutes ago
Police in a Vancouver suburb reminded residents on Tuesday it was not a good idea to play with a loaded gun while using the bathroom, after a man accidentally shot himself. (However, in theory…and in reference to the "loaded gun" concept...he’s not doing anything in there that a typical teenage boy wouldn’t be doing. Am I right?)

A 21-year-old North Vancouver man was facing numerous weapons charges after he shot off one of his fingers while apparently playing with a gun on New Year's Day, according to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. (Notice how the victim’s name was not given? That’s to ensure that his family – both nuclear and distant relations – can walk around free and unfettered, without grocery bags on their heads.)

"Perhaps, our mothers never explained to us that it was not a good idea to play with handguns whilst using the restroom. But then again, maybe that was supposed to be a given," the Mounties said in a press release. (Well, obviously not to this gent.)

Sudiegirl’s final word?

Ah, yet another anointed member of Rancho Sudiegirl’s “Golden Toiletbrush Society”. Pass the nachos, people…let’s celebrate!

I guess Johnny did indeed get his gun, huh?

D’oh!

And now, from the "Let he who has a free hand cast the first stone!" department, and Yahoo! News...

Sudiegirl sez: I really wanna know why potential lawyers and judges are not given psychological tests to find out if they’re fit to sit on the bench. I mean, I have seen three-year olds with greater restraint than this man. Read on, and I’ll do what I do.




Retired judge headed for trial on accusations that he masturbated in court
By Emanuella Grinberg, Court TV
Tue Jan 3, 6:06 PM ET

(Court TV) — For the second time in less than a year, a retired Oklahoma judge was ordered to stand trial on allegations that he exposed himself on the bench during trials. (Well, although it’s better than what Ted Bundy wound up doing, it’s still bad.)

A court reporter for former Creek County District Judge Donald Thompson testified in a brief preliminary hearing Tuesday that she witnessed her former boss masturbating with a device known as a penis pump while he presided over several trials from 2001 to 2003. (Was this device scientifically proven to help the guy think better? Help me out here!)

Thompson, 59, is scheduled to be arraigned Jan. 26 on four counts of indecent exposure and one count of misuse of a state computer for allegedly keeping explicit photos of himself on his office computer. (So he’s also narcissistic. What a combination. I’m sure his mother must be proud.)

The disgraced jurist faces up to 41 years in prison on the five counts. (Yeah, but what would really punish him is putting him in a cell with no mirrors and all the guards are instructed to not tell him what he looks like. There ya go!)

Court reporter Lisa Foster, the only witness in the hearing, also testified that she saw Thompson shave his pubic area during closing arguments in a high-profile murder case, but did not report him to police for fear of professional repercussions. (I would have replaced his razor with a dull, rusty one…but that’s me. This guy is just becoming more reprehensible by the nano-second. Ick.)

"I didn't want to lose my job," Foster said, according to the Associated Press. "I didn't want to do something that would hurt him and his family." (Ah, the proverbial rock and hard place rears its ugly head again. I have to say, I wouldn’t know what to do in that situation either. I guess I would have tried to have a new job in my back pocket, then tell the authorities. That might not be as easy as it sounds, though, huh?)

In January 2005, Oklahoma prosecutors charged Thompson with three counts of indecent exposure stemming from similar claims from Thompson's clerk, a trial witness and several jurors. (Uh-huh. That would make jury duty more interesting…I would be the one keeping track of how many times the ol’ judge would whip it out, and running a betting pool to boot. Gotta be enterprising in this day and age because you don’t make much when you’re on jury duty.)

Panelists from two criminal trials and one civil trial told police they heard whooshing noises from the bench, which they likened to the sound of "a hemorrhoid donut" or a blood-pressure cuff. (I guess they just ignored the looks of ecstacy on his face or the soft moans coming through the sound system because he forgot to turn off his mike.)

In November, after a series of delays due to conflicts of interests within the case, a team of special prosecutors filed a new count of indecent exposure and one count of misuse of a state computer against Thompson. (Ah, what a tangled web we weave…and how dumb is this guy, doing stuff like this at work!? Was he at the bottom of his class in law school? Was he even allowed to put mailing labels on the law school journal? Has his wife changed her name and moved to another town yet? Something tells me he’s already replaced her with a handy-dandy gadget.)

The fifth count refers to allegations that the judge kept photographs of himself and a female engaging in "lewd and lascivious acts" on a computer in his chambers. (Ah yes…definitely a man I want to have decide my life or death. I mean, it scares me that he was deciding life-or-death cases and punitive damages while strokin’ the sausage. NOT COOL. )

The second amended complaint also expanded the dates of the alleged incidents. (How much more could you do that? Unless you’re adding MORE dates to what are already present…)

Thompson resigned from his 20-year post in August 2004 following an investigation into his alleged misconduct, a move which has allowed him to continue collecting on his pension. (Well, he’s gotta pay for his “supplies” somehow!)

If he is convicted of the felony counts, his reported $88,000 pension will be revoked. Judge James Bland will set a trial date at Thompson's arraignment. (Wonder what he’ll do next? He might prove popular in prison, ya know…)



The Associated Press contributed to this report.

Sudiegirl's final word?

Remind me to NEVER work for a lawyer or a judge.

A meme I cribbed from FTS, and some grumblings...

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1. 1. Get a dog of my own


2. 2. Oh god, I don’t know…I’m skipping this one.

Seven things I can do:

1. Sing


2. Crochet


3. Read


4. boil water


5. I can tell Mel Blanc, Daws Butler and Don Messick apart by their voices


6. Find middle “C” on a piano keyboard


7. Type.

Seven things I can’t do:

1. Play piano (at least not very well)


2. Play clarinet


3. knit


4. see without glasses or contacts


5. play football


6. skate


7. hula-hoop

Seven things that attract me to another person:

1. A sense of humor


2. pretty eyes


3. a good personality


4. nice rear end


5. nice to kids


6. nice to animals


7. nice to me

Seven things I say most often:

1. Oh my god!


2. Shut up!


3. Oh my god, shut up!


4. CIO’s office, may I help you?


5. Millie, get out of the garbage!


6. What?


7. Could you repeat that?

Seven people to do this little blogger game:
I don’t think I’ll tag anyone, but feel free to steal this thingie.

OK, I’m officially sad. Why?
Independence AIR is closing on Thursday! I’m really bummin’! I flew on that airline once from Dulles to Chicago, and it was quite comfy. The only weirdness was that they pre-recorded the flight safety instructions, and who do you think was the personality giving us the instructions? Chuck Berry. Must have been part of his community service. I was expecting him to burst out in song…”Oh Maybelline…use the seat belt”

At any rate, I’m really BUMMED about this. It’s not fair! I mean, United doesn’t give you hot towelettes or cookies…but Independence Air does. I want my cookie. I want my hot towelette. And now, I can’t fly to Chicago on the cheap to harass my best friend from college. This makes me very cranky. What am I gonna do?

Let’s see…what else can I emote about?

Well, I am trying to keep the miners that are trapped in West Virginia in my “good thoughts” file. I feel for their families…that’s got to be scary. It just goes to show you that even if you think your life is hard, it’s better than being trapped in a coal mine. LOTS better.

I guess that’s it for now. But it’ll always change!

Sudiegirl

from my friend Gary...I just had to put this in!

New Rule #1: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason I didn't talk to them for 25 years. Because I didn't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule #2: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, the chili costs less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it were a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.

New Rule #3: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule #4: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule #5: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule #6: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the *******. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge *******.

New Rule #7: Girls, just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. Come on, it's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You were just high when you picked it out.

New Rule #8: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting.What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule #9: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule #10: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule #11: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

A Sudiegirl First!

In the spirit of trying new things in this New Year, Rancho Sudiegirl Inc. has decided to start up a few new items which will be sprinkled copiously throughout the weblog. The first one is “Millie Knows Best”, an advice column handled by my beautiful, willful, stubborn yet lovable Maine Coon Cat.

Why, you ask? Because Chelmsford is afraid of typing. That, and Millie threatened to eat my McDonalds take-out for the rest of her or my life (whichever ends first) if I didn’t give her something to do on the blog. So you see, I’m between the proverbial rock and hard place.

So Millie, here’s your first letter…BE NICE.

Shut up, Meat Puppet…and FEED ME!

OK, here we go…blah blah blah…

Dear Millie:

I think my spouse is cheating on me. He comes home late at night, reeking of a perfume I don’t wear and covered with lipstick. I don’t want to make him angry, but this has been going on a long time and I’m a bit concerned, especially since a process server came to our home with paternity paperwork. What should I do?

Signed,
Standing Doubtfully by her Man




Dear Standing:

Have you peed in his shoes yet? Usually that works for me when I’m mad (hope Mommy didn’t read that…)

Wake up and smell the kitty litter, lady. He stinks, he’s messy, and he comes home late. Male cats in heat are in the same condition. However, in the animal kingdom there is not much call for fidelity since fidelity leads to inbreeding and pretty soon cats start acting like dogs and we can’t have that.

My advice to you is to pee in his shoes and call a lawyer. Oh, and then pee in his shoes again.

Millie

Well, that was certainly an admirable first effort, and also explains the rather damp conditions of my shoes.

Let’s hear it for Millie, and if you want to ask Millie advice, just e-mail me (click on the contact info on this blog) and she’ll be happy to help you with your life problems.

LIKE HELL I WILL! GIVE ME FRENCH FRIES, MEAT PUPPET! (Mfffffff – muffled growls as Sudiegirl puts Millie in the bathroom, far away from her shoes)

Have a great day!

UPDATE: Millie's advice column has already been noticed, and "Musings of a chick" is linked to the "Bum Steer" weblog. Take a look...it's quite interesting!

Happy '06...first entry o' the year!

This pic is from www.thesmokinggun.com, and I've decided I need a shirt like this to get ready for next year.

Well, the first day of 2006 is over, and I didn't kill anyone. I realize that for some this may be an easy goal to attain, but it really all depends on who you spend time with, huh?

Remember the lovely family D and I spent Thanksgiving with? Well, we spent New Year's Day with them too. Don't get me wrong...I do like them, but there's a lot of tension there that needs to be taken care of with therapy. I ain't licensed, so it shouldn't be me. We wound up making it OK, but there were a few tense moments at lunch. Thank goodness I am the mistress of distraction...that's an added bonus when one is already the queen of non-sequitors.

Anyway, my day tomorrow (since I have it off, being a government contractor and all) is up in the air, but D will be home with me so we'll be up in the air together, I guess. I imagine I will be on the rampage looking for odd news items and headlines to molest, as usual, but I may actually get some cleaning done too. Who knows?

BTW, if anyone that reads this is into biographies, I'm reading one called The Kennedy Women by Lawrence Leamer. It's about the women in the Kennedy clan, starting with Joe's mother Bridget in the 1800's. You've probably read my various and sundry rants about the Kennedys, but the more I read, the more intrigued I am with their mindset in the time they were children and young adults. I mean, they were actually OK with being placed second fiddle to the boys. Don't get me wrong...the Kennedy mens' names have all gone down in the history books, but it's like the girls were accepting of their father treating them as though they were inferior, and the mother did it too! I guess I am too damned liberated, or a latent anarchist or something. I'll bet if I were Joe's kid, I'd be lobotomized just like Rosemary just to shut me up. Oh well...at any rate, read the book and compare their lives to your own. I think I have a pretty good one, even though I'm not rich or powerful...I'm treated pretty OK for the most part.

And with that, I shall be back whenever the hell I wanna! So NYAH!

Love,

Sudiegirl